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Dh gets angry when I try to tell him something

(11 Posts)
Inkandbone Sat 28-Oct-17 11:27:54

I'm finding communication with dh so difficult and I don't know if it is him or me or both of us sad

If I try to tell him something, like try to have a little moan about someone at work, he starts shouting, saying he will sort them out (!) Or telling me I should refuse to work with them. Just a complete overreaction to what's needed.

It means I feel I have to lie to him about little things all the time and then if he does find out is even more angry.

I think sometimes he thinks he's being supportive but he isn't sad

Can anybody help? I feel so alone.

flumpybear Sat 28-Oct-17 11:30:55

This doesn’t sound healthy, is he stressed or depressed? Is he always like this?

Inkandbone Sat 28-Oct-17 11:37:39

He is both at the moment, and it's making me stressed and depressed too.

Gemini69 Sat 28-Oct-17 12:43:55

maybe he's not understanding you're merely venting OP... ? sounds like hard work flowers

Inkandbone Sat 28-Oct-17 14:37:08

Very hard work.

Greypaw Sat 28-Oct-17 15:21:37

Is is generally confrontational with people in his life, or is it just when someone is bothering you that he gets like this?

Inkandbone Sat 28-Oct-17 15:37:23

Hmm, he can be confrontational but in quite a measured way

scottishdiem Sat 28-Oct-17 17:34:00

It sounds like whatever he is dealing with, it means he is not able to deal with what you are saying but it may also be how he perceives what you want him to do.

Some people communicate with others only when the stage of dealing with a problem is now the paramount issue so when they hear problems of others they are expecting that the person wants them to solve it. Whereas all you are probably doing is looking for some sympathetic noises whilst you get things off your chest.

If you are the type who communicates things that you want off our chest or look for sympathy for and he isnt then it is a communication incompatibility. DP and I communicate differently but if either of us was already stressed or at the end of our tethers for something else, I am not sure how constructive we would be for each other.

Inkandbone Sat 28-Oct-17 17:39:05

I do know what you're saying scottish but niggles and annoyances are part of everyday life and it feels odd I can't share them with my own husband.

scottishdiem Sat 28-Oct-17 17:54:22

"feels odd I can't share them with my own husband."

Oh I get that but (rightly or wrongly, I dont know) he isnt in a place to add your niggles and annoyances of your day to his. Was he always like this? Are you finding things harder than you used to so need that sympathetic ear more often? Does he share his niggles and annoyances?

You say communication but is it communication as a whole that is now an issue, always has been an issue or is it a recent development as you both have become more stressed? Being married doesnt make either partner actually qualified to deal with the others problems, especially if they arent dealing with their own properly.

Heatherjayne1972 Sat 28-Oct-17 19:46:04

Sounds like you want to vent your feelings while he wants to 'fix ' things
Maybe you need to vent to someone else - a female friend maybe

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