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Relationship problems

(2 Posts)
Winterariel Sun 29-Oct-17 11:19:52

I have been going out with my s/o for almost 18 years, married for over 10 of them.

For the first 16 years we where happy, yes we had the occasional argument but they were always quickly forgotten about.

Our problems started when we where trying to conceive our 3rd child. He said that he wanted another child but he was putting no effort in the bedroom and drinking alot. Then the arguments started when we would say the most horrible things to each other (including that both he and the kids would be better off if i killed myself). We would have a horrible argument, i would make the effort to talk to him about it but he just never took any responsibility.

He would do anything to try and make him look like the victim. He eventually decided that we would use protection as we wern't in the right place. So in the rare times that we had sex (he is only interested when he has a drink in him) we wouldn't get pregnent.

Anyway we sort of awkwardly got through it and moved on and things calmed down between us up and until the last month or 2 when the arguments have started again.
Its the same old stuff (we say horrible things to each other etc). He has never hit me but has thrown a drink over me when i questioned his binge drinking.

He spends most of his time on his phone and makes miminal effort in our relationship. I can feel the same rut set in that set in 2 years ago when all the arguments.

I am torn about leaving him as i want to believe we can get back to the happy relationship that we had and there is obviously the financial pain and the harm it would do to the kids.

So confused at what to do.

PyongyangKipperbang Sun 29-Oct-17 18:37:22

Have you said to him that you are considering ending your marriage?

You need to speak to him when he is sober and tell him that things have reached a point where they have to change or the marraige is over. He needs to commit to tackling what is clearly problem drinking and you both need to commit to counselling.

And tell him that if he assaults you again (throwing a drink at someone is classed as assault) then its game over, no more chances.

His reaction will tell you what to do. If he is angry, denying, blaming, etc then its over. If he agrees, commits and talks then there may be a chance. But get yourself organised anyway for leaving, just in case.

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