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Changing my outlook on relationships

(7 Posts)
Dontsayididntwarnyou Sun 29-Oct-17 07:56:35

Mid 20s have a history of dating charmers who end up breaking your heart (and knowing they will all along - self fulfilling prophecy thing although have got much better at nipping this in the bud earlier on now) or meeting lovely guys who call when they say they will, no game playing and therefore turn me right off...I stick at it and stick at it with these men hoping I can convince myself to want to be with them but obviously it never works.

What is wrong with me? Those close to me have advised that the issue is me (which I know and have always known that I need to sort out WHY I'm attracted to idiots). Does anyone have any advice on how they overcame this?

The second thing is, I've always had it drilled into my head that you should marry someone who "worships the ground you walk on", etc even if they're less attractive than I'd ideally want in a partner, and are overly keen because I 'should' learn that this is what makes a promising long term partner. Can anyone out honestly admit that they did this? I always read advice that you shouldn't settle because it isn't fair on the other person nor on yourself but I'm starting to think more women must do it if any of them have ever felt like me.

I probably sound shallow. I'm honestly not all about looks, but I do find attraction important. I just tend to find that men who I find attractive either turn out to be idiots, or, once I realise how keen they are etc suddenly become unattractive.

Just looking for some words of wisdom really. I really want to change.

pallasathena Sun 29-Oct-17 08:20:03

You're looking for a challenge, excitement and drama. Try to find all three in other ways such as hobbies, interests, travel, work even. If you carry on as you are, its more of the same and there are some truly lovley blokes out there you know.
Give them a chance.
Give yourself a chance too and tell yourself you deserve happiness.

Dontsayididntwarnyou Sun 29-Oct-17 08:48:51

Thank you for your advice

something2say Sun 29-Oct-17 09:24:58

Re the attraction thing, don't change there. I think what will happen is that you will meet someone whom you fancy becauss you like them so much. Don't settle or stay with a man you don't fancy be ayse one day you'll meet someone you do fancy and adore.

Re being adored in return, settle for nothing less!! But you have to feel it for each other, not just one way.

And re always going for unavailable men, well what was your father like? Was he available to you emotionally? If not, you may be playing that one out and the way to get rid of it is to stop laying it at the door of your partners, who are not your Daddy, and to get into the pain and letdown of not having a fatherxxxxxx

Bumpsadaisie Sun 29-Oct-17 09:28:42

I don’t think expecting to be worshipped is a very solid grounding for all the trials and tribulations of a lifelong partnership.

You’re not a goddess. You’re an ordinary person - and so will your partner be.

Farontothemaddingcrowd Sun 29-Oct-17 09:32:43

Following with interest as I'm very similar...

Dontsayididntwarnyou Sun 29-Oct-17 18:46:27

Thank you all for your responses. Yes my father was very emotionally unavailable although I feel that I have worked through a lot of those issues (but apparently not enough). Will take on board your comments and in future be more open minded. Thank you

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