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Using location-tracking apps in a relationship - AIBU?

(108 Posts)
MichelGarnier Tue 31-Oct-17 13:43:23

A female friend told me she has one of those apps on her phone. Her DH is a driver and often works nights so she says she has it so if anything happens to him she would know where he was. But she also uses it at other times, e.g. she watched him stop off somewhere coming home once and asked him when he got back where he'd been and then when he said "nowhere" she was like well I watched you go here. I think her DH might have it for her too but I don't know if he uses it or not.

AIBU to think if it was him coming out with these kinds of comments we would all say it's controlling and weird? I was a bit hmmconfused when she told me.

TheNaze73 Tue 31-Oct-17 13:47:40

She sounds like a fruitloop. How is that legal?

messyjessy17 Tue 31-Oct-17 13:49:07

Of course it's legal, why wouldn't it be?

It's weird, but apparently quite common. There was a thread here recently full of women who think its a perfectly reasonable thing to have, for their partners and themselves.

WitchesHatRim Tue 31-Oct-17 13:50:23

I'd find that completely controlling.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 31-Oct-17 13:51:32

It's not illegal.
I wouldn't like it though.
Having said that, I might have managed to find out far earlier on, that my ExP was a cheating fucking shit if I'd had it for him.
But hey-ho - we are where we are.

RafikiIsTheBest Tue 31-Oct-17 13:53:16

There have been times that DP has had to work late unexpectedly or lost track of time and hasn't heard his phone. For times like those, I'm glad because one quick look and I know he's still at work. Short of something happening at work (where I'm his emergency contact so hopefully would soon hear) I know he's safe. If he's just set off late I can see he's moving. Of course, if he's sat in stationary traffic for a few minutes I start to panic and keep calling...
Also, we're both terrible for losing our phones, and losing them when they are on silent. Find my iPhone has a handy play a noise button, which even plays when the phone is silent. DP has a new non-apple phone and I haven't been able to log in online for some reason... I've not had my phone for 2 days and still can't find the blasted thing!

AnchorDownDeepBreath Tue 31-Oct-17 13:55:10

It’s horrendous.

And I say that as someone who was convinced to use Find my Friends by an ex: who said he needed to know when I’d be home/if I was delayed/when to put tea on etc.

There’s no good reason. It’s one of those things that makes people feel secure because they’ve got a way to track someone; a way to know everything. It’s unhealthy.

abbeycafe Tue 31-Oct-17 13:56:29

How can I get one of these please. My husband drives long distance and I do worry.

Swizzlesticks23 Tue 31-Oct-17 13:56:53

What the actual F.

Aperolspritzer123 Tue 31-Oct-17 13:57:12

It's bonkers that. If I felt that insecure with someone I wouldn't be with them. It's a complete invasion of privacy.

RafikiIsTheBest Tue 31-Oct-17 13:57:15

Posted to soon.
DP uses it for me for the same reasons. It's always a back up after we've tried calling, or just if one of us has left our phones somewhere.

But then we also don't try to catch each other out with lies. If we've noticed the other one somewhere expected we either ask about it or discard it as one more irrelevant bit of information from our day to day lives. I trust my DP and he seems to trust me.

I'd also think it's a great idea for children/teens when they start going out on their own. It's just a safety feature.

pinkpickle8 Tue 31-Oct-17 14:10:44

I know someone who tracks their 30 year old son with it! WTF

Clutterbugsmum Tue 31-Oct-17 14:14:42

Like RafikiIsTheBest, we (DH, ME & DD1) have it on our phones to see where some one is for example DD1 has a mile and half walk home from school and not many people walk the same way, she feels safer (she is 13) knowing we can check her whereabouts if need be.

heron98 Tue 31-Oct-17 14:15:30

I would HATE this.

I have nothing to hide, but quite like going off and doing my own thing and knowing no one knowing where I am. Tonight, for example, I'm going to the gym after work. I haven't told DP because he'll probably not be home before me anyway so why should it matter. I would be really annoyed to be tracked

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Tue 31-Oct-17 14:17:14

DP and I both have them on our phones but we only actually activate them in specific circumstances eg if he is away driving so I can see when he is heading back, or when I leave from a night shift in case I don't make it home

AnchorDownDeepBreath Tue 31-Oct-17 14:18:27

The other thing that rarely gets mentioned is the security. Professionally I wrote to both Apple and Google requesting information on how safe these were - after all; if you’re letting some people track your movements and know exactly where you are, are you letting everyone?

Their answers were largely unhelpful.

messyjessy17 Tue 31-Oct-17 14:20:21

For times like those, I'm glad because one quick look and I know he's still at work. Short of something happening at work (where I'm his emergency contact so hopefully would soon hear) I know he's safe

No you don't. You know where his phone is, that's all.

DancesWithOtters Tue 31-Oct-17 14:22:54

We have each other's location on Google maps and we use it all the time for:

* So whoever is the one at home doing dinner can see where the other is for ETA - no texting while driving or stopping on bike to text
* So I can see if DP is stuck in traffic - mega awful nightmare traffic situations here, sometimes adding an hour to a 40 min journey
* So when DP is cycling home from the pub I can see his little image moving - therefore he hasn't fallen off into a ditch.
* We use it a lot on holiday/travelling if we're meeting from separate locations (one of us from hotel room, one of us from pool) we can see where the other is easily.

There's never been any trust issues/cheating. It's never crossed my mind. But if i'm about to put some rice/pasta on to cook and can see he's stuck at a roundabout 40 mins away i'll hold off. Without ringing/texting him in traffic. We just find it convenient.

bonzo77 Tue 31-Oct-17 14:22:58

DH and I have it. Means I can see how long till he’s home so no need to call him when he’s driving. Also if I have an accident horse riding he can see where I am. We only really use it if the other one is late home.

DancesWithOtters Tue 31-Oct-17 14:24:57

My SIL and her DP also use it a lot because they both commute through central London and there was previously some panic during a terror attack one of them was 2 mins away from.

HotPotatoePies Tue 31-Oct-17 14:30:09

I use a tracking app and have it on my kids phones too. I think it's a good idea to know where people are without ringing when in traffic etc. Have some friends on it too and use it when we're meeting in town or something.

I think as long as everyone knows it's there there's no issue. I love it.

HotPotatoePies Tue 31-Oct-17 14:30:36

PS if i was going to have an affair I would just stop sharing my location and claim bad signal anyway

AlonsosLeftPinky Tue 31-Oct-17 14:44:40

Tracking your partner with GPS is beyond fucking weird.

Is it the final way of depriving people of even a modicum of freedom and privacy?

Ploppymoodypants Tue 31-Oct-17 14:48:41

I have it. I go running or horse riding alone and if I fell off and was injured I want someone to be able to find me if I am passed out in the woods or field or whatnot! It was also helpful once when DH left his phone ‘on a job’ but we didn’t know which one. But apart from that we don’t use it. Don’t feel the need to ‘track’ each other. It’s for emergencies.

Ploppymoodypants Tue 31-Oct-17 14:52:28

I think the key is, we both have it, both consent to it and don’t abuse it. Like many things in a relationship it could be used as a tool To enable abuse or controlling behaviour. But in an equal and trusting relationship it has its benefits. I am happy to be tracked if needs be. I am not up to anything suspicious and I have a DH who respects that fact that I have the right to go where i please and trusts me. I appreciate not everyone is as fortunate.

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