Partner spent £900 on a laptop

[MotherOfDragons22]

I know its not AIBU but I feel like I might be unreasonable anyway, he spent his own money on it, but I am pregnant, and I thought maybe (basically he had a refund of something, so cash that he could spend on whatever really) he might want to have spent some of it on his kid- I asked for the pram at 150 which he has bought but made noises about how much it cost! Then blows a huge amount on a machine? I don't think he gets why I am a bit upset.

[Callamia]

The unreasonable bit is why it sounds like you has to ask him for money to buy a pram.

Will you get to use the laptop too? How do you make decisions about big purchases usually?

[MotherOfDragons22]

Yeah he said I can use it when he is at work, but in all fairness when the baby is born I'm not exactly gonna get a chance to. I wanted a 150 pound carseat as well but I've basically had to haggle down to a 35 pound one
But yeah 900 on a laptop is perfectly fine. I don't understand.

[Wellandtrulyoutnumbered]

It's not the laptop it's the financial set up in your relationship.

[Callamia]

There are lots of questions beyond the laptop.
Why don’t you have (access to) any money? Why does he not want to provide for his child?
Are you ok in this relationship?

[TammyswansonTwo]

£35 on a car seat? Doesn't sound very safe to me, and totally unacceptable if he's willing to spend £900 on a laptop when you can get powerful laptops that cost a few hundred (or is he a mac user for work reasons maybe?).

[ArcheryAnnie]

This is red flags all the way down, OP. You are no longer two individuals with your own separate finances, you are a family who should have equal access to the same money pot, because you have a child together to provide for. If your partner doesn't understand this, then it's time (way, way overdue) to have a chat about it, and set your financial affairs in order.

[MotherOfDragons22]

He is going to return it. We had quite a lengthy discussion last night and he gets it now i think

[splendidisolation]

I'm self-employed and my laptop is the tool of my trade. I use it 8 hours a day to work on. It cost me £500.

He is being disgustingly over indulgent with himself.

[Acadia]

You should not be asking for money. You either have money because you earn a salary or your partner will have to financially support you while you do not work due to the baby. If he will not do this, inform him you'll be returning to work and he can shoulder the considerable cost of childcare.

Don't fall into the trap so many women fall into, which is you go on maternity leave and find yourself penniless because Dickhead over there carries on like life is normal and you have no wage, and no way to access a wage, and then convince yourself you can't return to work anyway because childcare costs twice your salary.

Childcare is a shared cost. If you return to work he'll be liable for 50% of the fees. It's not your responsibility alone to either end up in personal poverty or single-parent-style pay for childcare on one salary.

Sort out how your finances are going to work moving forward.

Or tell the selfish prat you'll be returning to work after 6 months and you hope he's looking forward to putting in his flexible working request.