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Question for woman who do not like porn in their relationships.

(105 Posts)
quicknamechange789 Fri 27-Oct-17 00:18:12

I hate porn and do not want it in my relationship, my husband apparently agrees, that mainstream porn, is not healthy in our relationship. However he thinks that looking at Reddit’s gonewild forum every day or so is fine. GW is women 18+ taking pictures of themselves nude, boobs, fanjo’s, arseholes etc. I think this is almost worse then just watching porn and feel upset that he does it so often.
Just asking opinions please?
( This is really just a question for women who don’t agree with porn in their relationship, it’s not a debate for the pro porners please.)
It’s my prerogative to feel the way I do.

Somerville Fri 27-Oct-17 00:23:35

Why would it not count as porn? Does he know the definition of pornography?

frillysocks88 Fri 27-Oct-17 00:23:43

I think that’s just the same as porn. Ps I know you only wanted answers from people who disagree with porn ( I don’t I love porn) but I still think what your husband is looking at is porn.

I suppose you both have to draw a line of what you both agree is acceptable or not.

beepboopbeep Fri 27-Oct-17 00:35:52

I've not heard of this but I think I'd like it even less - but not sure why really!

Josuk Fri 27-Oct-17 00:37:26

OP - are you just venting?
Because asking a question (any question) and stating that anyone who has a different view to you shouldn’t comment - isn’t really asking a question.
What are you trying to achieve?

You H clearly doesn’t share your views. And for now he is still being honest and open about his actual views and preferences.

It is your prerogative to feel like you do. Your husband is also a human - and you don’t seem to award him the same rights to have his own feelings, preferences, or, in fact, privacy.
(Have you asked him what he thinks of when he is wanking?
Sounds ridiculous? Yes, because it is. Because we all need privacy and your way of control has its limits)

The fact that this is about porn is, frankly, almost irrelevant. This could be about anything, any other issue you disagree on.
Unless your H is ready to defer to you aways knowing the ‘right’ way for everything - this is not your last post. Or last disagreement.

quicknamechange789 Fri 27-Oct-17 01:09:26

Josuk - My point is my husband is being a hypocrite and gw is porn. He has banned us from watching porn in our relationship and I agreed, so no unrealistic thought policing here that isn’t mutual, so your barking up the wrong tree.

Josuk Fri 27-Oct-17 01:59:15

OP - I doubt it.
Your post said you don’t think porn is healthy. You don’t want it in Your relationship. And H agreed.
(Now it’s him banning it?)

But as I said - the actual issue is not porn. It’s about how disagreements get resolved in your particular relationship.

Arguing on definitions, and technicalities - what’s included or not in the ‘ban’ - is hardy a healthy way of going about it.

Since you only asked for opinions of people who agree with you - now what - you’ll be ever so justified to go back to him an accuse him of hypocrisy? And that would lead where?

I get it - him looking at naked picture of other women makes you feel bad. Rather than coming down at him with righteous anger - (supported by other MN’ers) - another way of approaching that issues - his and yours - is to talk about it openly. To inderstand what drives him to do it. And what drives your insecurity.

quicknamechange789 Fri 27-Oct-17 02:15:17

Josuk- jog on.

Josuk Fri 27-Oct-17 02:18:56

Sure - OP - since this is what you want to here.

You are right. All women always are.
He is wrong. As all men always are.
Trying to understand them or communicate with them is pointless and beyond us, women.

Because - see above.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow Fri 27-Oct-17 03:30:09

Ignoring Jesuk, who kindly told you what you what you really mean (!)
You'd agreed on something, he did it (by arguing about, what, its provenance?), He is being hypocritical. It's porn, I'd be pissed off.

Wotapalaver Fri 27-Oct-17 03:35:56

It’s in exceptionally bad taste I feel and the point is if you hate it, then he should just respect that and if he insists on doing it, do so when you are not around , since when has it become the’norm, that all women have to be ‘cool’ about such stuff?? I am no prude but I fail to see what’s enticing or sexy about this. Sounds pretty yuk

mindutopia Fri 27-Oct-17 04:38:24

I’ll just say up front that I don’t have an issue with porn in general (and watch it myself). But what you’re describing is to me porn. My instinct is your husband probably does like and watch other kinds of porn, but does it discreetly, and is just paying lip service to this whole porn is bad, we aren’t going to use it thing, probably to avoid conflict or to keep you off his trail so you’ll leave him in peace about it.

Thephoneywar Fri 27-Oct-17 07:56:26

It is porn. However one of the main arguments against porn is the ethics of it and not knowing whether the women in porn are consenting.
At least with GW you know that the women are consenting and choosing to share their own photos. Users get verified and are not being coerced into it.

I agree with @Josuk

HerOtherHalf Fri 27-Oct-17 08:03:46

How do you know all these women actually took and posted the photos themselves rather than the pics being posted without their knowledge? I'm sure some of them are legit but I'd bet a hell of are not. It's a sad fact that too many women fall foul of boyfriends sharing what were only ever meant to be personal photos without the girl's knowledge or permission.

ems137 Fri 27-Oct-17 08:23:36

I don’t care too much about porn but that’s probably because neither myself or DH have time to watch it so it’s never been an issue for us.

What your OH is viewing IS porn

FritzDonovan Fri 27-Oct-17 08:44:38

Of course gw is porn. And I agree that its more distasteful than (mainstream) 'couple dtd' porn, which could arguably be enjoyed by both parties, because its sole purpose is to arouse one partner (ie your dh) and the women are basically showcasing their bits in a highly provocative pov type way. And encouraging comments and upvotes. Encouraging the viewer to imagine interaction with them. I don't know how your dh can say it isn't porn - I'm assuming he looks in order to get sexually aroused?

I dont think I've expressed that very well, but yeah, its porn. Very focused on one individual.

missevelina Fri 27-Oct-17 08:54:40

I agree 100% with @Josuk and I also think your replies were very rude.

If it was in fact your husband that banned porn in your relationship, it looks like he only did that because he thought that's what you wanted to hear. Your husband does not hate porn if he is looking at explicit images on a daily basis.

The real issue here isn't the porn though, it's that you had an agreement and only one of you is sticking too.

Also, only asking for replies from other porn haters shows that you're not actually looking for real advice, just the kind that justifies your point of view.

I love porn and watch it regularly, both alone and with my partner, so feel free to ignore everything I just said 😁

Bertsfriend Fri 27-Oct-17 08:56:21

Yes, it's porn. Is he a bit hard of thinking?

quicknamechange789 Fri 27-Oct-17 09:00:58

Probably didn’t word what I was saying properly in op. I do think GW is definitely a form of porn, so he’s being hypocritical there. He genuinely dosnt like me watching porn, I’m not that interested tbh, but whenever I have brought it up, he gets angry and says porn has no place in our marriage. This is a separate issue from what I was asking and am ok sorting out between us, just for background info really.
What I was asking was to women who are not pro porn (and this is down to everybody’s individual preference and your ideals for your own marriage) Do you think you would find the idea of GW (real live girls showing their bits) even worse then normal porn or aibu?
Fritz- I understand what you are saying perfectly and agree.

MaisyPops Fri 27-Oct-17 09:01:11

It is porn.
It may be amateur porn, but it is still porn.

I wonder (don't shoot me. Just thinming out loud) if people may view GW differently to commercial porn because there is a lot iasues with commercial porn (e.g. some women are trafficked or coerced etc), whereas GW is just people uploading images of themselves?

Not saying I agree either way, but maybe that's a distinction he made.
Or he just said what he thought you wnated to hear.

showergel1 Fri 27-Oct-17 09:01:52

GW is verified which means that you have to take a photo of your body with your username and the current date. That means pictures are posted with consent (as much as possible, I can imagine some are posted but then removed).

So it depends why you have banned porn as a couple. If you are anti-porn because you don't want to participate in the potential exploitation of women then GW doesn't come into that.
If you are anti-porn because you class looking at others people's naked bodies as cheating then it does.

quicknamechange789 Fri 27-Oct-17 09:02:43

Good for you missevelina, 👍

quicknamechange789 Fri 27-Oct-17 09:04:12

I agree Maisypops, I think that’s exactly what he thought.

Cricrichan Fri 27-Oct-17 09:07:19

It depends why you're against porn. I'd find this kind of porn fine because the subjects are willing and must get something out of it.

However, if he's banned porn use in your house then he shouldn't be looking at that. I'd be fuming.

museumum Fri 27-Oct-17 09:08:01

I hate porn because I hate the disgustingly damaging and exploitative porn industry.
I dislike these “real people photos” but I really don’t hate them nearly as much as the professional porn industry. In fact most photos are less bad imo than film of people being physically hurt and pretending to enjoy it.

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