Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Reading husbands text message

(99 Posts)
juwayriyyah31 Mon 30-Oct-17 22:21:53

I come across so many people feeling bad for reading their husbands messages. 'I know I shouldn't hve done it' etc... I thought it was normal to read each other's messages and there's nothing wrong with it. Me and my husband hve free access to each other's phones etc And I find it part of the trust in our relationship . But some people might see it as invading his privacy. What are your opinions ?

LesisMiserable Mon 30-Oct-17 22:27:26

My opinion is you could have absolute access to each other's phones but if somebody is going to cheat they will cheat regardless so phones are a moot point either way.

userxx Mon 30-Oct-17 22:29:17

Nope, I don't find it normal at all.

DramaAlpaca Mon 30-Oct-17 22:31:59

DH & I never read each other's text messages, the same way as we don't open each other's post.

We would both find it an invasion of privacy. We trust each other completely, so there is no need to read each other's messages.

Starwhisperer Mon 30-Oct-17 22:32:10

I have complete access to my husband's phone but I wouldn't dream of reading through his messages. The trust works both ways

AndNoneForGretchenWieners Mon 30-Oct-17 22:34:26

DH and I use each other's phones interchangeably depending on whose is closer or has most battery. But then we also trust each other implicitly and so don't snoop. My friend and her ex had access to each other's phones too but he had a pay as you go second phone she knew nothing about, until she found it charging in the garage one night and found text messages from another woman. I agree that if someone is going to cheat, they will be creative.

Gazelda Mon 30-Oct-17 22:38:19

I know DH’s pin for his phone, and he knows mine. I could read his texts if I wanted to, and vice versa. But it wouldn’t cross my mind to do so. I trust him. He trusts me.

Frillyhorseyknickers Mon 30-Oct-17 22:38:28

I just think it is odd. Why the fuck do I want to go through my husband's phone to read his messages - it's akin to listening in on other people's private conversations. I have absolutely nothing to hide and my DH knows how to access my phone and vice Versa but I couldn't think of a more boring way to spend an evening reading...

SparklingRaspberry Mon 30-Oct-17 22:41:13

If I genuinely thought my partner was cheating then I'd most likely snoop, yes. I wouldn't be silly enough to just ask him, I'd want proof.

However I wouldn't just check his phone/messages simply to keep track of him despite having no concerns. If he wanted to do that with me I'd find it pretty weird and possessive tbh.

schoolgaterebel Mon 30-Oct-17 22:41:45

We have complete access to each other's phones, Facebook passwords etc. I would never and have never read his messages, I trust him completely and I would have no problem him reading mine, even though they would bore him senseless.

Often on each other's phones to check on something while driving or send something (such as a photo or train ticket) to myself etc.

NextIndia Mon 30-Oct-17 22:42:57

I trusted my DH completely for 15 years, until the night I walked into the kitchen as he was texting the OW and telling her he was in love with her.

Otterturk Mon 30-Oct-17 22:44:38

DP and I know each other's codes but neither of us would read messages.

ArgyMargy Mon 30-Oct-17 22:46:12

No, there is no need to read someone else's messages. I wouldn't open a letter addressed to someone else. For goodness sake have some respect.

SleightOfMind Mon 30-Oct-17 22:52:07

DH and I have free access to each other’s devices and I do occasionally scroll through his msgs.

Usually at Xmas or if we’re throwing a big party in summer etc. He has been known to make excited arrangements and forget to mention it to me.

I’m exactly the same tbh and he does the same to me. It’s not snooping, it’s just catching up with boring detail in the most expedient manner.

I’m with you OP, wtf would you worry about your dp seeing your ‘private msgs’, and vice versa unless it was a new relationship or you had doubts?

Petalflowers Mon 30-Oct-17 22:56:48

We have access to eqch’s phome, iPads etc. I don’t make an active,point of reading his texts etc, but could if I wanted to. I guess it’s not an invasion of privacy, because have an (unspoken) permission to do so.

PinkHeart5914 Mon 30-Oct-17 22:57:50

I don’t see the need to read each other’s messages if you’ve got trust tbh, making a point of reading a dh/dp messages says to me that you’ve got issues

I don’t even know dh phone password or laptop password and he doesn’t know mine, we’ve not trust issues and we have our own devices so don’t need to use each other’s.

SleightOfMind Mon 30-Oct-17 23:00:29

Oh, we open each other’s mail all the time too. Especially if it looks important.

We can then tell the other person if they need to sort time off for an appt, or email back urgently before they get back from work that evening.
Is this just not more efficient? I also find the whole preciousness over phones and emails strange.

However, me and DH have been together for ages, have 4DCs, from 6th form to reception, troublesome new rescue dogs and fairly demanding jobs. It would be weird if we had to formally update each other all the time it would be nonsensical.

OTOH, if I was going to do something horrible, I’d definitely have to get a ’garage’ phone.

ZetaPuppis Mon 30-Oct-17 23:03:33

I would be pissed off if dh went through my messages. I have conversations with friends and family at times that are private.
Not necessarily on my part but theirs.
That should be respected.
I wouldn’t go through she messages either.

MrsOverTheRoad Mon 30-Oct-17 23:03:36

I COULD look at DH's phone any time I wanted....and he at mine.

But I don't. What's the point?

If you thought your partner was being unfaithful though...then you'd look. I think the trust is broken when it's broken....and that's when you suspect your partner is having an if the trust is broken anyway, there's no reason to feel bad for looking.

Myheartbelongsto Mon 30-Oct-17 23:08:38

My boyfriend and I have free access to each others phones. We don't even have pin codes!

The other day he went out and his phone was dead so gave him mine.

Right now we are in the kitchen and he just gave me his phone to play a level of candy crush. Earlier when he went out he left it here.

fos6mo3 Mon 30-Oct-17 23:10:05

I think what ever works for your relationship and that there are a lot of judgmental people in this world !

mindutopia Mon 30-Oct-17 23:15:46

I agree with the pp that if you have a trusting relationship there is no need to read each other’s messages. Though I think there is probably a difference between not doing it because you don’t need to and being banned from doing so, if that makes sense. As far as I know at least, dh has never read my messages and I’ve never read his - bearing like seeing them as they come through on his phone if I’m standing next to it. I’ve never opened his phone and gone through them. Because I’ve never had a reason to.

I think if you truly feel like you have a reason to, then you should and it’s possibly wrong but a necessary evil (I have done it with exes who I suspected were cheating and discovered in each case my suspicions were right). So my dh and I don’t have a policy where we have access to each other’s phones per se so we can check. But my phone isn’t password protected and I know his password (because he uses his phone for business, we run a family business, and I have on occasion needed to access it, it’s the same password he has used since about 2005, also his pin for his bank card, etc, so not a big secret).

So we don’t have a policy that we can check each other’s phones because neither of us feel we need to. We’re secure and have total trust in each other. But equally we aren’t prevented from doing it either. It’s just a non-issue.

That said, for anyone who suspects they are being cheated on, check away! No one deserves to be lied to and manipulated and when it’s happened to be in previous relationships I have. But that’s also why I’m not in those relationships anymore, because there was no trust. I’m glad I found out as soon as I could.

thepatchworkcat Mon 30-Oct-17 23:18:45

It seems weird to me, my DH and I wouldn’t dream of going through each other’s messages. I think you can have privacy even when you’re in a relationship and it doesn’t mean anything dodgy is going on. I couldn’t be with someone who wanted to look through my messages. That’s not to say we don’t borrow each other’s phones if needed for a specific purpose and we both know the passcodes for them.

MrLovebucket Mon 30-Oct-17 23:21:29

Nothing wrong with having free access to each other's phones but it means diddly squat if they are using a PAYG to contact the OW like my friend's DH did.

Mumof56 Mon 30-Oct-17 23:23:56

I have free access to my partners phone, I wouldn't be bothered to read his text messages.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: