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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MNHQ have commented on this thread

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MNHQ have commented on this thread

Relationships

what should i do? DH not home, kids, work

167 replies

onematch · 27/10/2017 02:36

DH went to a big fancy work's dinner/dance last night. It was "officially" work with clients but was also a piss up. His specific company had 8 people going from his site.

Haven't heard from him since 2pm yest, fine. No concern there.

BUT it's now 2.30am and he's still not home and i need to leave for work at 6am! He's supposed to be looking after our kids today and they'll get up about 7am!

I haven't tried to call him because i figure he's gonna be smashed anyway.

I'm already on thin ice with my attendance due to being off earlier in the year for depression and anxiety.

What should i do??

OP posts:

Report

ohfourfoxache · 27/10/2017 02:37

I think you need to try calling him

Does he have form?

onematch · 27/10/2017 02:39

On top of that i dont actually know where he is?? Dinner dance would've finished about midnight i would think.

I'm sad to say yes he has form. Twice before I've had to call in sick for similar reasons over the past 3 years maybe.

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onematch · 27/10/2017 02:45

Have just phoned him. He says he's still there. Does sound like it to be honest in the background. He said he's just phoned a taxi . Venue is 40 minutes away. He's smashed.

OP posts:

IfICouldPaint · 27/10/2017 02:46

Call him first. Then work on a backup plan. Do you have family who can look after the kids at 6am? Mum, sister, best mate?

DiscoDeviant · 27/10/2017 02:46

How old are your children? My ex used to do this. It was exhausting

onematch · 27/10/2017 02:48

Kids are 20 months and 4 years old.

No back up plan at all. Can't get anyone else to come at 6am on a Friday morning.

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onematch · 27/10/2017 02:49

I got the whole "Baby! What you doing still up?? Love you beautiful"

OP posts:

onematch · 27/10/2017 02:52

Had a thought. I could phone my work first thing and slide my shift possibly to start later. Would need to leave no later than 10am though. And I'll be fucking knackered

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IfICouldPaint · 27/10/2017 02:53

You can't keep calling in sick for him. Go to work and let him feel the consequences this time. Hungover parenting will hopefully hurt him enough to remember no to do it again. So the kids will have a TV day, but they will be ok as long as you let the 4yo know not to let Daddy fall asleep.

onematch · 27/10/2017 02:55

Is it safe to leave them with him though??

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onematch · 27/10/2017 02:56

My alarm goes off in 2 hours. Twat.

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DiscoDeviant · 27/10/2017 02:57

That's young then to leave them in his care. Sorry but he's a selfish nobhead. You'll be worried sick all day and exhausted. I hope you read him the riot act. Does he do this a lot?

onematch · 27/10/2017 02:57

I swear to God if he tries to get into our bed whenever he rolls home I may lamp him

OP posts:

IfICouldPaint · 27/10/2017 02:58

You know him best - is he a bit of a dick with parenting like he is with you?

DiscoDeviant · 27/10/2017 03:02

The final straw that broke my marriage (apart from the cheating) was when my ex went out for lunch the day before Mother's Day. He promised to help the boys cook me breakfast in bed then wasn't home sat 5am. I text him when I woke up and realised he wasn't there and said go in spare room. I woke up to the boys crying because they couldn't wake him up and thought he was dead

onematch · 27/10/2017 03:04

No. His parenting is good. No doubt I'll get the whole you know how stressed I've been blah blah blah. Normally I hit the roof when he does this but I'm actually calm this time!

I could offer to go into work tomorrow instead BUT that was our family day as he's never off a Saturday. We had lots of plans.

Dunno whether to just make him suffer it today but a bit concerned leaving the kids with him.

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onematch · 27/10/2017 03:05

@DiscoDeviant that's horrible

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DiscoDeviant · 27/10/2017 03:15

Oh yes. That was just the tip of the iceberg. It has a happy ending though. At the age of 43 I had a very unexpected thunderbolt and fell in love at first sight. I didn't cheat, but I ended my marriage and a year later am still madly in love and happier than I ever thought possible 😀

Rescuepuppydaft2 · 27/10/2017 03:19

I would call in sick 😡. Your babies are far too young to be left with a very drunk Daddy. I would never forgive myself if anything happened.
Even at 10am he won't be fit!!

I'm sorry op, its embarrassing and upsetting. Your job and wages are important and your dh needs to respect that and not drink the evening before you are on shift. His complete lack of respect and disregard for you is impacting on your employers opinion of you too! Wait until his hangover kicks in then give him earache about his horrendous behaviour!!!

CaoNiMwahaha · 27/10/2017 07:35

His parenting is good.

It's not, though.

pp2017 · 27/10/2017 07:56

I could offer to go into work tomorrow instead BUT that was our family day as he's never off a Saturday. We had lots of plans.

I would stay home today with the kids and go to work tomorrow, then give him the shittiest guilt trip for eternity about “that time family day was ruined because of YOU!!” 😊

onematch · 27/10/2017 09:16

I'm going into work later. Not happy.

He got in at 4am. He's unconcious om the couch currently and i got up to my oldest saying daddy please wake up

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AdalindSchade · 27/10/2017 09:19

You can't leave such young children with a man who is still dead drunk.
This is unacceptable OP. You really shouldn't have to live with it.

onematch · 27/10/2017 09:25

@pp2017 I would but my oldest was really looking forward to it though i could see it far enough right now.

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CherieBabySpliffUp · 27/10/2017 09:28

I would work tomorrow instead.
He's going to be pissed still when you have to leave for work

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