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Boyfriend staying over but paying zero

(117 Posts)
ivedoneitnow Thu 26-Oct-17 23:13:57

Been dating for 18 months. He adores me and I love him too. He's amazing to me and my two kids. I work full time. I own my own house and he lives with parents. I'm independent and love living in my own home. Bills come to £1200 a month. He isn't in regular work and makes and sells things for money. His income is very variable. He's stayed over every night for the last 9 weeks and I love having him here but he pays zero towards my bills / helps me out financially. We take turns paying when eating out. Came home tonight to him being here, he's had a shower and drinking while I'm not even in from work. I'm struggling financially and overdrawn, waiting for payday. I feel resentful that he's staying here for free and living the dream. What should I do?

StealthPolarBear Thu 26-Oct-17 23:16:21

Say "I'm skint. If you like living here please (get a proper job and) start paying your way"
Section in brackets optional

MyBrilliantDisguise Thu 26-Oct-17 23:18:36

You're not doing him any favours whatsoever, and certainly not doing yourself any favours.

Sit him down and say, "Do you realise that it costs me more money when you're here? You know I'm broke and you don't contribute. I can't do it any more. You need to stay in your own home and eat there. If you stay over, you have to contribute to my bills. It's not fair otherwise."

If he objects, remind him how many times he's stayed over the last nine weeks.

GreenTulips Thu 26-Oct-17 23:19:39

Talk to him about house hold bills

Assume yours have increased whilst he's been living there? Food heating hot water electricity (even TV and light while you're at work) does he wash his clothes and iron them at yours?

Tell home the bills come to X and you'd like £150 a week to cover his share - cheaper than renting!

Hermonie2016 Thu 26-Oct-17 23:20:54

How old is he?

I am not sure how you can find this attractive, he's scrounging off you when he knows you don't have much money.

If he's over 30 there is very little chance he will change.

Speak to him about it but I doubt change will be permanent.

Your resentment is valid, can you imagine treating someone you care about like this?

serialcheat Thu 26-Oct-17 23:22:44


wobblywonderwoman Thu 26-Oct-17 23:25:58

Don't allow this .. No way.

Tell him it gas been nice having him stay but enough is enough. LPP

gamerchick Thu 26-Oct-17 23:29:24

He’s a wannabe cocklodger. Tell him you can’t afford to have him there all the time and he has to go home.

gamerchick Thu 26-Oct-17 23:30:56

My ex is like this, finds single mums to attach himself to being the parasite he is. He’s 44 and will never change.

Goosegrass Thu 26-Oct-17 23:31:08

Has he always lived with his parents? He may have no idea what things cost or that using electricity and water and loo paper and milk etc makes a difference. If that’s the case I’d worry,

butterfly56 Thu 26-Oct-17 23:33:24

He's a sponger and he knows it!
You will always be taking care of this manchild!
He sees it as your role to provide for him unfortunately.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 26-Oct-17 23:33:54

He hasn't offered? What a total cock. Show's what he thinks of you, i.e. he doesn't, he only thinks of himself.

You realise he thinks he has moved in, right? Nine weeks of sleeping over every night, letting yourself in at will when the other person isn't there, having a shower and settling yourself in with a drink are the actions of a person who lives there. He has moved in by stealth for free.


CamperVamp Thu 26-Oct-17 23:34:27

I wouldn’t ask him for bills money, but I would say “when you are here for a full week, it would help if we split the food shopping “.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 26-Oct-17 23:34:30

shows what he thinks of you. Rogue apostrophe.

Fishface77 Thu 26-Oct-17 23:34:44

He's not a mind reader you need to tell him.
Say it's fab you being here so much. But you need to start paying me £x as my bills have gone up by that much.
Then take the lead from him.
If he's embarrassed and apologises fair enough.
If he tries to dodge out of paying then he's a cocklodger and you need to get rid.

OlennasWimple Thu 26-Oct-17 23:35:15

Well, is he moving in or not?

usernameinfinito Thu 26-Oct-17 23:35:17

Get a boyfriend who has a job and earns at least as much as you do. That man sounds more like a child than a boyfriend.

serialcheat Thu 26-Oct-17 23:36:58

Good shag, nice house, comfy home, all mod cons, food on the table, bills paid.......


Can I stay, too !?

Wolfiefan Thu 26-Oct-17 23:37:32

Send him home without the key.
Or he moves in and pays up.

serialcheat Thu 26-Oct-17 23:38:32

To be honest, more blame for this situation should be laid at your door, rather than his......

Hold on, he hasn't got a door 😳

AdaColeman Thu 26-Oct-17 23:41:31

He is taking advantage of you, no doubt about that.
Work out how much he has cost you for food/drinks/percentage of all your bills, tell him he owes you that money and give him a date for payment, say the end of this month.
Don't budge on this, stand your ground, or soon you will be feeding his mates too.
Get a planned budget worked out for what he will be paying you each week.

mapie Thu 26-Oct-17 23:45:12

But he's living with you, surely, not his parents.

Cocklodger by stealth.

bigfatbumfreak Thu 26-Oct-17 23:45:19

Hes amazing alright....he’s got life sorted. He’s milking you dry.

Cocklodger klaxon.

ohfourfoxache Thu 26-Oct-17 23:45:54

In fairness, if he's always lived with his parents then he may not have a clue about these things.....

mapie Thu 26-Oct-17 23:46:52

Does he pay rent to his parents?

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