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I'm in a mess and can't fix things

(4 Posts)
Ohjellybelly Sat 28-Oct-17 07:45:01

Ok, bit of background.... I'm 38 my boyfriend is 22. We've been together for 3.5 years and have a 22 month old d's together. I have 4 children myself but only two that are of an age where they're not independent and self sufficient yet.

BF and I were set yo get married in May. All booked and paid for. He, about 8 weeks ago, got cold feet, wanted to cancel the wedding yet maintain a relationship. I sadly, got very angry with what I was being told and in an emotional outburst, ended the relationship. He moved out for six weeks and our world's were turned upside down.
We missed each other terribly and knew that this wasn't the route to take.

We got back together two weeks ago with a view to fixing all that may have gone wrong. I adjusted, put in additional effort and knew that I had to be in it for the long haul.
During the break and if not a little before, I think my BF was/is displaying signs if depression. He's taking no enjoyment in anything and can't see past the next few hours to plan anything. We have had a tough year with massive life challenges so I'm not surprised!

Anyway, he has decided to end the relationship again. There is love there, I know that but he feels that he's no good for me (depression sign?).
I've pleaded with him to one, seek help and two, to find the strength within himself to push and fight for the family that we have created and the relationship that we have. He won't. He's given up and can't find it within himself to do either. He'd prefer to move out knowing that it'll make him unhappiest then staying here!

I don't understand it, but I seem unable to convince him of the love and strength that outr family holds. I love him so very much and will give him my support and encouragement for anything.

He's going to walk away and there will be no coming back. The 22 month old had no grasp of what happened during the last split and it was displayed in behaviour and general demeanor. I've got to deal with that again. I won't keep doing it to him!

If he leaves, it's over for good but how can I make him stay? He's still here whilst he looks for somewhere else to live yet I cant carry in as if nothing is happening. My emotions are getting the better of me. I've gone from crying and pleading to anger and telling him that he's weak, pathetic and a disappointment for lacking strength to try and fight.

MrsOverTheRoad Sat 28-Oct-17 07:50:39

You can't make him stay. He wants to go.

Am I right in thinking your relationship began when he was only19?

That's your problem there in all likelyhood. He's young...he's not ready to settle down.

Why would he "fight" for a relationship he doesn't want to be in?

Iris65 Sat 28-Oct-17 07:53:44

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am also going through a break up, though nothing like as traumatic and difficult as this, so Ii empathise with how horribel the end of a relationhsip is.

how can I make him stay?
You can't. The only thing you can do is tell him how you feel, make plans for his leaving and hope.

Depression is a nasty, destructive beast. I am so sorry.

Cricrichan Sat 28-Oct-17 09:38:43

You started seeing him when he was just out of his teens. He was probably in love and blind to the real consequences of taking on a big family and its responsibilities at such a young age. I think that may be why he's depressed! I don't get why you would have a baby with someone still so young?? You had enough kids of your own, so should just have enjoyed the relationship and seen if when he grew up he still wanted it.

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