I'm starting to hate him.

[pudding21]

I left my emotionally abusive ex after 21 years together in Feb, whom despite everything I still loved. Its been very difficult for me, I moved out of our family home, have the kids 60% of the time, work full time, my father has been ill, ex is mentally unstable, we live abroad. He is bitter and twisted about it all, doesn't see that he really did anything wrong.

I have tried to keep it civil and tried to support him through his emotional outbursts and general shitty behavior. I thought naively we might be able to be friends as some periods have been calm and we have managed to have dinner together, do kids stuff together etc. I want to co parent together in the best way for the kids, but I actually want to vomit when I see him now because he is so unpredictable.

He had the boys all weekend, prior to this we had been checking in with each other to discuss about the kids etc. He has been radio silent for the last week. He took offence to me saying something about how busy I am. He made a shitty reference to that when he came. I do everything related to the kids, school, after school activites, health etc, work, organising the house sale etc.

He does f**k all apart from look after our house and has the boys every thursday and friday and every other weekend. This morning he showed up at my house unannounced and got shitty with me. If I had turned up at the family home, he would have been outraged. He doesn't work. With the sale of our family home, he will be set for life. He really has no idea what I have to juggle every day.

I cried like a baby when he left, its taken a long time but I am starting to hate him, and I didn't want this. Why do I let him get to me still? I have kind of moved on, seeing a guy and am very happy in that respect. How can I stop his attitude affecting me so much? How do I stop him controlling me..??

[Kr1st1na]

It sounds like you are doing amazing well. But you are expecting too much of yourself so soon after you split. It’s only natural that you will be angry and upset by the shitty way he’s behaving.

It seems to be a stage in the process. At first you still love him , then once your eyes are opened you really REALLY hate him for what he put you and the kids through .

I think it takes a lot longer than 8 months before you can just find him vaguely irritating and boring predictable .

I suspect you are being too accommodating to him but I’m not an expert and some will be here soon.

[pudding21]

Thanks for your reply, I agree I am expecting too much. It kind of gives me the strength to continue but this morning he had me on my knees again. I am much much happier in my own place, and the kids are happier too. I just have to accept he is a miserable bastard and learn to deflect his anger and shitiness towards me.

[SandyY2K]

He behaves nasty to make himself feel better and he's jealous and bitter. Such people lack the ability to self reflect and see the error of their ways.

Seeing you doing so well is getting to him, so he needs to put you down.

Just try not to engage and keep communication about the DC. I'd message him aching bit to cine unannounced, as you would extend the same courtesy to him.