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DH has started making me packed lunches

(42 Posts)
CompletelyRidiculousIssue Tue 31-Oct-17 16:02:16

Terrible, right?

So here is the issue. I feel like he's been low and distanced, and seething with resentment, for ages. He won't talk about it. He's also silently started doing nice things for me, like making me packed lunches for work. I'm genuinely grateful for this in itself, and I thank him every time. But, weirdly, it makes me feel so much worse. Like he's determined to do everything "right" so I can never have cause for complaint while he cuts me out emotionally. I don't know what to do.

SandyY2K Tue 31-Oct-17 16:43:09

If my DH suddenly started making me a packed lunch, I'd be very suspicious .... but then I'm an avid watcher of true crime stories.

dogfish1 Tue 31-Oct-17 18:13:20

This would drive me insane. How cloyingly naff. Unless they were presented in an Indian style multi level stainless steel tiffin tin.

AlternativeTentacle Tue 31-Oct-17 18:16:24

Are you eating these packed lunches? Eek.

I'd tell him if he is seething with resentment, don't bother doing anything for me until he can behave like a grown up and discuss the situation.

Sludgecolours Tue 31-Oct-17 18:17:52

Tell him thanks but passive agressive sandwiches give you indigestion.

oldlaundbooth Tue 31-Oct-17 18:18:48

Does he include a note?

Fekko Tue 31-Oct-17 18:18:49

He's seething with resentment, making you food and you are feeling worse (or sick?). I'd check the cupboards for rat poison.

Bananalanacake Tue 31-Oct-17 18:21:43

Is it a money saving thing.

Guiltypleasures001 Tue 31-Oct-17 18:24:14

Not got any upset stomachs at all have you op ?

AnnabelFan Tue 31-Oct-17 18:24:16

They're not 'pate' sandwiches are they? I.e Sheba/Caesar cat/dog food??

Fekko Tue 31-Oct-17 18:24:23

Is he being nicer or more affectionate?

bigfatbumfreak Tue 31-Oct-17 18:24:23

I would bin them and buy lunch....or does he control you money too?

GodIsDead Tue 31-Oct-17 18:27:05

Tell him what @Sludgecolours said! grin

CompletelyRidiculousIssue Tue 31-Oct-17 18:28:04

Thank you for getting it, and not just saying "lucky you".
The lunches are fine and no tummy upsets shock, it's just the passive aggressive thing. I think I might tell him to stop, actually, because I feel like I'm paying for them emotionally...

Christinayangstwistedsista Tue 31-Oct-17 18:29:15

I think you have bigger things to worry about than packed lunches

Sunshineandshopping Tue 31-Oct-17 18:29:30

Maybe he is the dh on the other thread who has realised how much he has been taking his dw for granted?

CompletelyRidiculousIssue Tue 31-Oct-17 18:30:23

I like that, sludge

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday Tue 31-Oct-17 18:30:33

How weird.

If he’s being PA, how does he manage to let you know they are for you?

AlternativeTentacle Tue 31-Oct-17 18:31:11

why would we say 'lucky you'?

CompletelyRidiculousIssue Tue 31-Oct-17 18:32:49

He says "here's your lunch" and morosely holds it out to me. It just makes me feel sad and guilty, though I don't know what for.

Rainyboooooo Tue 31-Oct-17 18:33:23

My ex-H insisted on making my packed lunches. Never asked what I would like or thought to make me anything different to what he was having.

It was a control thing and I still can’t stomach a sandwich packed lunch.

CompletelyRidiculousIssue Tue 31-Oct-17 18:35:28

That sounds horrid, rainy.
I don't think this is a control thing (he's not really controlling and doesn't care what I eat or control what I spend). More a sort of emotional statement or something

Rainyboooooo Tue 31-Oct-17 18:37:53

It is controlling if it is making you feel like shit. If he is doing it so he can be Mr Nice Guy and you end up feeling guilty.

MsHarry Tue 31-Oct-17 18:44:24

Lol * dogfish* I've a;ways fancied lunch on one of those!

Carrotgirl999 Tue 31-Oct-17 18:47:30

6 months ago I left a relationship similar to this... it was so hard to explain to people why, he was on the front of it 'caring' with packed lunches, cleaning my car etc. But was so emotionally cold, and as it turns out cheating ALOT.

There were times I actually thought he hated me, and yet he'd then do me a 'favour' and I had to be grateful. It completely messed with my head.

Anyhow fast forward 6 months and thank god im out of it, even though it was the hardest thing Iv ever done, the head games were tremendously damaging and this sort of thing was only the tip of the iceberg, but your post genuinely gave me shivers. flowers

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