Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Would this bother you?

(35 Posts)
mysurveysays Sun 29-Oct-17 18:48:57

I am in the process of divorcing my h. It was his decision to leave, he has a wandering eye and had fallen out of love. We parent very amicably together and both have new partners who are lovely. All have met and get on fine.
There’s just one thing that is annoying me and it is the fact that my ex’s partner keeps buying my children clothes. To the point where I have packed them something to wear for a special occasion and she has bought them something else to wear. It makes me feel like the clothes I buy are not good enough. Plus I feel that as they are my children they should be dressed in the clothes I choose. I realise their dad has as much right but it is not him buying them. I suppose my question is, would this bother you and is it worth mentioning?

Aminuts23 Sun 29-Oct-17 18:51:18

If you all get on fine then I wouldn’t rock the boat with this. It’s not a massive issue really is it? Your DC are lucky enough to have good parents and step parents who love them, that’s all that matters in the grand scheme of things

Fragglewump Sun 29-Oct-17 18:53:06

Nope I was greatful when my ex Dh got a partner who bought the dcs clothes as before that he refused to and made me sent all the clothes when the went to visit him and sent them back dirty.

f83mx Sun 29-Oct-17 18:53:32

Not worth mentioning, might bother me a bit but not enough to say anything.

LemonShark Sun 29-Oct-17 18:55:30

Nothing wrong with it bothering you but you'd be wise to stay quiet, for the sake of harmonious relations. Be glad your ex's partner takes an interest in the kids and seems to care for them, it could be much worse!

Aquamarine1029 Sun 29-Oct-17 19:01:55

This is totally not worth mentioning. Your ex's partner is just trying to be nice, and you should be thankful she is so generous to your child. This is not a hill worth dying on.

BiscuitsBathroom Sun 29-Oct-17 19:02:12

You shouldn’t really need to pack anything for them staying with dad anyway. He should have what they need, sounds like she’s sorting that? My ex didn’t manage this until he got a GF!

rwalker Sun 29-Oct-17 19:28:52

wouldn't mention nice to read you all get on well and parent together with no problems .

Lillygolightly Sun 29-Oct-17 19:31:31

Honestly I can see that this is annoying however in the grand scheme of things I'd be pleased that she is invested enough to buy clothes for your children. Getting bought clothes is also so much better than sending them for contact with clothes you've worked hard to buy and then never seeing said clothes again as they migrate to the other house.

Dieu Sun 29-Oct-17 19:48:01

Hmm, I dunno, I'm with the OP on this. If she is routinely doing this, then to my mind it smacks of control.

bumpertobumper Sun 29-Oct-17 19:59:37

Dieu, you could look at it the other way around and say that the OP is being controlling but wanting to determine what the dc wear while with their dad...
Not saying that this is the case.

Warhammerwidow89 Sun 29-Oct-17 20:06:02

Maybe it's her way of making them feel included?
It must suck but I'd try not to get to upset.

Dieu Sun 29-Oct-17 20:08:47

She's the mum, at the end of the day. If she wasn't providing sufficient or appropriate clothing, then fair enough. However there is no reason for her ex's partner to be regularly buying the children new clothing, in favour of what their mother has provided. Perhaps I'm projecting my own feelings onto this, as ex's partner is the 'other woman', but I would feel slightly undermined in the OP's shoes.
Nothing wrong WHATSOEVER with the odd bought toy, treat, dressing up costume, item of clothing etc. But on a regular basis? Nah.

YellowMakesMeSmile Sun 29-Oct-17 20:20:18

Very controlling, why shouldn't they have clothes from others? Do you stop your partner buying them anything?

Mine choose for themselves, they are their own person so have free reign when shopping. I don't impose my tastes on them simply because I am their mum.

mysurveysays Sun 29-Oct-17 20:20:20

It’s not just clothes to wear while they are with their dad, there are way too many for that they only stay there once a fortnight. I obviously can’t stop it and I do think her heart is in the right place but I think it oversteps the mark a bit. I wouldn’t dream of buying so many clothes for someone else’s kids

mysurveysays Sun 29-Oct-17 20:21:11

Yellow mine are a little young for that!

AnneLovesGilbert Sun 29-Oct-17 20:34:56

It's your choice what they wear when they're with you and their dad's choice what they wear egeh they're with him. It's very nice of their stepmum to put the time, energy and money into buying them nice clothes. She's not dictating they wear them on your days is she. Before children are old enough to choose to move their clothes and things between homes, those belong in the homes where the adults bought them and it's not your business whether your ex or his partner paid for and choose them.

I really wouldn't make a fuss about this. It's kindness on their part and you'd look very silly to start trying to dictate what goes on or what the DC wear when they're not with you.

Mamabear3017 Sun 29-Oct-17 21:01:36

Someone I knew had a set up where the mother would send her child to her fathers every weekend in crappy clothes purposely so he'd have to dress her in whatever he bought.

She told him that he had to provide as much as she did so wouldn't send the child with ANYTHING he'd need for her stay.

Personally it wouldn't bother me if I was in this situation.

I'd love it if my family bought their own clothes to dress my child in, saves me packing/washing it!

happypoobum Sun 29-Oct-17 21:57:52

Oh dear blush

I used to love buying my DSDs clothes - I had no idea it was wrong of me.

Cricrichan Sun 29-Oct-17 22:07:32

I think it's nice of her and means you don't have to buy so many clothes.

Farontothemaddingcrowd Sun 29-Oct-17 22:09:45

It wouldn't bother me. It's nice of her.

Josuk Sun 29-Oct-17 23:05:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Annoyed5678 Sun 29-Oct-17 23:10:55

Maybe she doesn't want the clothes you get to end up with stains on or anything so prefers to use hers that way no arguments, I think its a nice gesture and she might feel its one less thing for you to pay for. I don't believe there's any agenda than being caring for your child

LellyMcKelly Mon 30-Oct-17 00:09:44

It probably hasn't crossed her mind for a second that she's doing something you disapprove of. She probably loves shopping and enjoys picking things for them, and it's nice that she's close enough to them to feel able to choose things she thinks they'd like. I'd let it go. In a world where we hear horror stories of how step parents treat step children this is actually quite lovely. While your kids are with your ex, it's his rules, not yours.

doodle01 Mon 30-Oct-17 00:52:03

Once a fortnight !
Leave it he may want 50/50 someday

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: