I was out last night with friends. A close male friend that I have a very close and at times emotionally intense friendship with was also out in the same area, but separately.
We have always kept quite strong boundaries to stop things getting odd, largely because some time ago we spent a lot of time together and I thought that we were heading in a certain direction and it turned out (after I raised it) that we weren't. I was upset at the time but all was well that ended well, and we then both started seeing other people, although his relationship ended a month or so back. I'm still with my DP.
But as the night went on I received a number of messages from him asking - was I drunk? Where was I? Which bar? He then said where he was, and asked again where I was.
I didn't reply to the last one as wasn't sure where it was all going. Now it's the next day though I wonder if he didn't want to meet up at all and I just read too much into it? What do you think?
He was really keen to meet up, yes. It might have been for nefarious reasons, to try it on. Or more charitably he just wanted to hang out with his friend, possibly drunk and upset about the recent break up.
Is this friendship suiting you, with you second guessing something this simple?
Lemon good question. I don't know tbh. I really value the friendship but before the great revelation of my feelings last time round I found it all very confusing and was very hurt afterward as felt a little led on. I've put that to bed now, though.
After some time out we've gotten back into a rhythm since which I quite like (the best of the friendship without feeling confused), but things like this confuse me again so I suppose I don't like it. I guess my reason for posting is just to test whether I'm reading too much into things, which I possibly am.
Oh yes, good on you for ignoring him in this situation. By all means enjoy his friendship, but make absolutely clear, by your actions that you are not available for anything else, especially not when he is at a loose end.
I’ll take that advice on board and watch my actions. I’m scared I think that I am the emotional buffer or back up plan for him, and don’t want to get reeled back in. It was so hard the first time after all
If you value your relationship with DP it’s foolish and inappropriate to still have a “very close” friendship with someone you once regarded as a potential bf. Regardless of whether or not he was previously or is now interested in you sexually.
Boundaries are important here, eg not meeting or talking to him frequently, not discussing your relationship with DP, and yes, not meeting up part way through boozy evenings out. So you did right to ignore the texts.
Dp knows but it was always one of those in the past things. It’s only really in the past 3 weeks or so since friend broke up with his partner that things have started to feel confusing- boundaries were clear before. It’s just a few other little things as well - a late night message a couple of weeks back, more frequent contact. I think he’s just relying on me more as a friend but the other night made me feel more uneasy.
Btw no feelings on my part apart from friendship- I saw him act in ways that were not very attractive at all when he was with his gf, especially as it was ending