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Marriage just went downhill feel like crap

(14 Posts)
user1500363920 Sun 29-Oct-17 19:18:32

Hi I don’t have anyone to talk to and appreciate all advice.

We have been married 3 years 2 kids at 1 and 4 been together 5 years but previously got together 11 years ago for a short time before he went on holiday with his ex , yes i was naive and believed him when he said he was on a break with his ex but he had a holiday with her booked and went and that was the end. I was 16 then.

Fast forward , we constantly have arguments now. I think I am almost up to my limits with him and not quite sure what to do now. I confronted him that when he is drunk he is more flirty and a bit over friendly with my female friends. On his 30th when I wasn’t drinking as I was just pregnant at the time and I saw him dancing quite close with my friend and I sat with another couple for sometime but he didnt even bother to look for me. Yes I have some insecurities but then again we do have the history.

We have had a physical fight where we were both quite drunk and that was a bad time.

He isn’t a devoted father that I so wish for him to be. He would rather look on his phone at car forums as he does some car racing as a hobby instead of anything children related. If he does go out with my son it’ll be to a car event. On his instagram he doesn’t have a single picture of my youngest son on there at all and that hurts me. They are all of cars. How come some dads are just so good at being dads! I salute them. The dads that are so hands on and do absolutely everything to make their kids happy, thats not mine. He will play with them maybe 20 minutes then on his phone.

He doesn’t make any suggestions on where to go out with the kids, I always end up making all the decisions.

He disrespects women i feel. On his male group chat , i get there is banter but sometimes just too much. I saw that he wrote things like a holes a hole it’s all about cumming. And getting his money’s worth. So disgusting I know.

Sorry for all the ranting. I know you may be thinking leave him already but I do really love him and he does pay for everything and support the family and I don’t work and look after the kids full time. My eldest is a daddy’s boy and is constantly looking for him. We do have our good times but it can go from good to bad in an instant. My parents are separated which makes me want to make my own marriage work.

I have confronted him in quite an angry way that I don’t like how he gets more closer to people when drunk ie touch their hair or brush against their arm and I turn it around that next time I’m drunk I’ll get up close to another man. It just isn’t right. He never answered me.

Thank you for reading I really needed to talk.

butterfly56 Sun 29-Oct-17 19:25:23

Unfortunately OP he is a single man who happens to be married.
He is selfish and not interested in being a family man.
You gut feeling is telling you that it's not going to work out and no amount of discussions/arguments with him will fix it.
You deserve a lot better then him flowers

Farontothemaddingcrowd Sun 29-Oct-17 19:28:35

He sounds horrible OP. I appreciate it's not easy to just leave, but I would suggest you start planning. This marriage is eroding your self respect. Being a single parent isn't that bad, I'm one, and it sounds like you'll get more free time than you do now.

user1500363920 Sun 29-Oct-17 19:44:07

Thank you. I know and I have been giving it some thoughts. The kids are just so young and I can’t come to terms with it all if and when it comes to that road.

You are completely right that he’s selfish. I agree. He’s so interested in keeping himself looking good with going to the gym etc.

I forgot to add in my OP that he always get ill at least twice a year where by he will be sick for at least 2/3 days but I sometimes feel like he is dragging it out. Recently I had no sympathy whatsoever as I already have two kids to run after and not going to look after a third! This did make me irrate as I can be better have a long lie in and some food but he will be ill for so much longer. Yes it seems like I’m a bitch but he really should man up and stop telling me everyday something is wrong - sore head , sore leg whatever whatever. His rubbish immune system when his dad disinfected every single good bacteria when he was young thats the problem , IMO. What a joke

I just feel un appreciated and think to myself that is there someone out there that can put themselves 100% into my kids and be the loving father and man of the house.

butterfly56 Sun 29-Oct-17 19:44:50

He sounds horrible OP. I appreciate it's not easy to just leave, but I would suggest you start planning. This marriage is eroding your self respect. Being a single parent isn't that bad, I'm one, and it sounds like you'll get more free time than you do now.

Totally agree with you Farontothemaddingcrowd

LoveDeathPrizes Sun 29-Oct-17 19:46:52

Getting their money's worth? Are you sure they're not using prostitutes?

Think I'd be repelled by that comment alone!

AnyFucker Sun 29-Oct-17 19:52:49

Well, you are obviously going to stay with this prick so what is it you want from us ?

Farontothemaddingcrowd Sun 29-Oct-17 19:55:10

You don't need a man of the house. You can be the woman of the house. You certainly don't need someone who will treat you like this.

sabrinathemiddleagedwitch1 Sun 29-Oct-17 20:00:07

What is it you love about him ? Even if you don't want to answer that question on here really ask yourself this. Someone asked me this question years ago about my ex. I told myself I loved him, I mean I must have I'd been with him for years. But when I actually thought about this basic question I couldn't answer it. Sometimes it's better the devil you know but your worth more than that aren't you ?

sabrinathemiddleagedwitch1 Sun 29-Oct-17 20:01:21

Oh and note I said ex

user1500363920 Sun 29-Oct-17 20:06:29

No not prostitutes. If he ever cheated on me I would have kicked him out in an instant. Its his way of being ‘funny’

Sorry I keep adding to all the cons but I locked him out the house a few months ago when I found out he went to his parents house for dinner without even bothering to tell me. This was after he picked up a car at the garage. I had made dinner and everything only to get a phone call from his mum asking me why i wasnt at her house yet for dinner?! He had already planned it all. I was raging and just locked him out. How disrespectful 😡

Farontothemaddingcrowd Sun 29-Oct-17 20:09:35

There's nothing funny about his behaviour. When the contempt sets in and it sounds like it has, the relationship is over.

user1500363920 Sun 29-Oct-17 20:14:05

@ anyfucker - i dont want anything from you. I just dont have anyone to talk to. Thank you for reading. Maybe you were expecting me to reply I shall go to a divorce lawyer tomorrow?

He’s got some good in him I just don’t know if its enough now. I do notice that I respect him a lot more when I see that he shows his fatherly role and does the housework. Its just ashame it’s not consistent.

Life sucks at times

AnyFucker Sun 29-Oct-17 20:16:30

Your life will suck all the time if you stay with him

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