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Dealing with break up

(9 Posts)
Smile23 Fri 27-Oct-17 20:43:18

Hey mumsnetters, so just a follow on from my previous post (https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3015160-Moving-on) for those who can be bothered to read it.

It's been 2 months and in a better place. The physical pain post break up is better, I don't wake up every morning feeling anxious low and tearful and have even started looking forward to things.
But as much as time heals and gives perspective, memories fade and you distract yourself enough to make you forget the loss; every so often my mind wonders back to when we were together and all the romantic fun times , how for the first time I felt content and complete and I get sad all over again. Or reality hits and I realise I'll never see him again. Or I wonder if he's with another girl who makes him happy and he probably never even thinks about me. I guess the quote ' you can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel'.

I'm also turning 32 in 3 months, all my friends are in relationships, married or have kids. Feel a bit left behind and some days I think maybe I'll never have any of that. Its really hard at social events when your always the single one. When everyone has someone to go back home with and your on your own. I've had relationships and lots of dating but find it hard to meet someone with a spark, feel happy about and have a connection with him. So when I met him and everything just clicked I think I just got carried away with allowing feelings to form.

It's funny because as a GP I spend a lot of time hearing about my patients problems/relationship issues and always seem to have practical advise, ways to make think positively but when it comes to myself I'm a little hopeless 😶.

Still I have a lot to be thankful for and keep praying I'll meet someone special .

Apologies for the doom and gloom on a Friday night 🙃

SallyLouise75 Fri 27-Oct-17 20:58:45

Hi smile23, I’m 4 months into him leaving me for someone else and I understand what you’re saying. I’m sorry for your situation and I also don’t know how to get out of this rutt. Everyone i speak to says “you’re better off without him and things will get better” but that doesn’t seem to help. I think talking to people helps but as you’ve said you and I don’t have anyone to go home with or to and it’s hard to get you’re head around how you can move forward. I hope for both our sakes things do get better. Sorry I’m not much help but just wanted you to know you’re not alone. Sending hugs x

userxx Fri 27-Oct-17 22:14:27

You have loads of time to meet someone, you are still young!!! Read your original post and that guy sounds like a complete dick, a bullet well dodged. Stay positive, there is someone out there for you.

meowimacat Fri 27-Oct-17 22:36:22

Wow read your other post and feel for what you went through. Can't believe that guy treated you that way but sooooo glad to hear you're in a better place now!! I'm trying to get over someone but it wasn't as serious as what you went through.

I'm also 32 and whilst I have DC, I'm single again. It's hard, it's really hard. Especially as I'm not a fan of online dating, i want to meet people in real life not via the internet where they're probably talking to a multitude of other women.

But I think one lesson you must take away from this experience is to take things slow even if the guy wants to be with you 24/7. I think over giving yourself can cause problems long term. I know I do the same, and this guy also did too by the sounds of things. I guess you'll learn from him and it will make you more cautious but I hope you'll still keep your heart open because someone even more amazing will come along one day smile xx

Happy2018 Sun 29-Oct-17 01:18:15

Hi Smile23. Sorry - posting this quite late. I have just read your previous post and felt that I wanted to write this.
First, a question - How long did you know this guy?
I was in a very similar situation - met a fantastic man and we had a great connection. He was lovely, honest, genuine, kind, intelligent, funny. He ticked all the boxes for me. To cut a long story short, he treated me so well and was making plans for the future. He was telling me that he won the lottery because he had met me etc I fell hard for him because he was showering me with love. I really thought he was the one. Then one day we spoke on the phone in the morning and he sounded absolutely fine. A couple of hours later he sent me a text saying I was not for him long term and that he was ending the relationship. It came out of the blue - I was both shocked and devastated!!! There were absolutely no signs that it was going to end like this! All this lovey dovey stuff and plans for the future... I felt like I was pushed off the cliff. So I understand exactly how you feel - it’s so heart-breaking! It’s painful. It’s unbelievable and it does make you look needy!

I really don’t know how people can do that?!
But I suppose in a way it’s better that it happened sooner rather than later.

You are only 32 and still very young. Nothing bad/sad lasts forever. You sound like a lovely, genuine person and you just need to believe that you will find your happiness one day and you will meet someone who WILL appreciate and love you for who you are and be sure that he wants a future with you Nobody is irreplaceable and you will meet somebody better than him. I know that memories of romantic happy times and everything that was said make you feel incredibly sad but he couldn’t have been that wonderful if he did that to you.
Sending hugs. Happy times ahead. Just believe that x

Smile23 Sun 29-Oct-17 23:28:42

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. It really does help hearing your advise/take on the situation.
SallyLouise75- can identify totally with being 'stuck in a rutt'! Im sorry you had to go through this, and really hope one day we can both look back and be thankful for things not working out with these men. Really believe the universe always works to protect you, so if he left it's because there is someone better that is meant for you.
Userxx- I'm sure you are absolutely right, bullet well dodged!
Meowimacat- you know one thing I will defo take home from this is never to give too much of myself to someone too quickly, be cautious and not get swept away into some fairytale. 'Don't hope too much, don't love too much, don't trust too much; because that too much can hurt so much' .
Happy2018- your experience sounds very similar to mine! Wonder if they are the same guy lol. I think you have summed it up though, if cannot be as amazing as he seemed/ led me to believe if he could behave the way he did. No man with integrity and morals would do that. I know there's a lot worse men can do, but still. And in answer to your first question I almost feel embarrassed to answer as I had only known him for 3 months . Seems silly and pathetic that all of these feelings and experience occurred In a short space. All the more reason for me to now looking at it objectively to think could it have been all that guewine from his part. My mistake for not seeing that And getting carried away.

Today has been a more positive day, met with old friends, realised what a great life I have in the uk ( he's from aus and wanted me to move there). I hope for all of us on this thread that good things will soon come into our paths that will make the past seem like a distant irrelevant hazy memory. I'm sure one day we will all look back at these relationships and thank God they didn't work out.

Happy2018 Mon 30-Oct-17 19:19:25

I read your post again - it does sound like the same guy lol! We saw each other for two months only and some people said to me that it was a very short period of time to fall in love etc Obviously he was showing “the demo version” of himself - lovely and caring. I think I fell in love with that version of him and the future that he was projecting. We had an amazing time together and he ended it all with a text message - that’s all I deserved apparently! Cold, blunt text message with no emotions. I think it doesn’t matter how you’ve known them for - when you connect with somebody, you just connect and you feel that you’ve known them for ages.
It’s hard but I do hope that we will get over this and be fine. I do wish you all the best xx

MollyWantsACracker Mon 30-Oct-17 19:30:46

I’m 3 months post-breakup and tbh, its been nothing but shit.
I feel very, very low. It was also a very sudden end to what had been a wonderful year-long relationship but for a couple of reasons I guess he felt he couldn’t pursue it.
I feel so sad.
The absolute rawness of it has passed, but I still feel like I’ve been kicked and emotionally beaten up.

My plan for this month is to go alcohol free, and to focus on some serious self-care along with that.
I’m dreading it, but then, I’m dreading everything.
There’s little joy/happiness in my life right now and that’s frightening me a bit. The thought of going back on anti-ds makes me angry but maybe that’s what I will have to do

I have 2 kids who need me, so I have to pull myself together.
I have a good if demanding job.
And I have a husband I want to offload.

Smile23 Mon 30-Oct-17 20:37:58

Happy2018- that's awful for you that it was done over txt. Perhaps he was emotionally unstable or had underlying problems that he concealed with all the love and care he showered. Your quite right, when you connect with someone time is irrelevant. so it can happen again, this time with a more solid and consistent man. Sometimes we have to be thankful for these roadblocks in life as they protect you from paths not meant for you. I wish you all the best too. x

Mollywantsacracker- I'm sorry you have to go through this too. I know no matter what anyone says or advises it doesn't take the pain away from heartbreak. Sometimes you just have to cry and just let it out in whatever way is comfortable for you. But always remember in the end everything does heal, the mind heals, wounds heal and your happiness will come back. It's great that you have two lovely children. Let them be your focus, and motivation. Try to do nice things for yourself too that will give you simple pleasures. If your concerned about going back on medication, speak to your GP as there are also other options to help you. smile

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