Reading husbands text message

[juwayriyyah31]

I come across so many people feeling bad for reading their husbands messages. 'I know I shouldn't hve done it' etc... I thought it was normal to read each other's messages and there's nothing wrong with it. Me and my husband hve free access to each other's phones etc And I find it part of the trust in our relationship . But some people might see it as invading his privacy. What are your opinions ?

[LesisMiserable]

My opinion is you could have absolute access to each other's phones but if somebody is going to cheat they will cheat regardless so phones are a moot point either way.

[userxx]

Nope, I don't find it normal at all.

[DramaAlpaca]

DH & I never read each other's text messages, the same way as we don't open each other's post.

We would both find it an invasion of privacy. We trust each other completely, so there is no need to read each other's messages.

[Starwhisperer]

I have complete access to my husband's phone but I wouldn't dream of reading through his messages. The trust works both ways

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

DH and I use each other's phones interchangeably depending on whose is closer or has most battery. But then we also trust each other implicitly and so don't snoop. My friend and her ex had access to each other's phones too but he had a pay as you go second phone she knew nothing about, until she found it charging in the garage one night and found text messages from another woman. I agree that if someone is going to cheat, they will be creative.

[Gazelda]

I know DH’s pin for his phone, and he knows mine. I could read his texts if I wanted to, and vice versa. But it wouldn’t cross my mind to do so. I trust him. He trusts me.

[Frillyhorseyknickers]

I just think it is odd. Why the fuck do I want to go through my husband's phone to read his messages - it's akin to listening in on other people's private conversations. I have absolutely nothing to hide and my DH knows how to access my phone and vice Versa but I couldn't think of a more boring way to spend an evening reading...

[SparklingRaspberry]

If I genuinely thought my partner was cheating then I'd most likely snoop, yes. I wouldn't be silly enough to just ask him, I'd want proof.

However I wouldn't just check his phone/messages simply to keep track of him despite having no concerns. If he wanted to do that with me I'd find it pretty weird and possessive tbh.

[schoolgaterebel]

We have complete access to each other's phones, Facebook passwords etc. I would never and have never read his messages, I trust him completely and I would have no problem him reading mine, even though they would bore him senseless.

Often on each other's phones to check on something while driving or send something (such as a photo or train ticket) to myself etc.

[NextIndia]

I trusted my DH completely for 15 years, until the night I walked into the kitchen as he was texting the OW and telling her he was in love with her.

[Otterturk]

DP and I know each other's codes but neither of us would read messages.

[ArgyMargy]

No, there is no need to read someone else's messages. I wouldn't open a letter addressed to someone else. For goodness sake have some respect.

[SleightOfMind]

DH and I have free access to each other’s devices and I do occasionally scroll through his msgs.

Usually at Xmas or if we’re throwing a big party in summer etc. He has been known to make excited arrangements and forget to mention it to me.

I’m exactly the same tbh and he does the same to me. It’s not snooping, it’s just catching up with boring detail in the most expedient manner.

I’m with you OP, wtf would you worry about your dp seeing your ‘private msgs’, and vice versa unless it was a new relationship or you had doubts?

[Petalflowers]

We have access to eqch’s phome, iPads etc. I don’t make an active,point of reading his texts etc, but could if I wanted to. I guess it’s not an invasion of privacy, because have an (unspoken) permission to do so.

[PinkHeart5914]

I don’t see the need to read each other’s messages if you’ve got trust tbh, making a point of reading a dh/dp messages says to me that you’ve got issues

I don’t even know dh phone password or laptop password and he doesn’t know mine, we’ve not trust issues and we have our own devices so don’t need to use each other’s.

[SleightOfMind]

Oh, we open each other’s mail all the time too. Especially if it looks important.

We can then tell the other person if they need to sort time off for an appt, or email back urgently before they get back from work that evening.
Is this just not more efficient? I also find the whole preciousness over phones and emails strange.

However, me and DH have been together for ages, have 4DCs, from 6th form to reception, troublesome new rescue dogs and fairly demanding jobs. It would be weird if we had to formally update each other all the time it would be nonsensical.

OTOH, if I was going to do something horrible, I’d definitely have to get a ’garage’ phone.

[ZetaPuppis]

I would be pissed off if dh went through my messages. I have conversations with friends and family at times that are private.
Not necessarily on my part but theirs.
That should be respected.
I wouldn’t go through she messages either.

[MrsOverTheRoad]

I COULD look at DH's phone any time I wanted....and he at mine.

But I don't. What's the point?

If you thought your partner was being unfaithful though...then you'd look. I think the trust is broken when it's broken....and that's when you suspect your partner is having an affair...so if the trust is broken anyway, there's no reason to feel bad for looking.

[Myheartbelongsto]

My boyfriend and I have free access to each others phones. We don't even have pin codes!

The other day he went out and his phone was dead so gave him mine.

Right now we are in the kitchen and he just gave me his phone to play a level of candy crush. Earlier when he went out he left it here.

[fos6mo3]

I think what ever works for your relationship and that there are a lot of judgmental people in this world !

[mindutopia]

I agree with the pp that if you have a trusting relationship there is no need to read each other’s messages. Though I think there is probably a difference between not doing it because you don’t need to and being banned from doing so, if that makes sense. As far as I know at least, dh has never read my messages and I’ve never read his - bearing like seeing them as they come through on his phone if I’m standing next to it. I’ve never opened his phone and gone through them. Because I’ve never had a reason to.

I think if you truly feel like you have a reason to, then you should and it’s possibly wrong but a necessary evil (I have done it with exes who I suspected were cheating and discovered in each case my suspicions were right). So my dh and I don’t have a policy where we have access to each other’s phones per se so we can check. But my phone isn’t password protected and I know his password (because he uses his phone for business, we run a family business, and I have on occasion needed to access it, it’s the same password he has used since about 2005, also his pin for his bank card, etc, so not a big secret).

So we don’t have a policy that we can check each other’s phones because neither of us feel we need to. We’re secure and have total trust in each other. But equally we aren’t prevented from doing it either. It’s just a non-issue.

That said, for anyone who suspects they are being cheated on, check away! No one deserves to be lied to and manipulated and when it’s happened to be in previous relationships I have. But that’s also why I’m not in those relationships anymore, because there was no trust. I’m glad I found out as soon as I could.

[thepatchworkcat]

It seems weird to me, my DH and I wouldn’t dream of going through each other’s messages. I think you can have privacy even when you’re in a relationship and it doesn’t mean anything dodgy is going on. I couldn’t be with someone who wanted to look through my messages. That’s not to say we don’t borrow each other’s phones if needed for a specific purpose and we both know the passcodes for them.

[MrLovebucket]

Nothing wrong with having free access to each other's phones but it means diddly squat if they are using a PAYG to contact the OW like my friend's DH did.

[Mumof56]

I have free access to my partners phone, I wouldn't be bothered to read his text messages.

[ewen1234]

This might not have the same bearing but I have been separated from my ex now for almost 20 years and we did not have mobile phones at the time. I trusted him with my life and I thought that he felt the same way. We had no children and but although we were not married, we had a joint bank account, a joint mortgage and were married in every sense of the word but with no ceremony and no marriage certificate.

Anyway, we had a joint bank account with the Halifax, so when one night I was doing a clean up in our downstairs cupboard I came across a bank account in his jacket pocket ( a pocket which was in full view of anyone to see, obviously by accident on his part), which he had been depositing money into behind my back every month into a TSB Bank Account (in his sole name??). He said this was "rainy day" money for us when we really needed it.. If that was the case then why didnt he tell me?? After all, my Tesco Shares paid for our holidays every year, as well as other things. I NEVER hid anything from him!!

If he had had a mobile phone, I dread to think what the prick would have been up to!!... (Sorry for the offensive language").. XXX