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Accepting an apology then changing your mind

(5 Posts)
WhiteDog Sun 29-Oct-17 06:59:51

A couple of weeks ago, a friend said something really hurtful to me (it was a negative comment on my looks). I was upset at the time, I told her, she was very sorry and apologised and I accepted the apology. Things have been normal since then, we've talked a lot etc etc.

But ... as time passes, the more I think about it, the more hurt I feel, not just about the comment itself but the fact it wasn't the first time such a comment had been made (I also forgave the other time). I also keep thinking about other things she's done over the past months that have hurt me, that she has apologised for, and I have accepted the apology. I think I have always forgiven her because I valued the friendship so much and she was there for me during a hard time once, but suddenly and without warning it's as if I just never want to see her again. It's only in the last couple of days I've had time to think about it, and feel really hurt and angry at her.

But - I accepted the apology, and things have been normal since. I should have just let things slide two weeks ago but she was so sorry I felt a bit sorry for her (she was very drunk at the time) and at the time I didn't want to create a fuss.

What would you do? Can I even change my mind?

Shadow666 Sun 29-Oct-17 07:02:37

Take some time out and see how you feel. You don’t owe anyone friendship. If you want to stop being friends with her then that is absolutely your right.

AlternativeTentacle Sun 29-Oct-17 07:04:59

you don't have to unaccept the apology but you can reassess the friendship and suggest sitting down and asking her what underlying feelings are causing her to snipe at you as it wasn't a one off.

Cambionome Sun 29-Oct-17 07:05:23

I would distance yourself a bit and see how you feel in a couple of weeks. She doesn't sound like a great friend tbh.

WhiteDog Sun 29-Oct-17 08:26:01

Maybe you’re right and a bit of space is best. How to get this though when you will see each other often? It’s hard

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