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Strained mother relationship

(3 Posts)
constantlyseekinghappiness Sun 29-Oct-17 18:33:19

I am just putting this out there to get an idea of other people's thoughts on this. I wonder if i'm right, or if i'm the problem.

I am 28 and have never had a good relationship with my mother - it has always been difficult and strained. My Father left when I was very young and my mother brought me and my elder brother up on her own. My brother is 3 years older. I have always grown up knowing that my brother was the 'favourite' - my mother has made things clear throughout the years in the way she treats him compared to how she has treated me. He is the golden child and can do no wrong in her eyes. I felt my whole life that the two of them ganged up on me and at times made me feel alienated and excluded.
I have a much older half sister who lives abroad and always have done. My relationship with her has never been a close one due to the age difference and I saw her very little when I was growing up and see her rarely now. When she did visit, she and my mother would spend hours talking after I had gone to bed. Mostly talking about me and my mother would bitch about me throughout the entire conversation. I heard every word of these conversations due to our small house and thin walls. She would tell my sister stories of things I had done wrong, but they would be things I had done when I was a much younger teenager and these conversations occurred when I was much older and in my 20s. She told the stories as though the event had only happened that week, not when i was 14, etc.
Now I am much older (I have moved out and now live alone) I find my mother doing the same thing with my brother. She has always bitched about me to him, but since he has been with his long term partner I have found his partner being included in this as well. Which has led to the partner getting involved in certain things and making comments to me that really have nothing to do with her, and really are not her place to say/get involved.

I just wonder what others' views of this are.

My mother has treated me dreadfully over the years and has always tried to alienate me and exclude me by talking about me to other family members. I know I have not been entirely blameless in my life, of course I have also at times been in the wrong. But is this a common thing? Sometimes I think the problem must just be me... since no one else seems to notice my mother's behaviour.

She was impossible to live with when I was at home, and would treat me like crap and then turn on the sunshine and sparkles when my brother and his partner were in company. I have made a success of my life and fully support myself on my own and have a good job. Why does she treat me like I am such a problem to her.

I confronted her about some things recently and she told me that "she has always just got on better with my brother".....

Am i the problem?

jeaux90 Sun 29-Oct-17 18:59:56

Doesn't sound like you are the problem here at all. She sounds like a bit of an asshole. I mean of a close friend of yours told you this story what would you say?

I'd advise my friend to go limited contact or no contact if it's possible.

You might want to have a look at the stately homes thread

constantlyseekinghappiness Sun 29-Oct-17 20:10:49

Thank you for directing me to the Stately Homes thread.... I am new here and had no idea where best to post.

And thank you for your response, I have often considered it from other points of view (like if i was in a relationship where my partner behaved like that) and felt I wouldn't put up with it coming from anyone else.

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