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Idiots guide to tinder for the snooper...

(10 Posts)
TheReferoo Sat 28-Oct-17 15:41:24

I’ve just found a verification code from tinder on the family iPad that’s linked to my husbands account. What exactly should I be reading into this...? I don’t want to go all guns blazing until I have my facts as I’m pretty sure I’ll be made to feel I’m blowing ‘curiosity’ out of proportion. Thanks sad

TheReferoo Sat 28-Oct-17 15:41:56

Should have said linked to my husbands phone - his messages come up on it

lookatyourwatchnow Sat 28-Oct-17 15:42:08

Make a dummy account and search for him

Farontothemaddingcrowd Sat 28-Oct-17 15:43:08

Yes, set your age and geographical preferences to match him and then swipe till you can swipe no more. If he's there, he'll show up.

Straycatblue Sat 28-Oct-17 19:13:33

You could pay to see if he's on Tinder

www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/0/check-yourpartner-tinder/

Although this might not work if he has set up a secret second fb account with a different name/age in order to use Tinder .
Also some men deactivate their Tinder account when not online to avoid getting found.

However it sounds like you do not trust there could be an innocent explanation and Im struggling to think what an innocent explanation could be for having a verification code for a dating site.

If he pleads curiosity he could easily have watched a youtube video on how tinder works and if he tries to make it feel like you are the unreasonable one for being upset hes on a dating site then I suggest you look up gaslighting
www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/1075333/what-is-gaslighting

TheReferoo Sat 28-Oct-17 19:56:47

Thanks - I’m trying to set up a fake account but for some reason it keeps crashing when I try to add a picture. The internet history for about 25 mins after the text came in has been deleted. Or at least it seems no one was online then.

We’ve been discussing separation following many years of his emotional abuse of me. He stonewalled me for about 2 months this time last year. I thought we’d got past it but then it started again and has been about 2 months now since he’s willingly spoken to me about anything. Not so much as a how’s your day been. I guess deep down I hoped it wasn’t the end (we’ve been together for 20years) and yet after a particularly upsetting conversation last night it seems he went straight on there. I assume for the first time.

I am just gutted but having to accept he’s not the fantasy I have of him in my head. We have 3 young dc who’s attitudes are already being affected by how he is to me. I want to get angry but just feel so numb sad

Straycatblue Sat 28-Oct-17 20:22:17

Then, and I say this gently, don't bother trying to set up a fake tinder account to catch him, there is no point. You already have evidence that he has joined Tinder.
Your husband has already left the marriage, getting more evidence of him on Tinder will not change this. .

Your latest post says your husband has deliberately not spoken to you for 2 months and has been emotionally abusive to you for years and is now looking for other women on a dating site. There isnt a marriage to save.

Feeling numb is normal, there will be a time to grieve but you need to get smart, your husband is moving on without you and emotionally abusing you. Start forming an exit plan to protect yourself and your children.

User462892925 Sat 28-Oct-17 20:33:37

I would agree. Sounds like he has already mentally moved on.

TheReferoo Sat 28-Oct-17 20:42:15

I know you’re right. I thought he’d rent somewhere for a while which would give us some space. Except now he’s reluctant due to cost. Money isn’t really an issue though. I’m lucky enough for that not to be a big concern when (and I guess it is when) we split. But ideally I need to sell the house for us to both get somewhere new. And forcing a house sale seems such a huge step. I do t know if I can do it. And I assume I only can if I start divorce proceedings. I feel trapped because I’m too scared to make that move.

Queenofthedrivensnow Sat 28-Oct-17 20:43:58

I use tinder. You get the code when you sign in.

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