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Should kids be involved?

(9 Posts)
ChickenMom Thu 26-Oct-17 23:01:14

I'm wondering what mumsnets opinion is on involving young children in adult arguments. Our DS is 7. Today DH and I disagreed over our plans for the day. We were visiting a different city and I wanted to take the children to a museum or something. He didn't and we ended up arguing. He accused me of getting angry (which I wasn't, just frustrated) and he said to our DS "mummy's being the weird one isn't she" to which he replied yes. My argument is that regardless of anything else, kids should not be brought into an adults disagreement- he disagrees and says because he was sitting there listening (he was glued to my phone at the time) that it's fine to ask his opinion. All I can see is that he is using his fatherly influence to turn him against me! At 7 he shouldn't be asked to take sides! Surely? Wondering what the general opinion is here? Am I being naive? He seems to be increasingly involving our DS in disagreements and "putting him on the spot" any opinions gratefully received. Thank you

Aquamarine1029 Fri 27-Oct-17 01:21:04

Your husband is being an immature shithead. He isn't bringing your child into the argument, he is encouraging your child to deride you by calling you names. It is totally unacceptable.

Hermonie2016 Fri 27-Oct-17 03:31:40

He is using your son to gang up on you.If he can't make this point himself he shouldn't bring your son into it as its unfair.

What does he expect your son to say "no, not weird, mum is expressing herself reasonably"

Of course it will be Yes, your son will want the argument to stop so will just agree.

It's damaging for children to be involved in adult emotions between parents.

If he continues perhaps just be very clear that's it's unacceptable.

Caprinihahahaha Fri 27-Oct-17 03:33:35

He's being childish and a bit of a dick

MrsBertBibby Fri 27-Oct-17 09:15:14

Absolute dick move.

DanielCraigsUnderpants Fri 27-Oct-17 09:39:43

He's undermining you and using power play with a 7 year old, and its not in any way ok.

Asking a child's opinion - What would you like to do today?
Asking a leading question to a child to make the other parent look lesser - mummy's being weird isnt she?

He was wrong. End of

Teabay Fri 27-Oct-17 09:52:55

This used to happen to me. At the time I couldn't see that it was the beginning of the emotional abuse (EA) to put / keep me in my place.
I never name call, so the use of it really used to upset me. It moved on to comments like, "Well mummy won't be home in time for that, you know how she loves work" or "Don't bother asking mummy, you know she's always right about everything"....
So I divorced him - and never looked back. Comments like that show people to be a twunt, and they're best avoided.
It's taken over a year for me to 'rebrand' myself to my own DC, but we're getting there. I was wallpapering the other day and one DD said, "Wow, mum, that's brilliant, I didn't know you could do that. I mean, if you were still friends with Dad you could've asked him..." but she didn't get to finish her sentence as I went ROAR!! After explaining that her dad was too idle judgemental perfectionist busy with his hobbies to ever finish any task to the end, she got it.
I now live with two DC who think that all of us can do anything, and I love it.
Once you start to look for more signs of his dismissal towards you, OP, you'll see them.
Stand firm.

tigercub50 Fri 27-Oct-17 10:37:00

This strikes a chord with me too - DH used to engineer situations so that I would appear to be the bad guy & it was setting a really bad example to DD. He doesn’t do it anymore & we are a united front. Have you told your DH how it makes you feel when he involves your DS in disagreements?

Northernparent68 Fri 27-Oct-17 11:50:39

You were both arguing in front of your son, neither of you emerge with any credit. Why did n’t you ask your son what he wanted to do

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