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Flirting then unkind

(30 Posts)
Badmoms Tue 31-Oct-17 14:32:09

A man I see occasionally through work has been flirting with me for the last few months.
This morning we bumped into each other in the canteen and he was unkind to me, basically telling me I’m not as attractive as another of our colleagues. Why would he say that? 😕

Doubletrouble42 Tue 31-Oct-17 14:34:24

Because he's a shithead. Move on x

Sn0tnose Tue 31-Oct-17 15:17:23

Somebody that spiteful is not someone you want to get involved with. Mark it down to him being a massive dickhead and move on. If he tries to flirt with you again, shut him down immediately.

Even if he was trying to 'treat you mean to keep you keen' (which is an appalling way for one adult to treat another) why would you want to get to know someone who is so emotionally stunted that he can't just, you know, be nice?

SandyY2K Tue 31-Oct-17 15:21:12

Is he of sound mind? He sounds like an idiot.

AdoraBell Tue 31-Oct-17 15:23:22

What the others have said. It's nothing about you, he is just being an arsehole.

InternetHoopJumper Tue 31-Oct-17 15:39:23

Really inappropriate for a coworker to even comment on the attractiveness of another coworker, especially in a negative way. Warn him that comments on your appearance are unwanted and that if he does it again you'll have a word with HR.

lollipop7 Tue 31-Oct-17 15:42:10

Because he’s a total dick.

Behaviour like this is really disturbing if he’s older than six. Sounds do like he needs a sweet cup of tea and a psychiatric assessment to me.

XJerseyGirlX Tue 31-Oct-17 15:46:29

OOh i had one of these. A guy once flirted with me, I had a bf at the time and was very polite when saying so. Straight away he started commenting on how awfully skinny i was and he thinks "real woman" are a size 12 and over. Strange backtrack !! Ignore him.

schoolgaterebel Tue 31-Oct-17 16:12:16

It's called 'negging'

Trying by to bring you down so you are less confident and therefore more vulnerable to his advances. It's a common thing, done by arseholes (once you start recognising it, you realise how desperate and pathetic it is)

NC4now Tue 31-Oct-17 16:18:34

Sounds like you dodged a bullet with that one.

monkeywithacowface Tue 31-Oct-17 16:20:16

Agree it sounds like "negging"

He's a massive twat that needs a wide berth.

beesandknees Tue 31-Oct-17 16:21:46

Yes this is negging.

Stay far away from him

TheNaze73 Tue 31-Oct-17 16:26:52

I think negging too. Can’t believe people fall this old chestnut.

He’s an arsehole, move on

Biddylee Tue 31-Oct-17 16:40:30

Sounds horrible. Ignore him.

Blanchitsu Tue 31-Oct-17 16:51:17

Is he 15?!

What an arsehole. Whatever his reasons, as someone said it is inappropriate for a co-worker to comment on your appearance in this way.

I remember in high school and beyond, men being mean to me and a friend saying it's because they fancied me. But in the end I married the guy who was, you know, just straight up nice to me from the get go. Would say I looked lovely and want to be with me and compliment me.

I'd tell this guy to his face that he's a dick then ignore him.

whothefuckhas5children Tue 31-Oct-17 16:53:14

Nagging.
DO NOT FLIRT with him.

DO NOT ENGAFE with him again.

He's knocking you down to make it easier to pick you up. He'll continue the cycle while your confidence is eroded.

whothefuckhas5children Tue 31-Oct-17 16:53:34

*negging stupid autocorrect!

LesisMiserable Tue 31-Oct-17 17:26:45

My 15 yo DD is experiencing this atm with a 17 yo. Sounds like this guy hasn't grown out of his teens mentally yet

Lily2007 Tue 31-Oct-17 18:32:03

I've had a man turned nasty after I told him off for his flirting as he was married with a pregnant (and glamourous) wife with a planned baby. Seemed to think I was obliged to have a relationship with him. Wife totally obviously, online saying how wonderful he was but didn't have the heart to tell a pregnant woman. He did swear to me he would stop his behaviour but I'm not naive. If you've rejected him that could be why. Best avoided.

Ohdearducks Tue 31-Oct-17 18:35:06

Yup he’s negging you, pathetic little saddo can’t get someone to date him on his own merit so has to resort to nasty mind games to manipulate women.
Bin the fucker off he’s got no respect for women.

WhiteDog Tue 31-Oct-17 18:35:56

So do men who neg do it on purpose or does it come naturally?

beesandknees Tue 31-Oct-17 19:34:19

So do men who neg do it on purpose or does it come naturally?

Well, does it matter? It's a red flag regardless of whether it's intentional.

I'm sure it comes naturally to some, but there are also so-called "pickup artist" manuals out there that teach negging as a pickup technique.

It's basically a way to pick out the most vulnerable, damaged women and encourage them to seek approval from the man who's doing the negging. In this way, the pickup artist hooks the woman in and eventually can manipulate her into sexual favours as she tries to prove to him that she is worthy of his positive attention

It's pretty sick stuff

IfyouseeRitaMoreno Tue 31-Oct-17 19:37:42

I saw the title and automatically thought “negging”.

Either that or he’s realised that things aren’t going anywhere with you and got nasty in rejection.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno Tue 31-Oct-17 19:38:31

In this way, the pickup artist hooks the woman in and eventually can manipulate her into sexual favours as she tries to prove to him that she is worthy of his positive attention

And they say women are the manipulators!

Guiltybystander Tue 31-Oct-17 19:42:56

Ignore this asswipe from now on.

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