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Moving on from hurtful comments by ex

(9 Posts)
Anxiousmess1 Thu 26-Oct-17 15:39:20

Hi all,

Not sure why I'm writing this but just needed somewhere to vent.
My ex left me almost 2 years ago after being together 14 years. We have 2 kids together who he's choosen to have no contact with. I'm in a new relationship with a man who is lovely, patient and very understanding of what I've been through.

Saying that I'm still struggling with feeling like a crap person mainly due to the way I was treated by my ex, when he left (left me for a younger women!), he said a lot of mean and hurtful things, told me he resented me, looking at me made him feel sick and even threatened to hit me if I didn't let him leave, all of which he said infront of my daughter (she has been seeing a counsellor to deal with this). Looking back our relationship hadn't been good for a while and I'm sure he cheated multiple times and he used to put me down a lot, towards the end he'd come in from work and ignore me but expect me to have dinner ready and to deal with the kids, I know I'm better off without him but I wish he hadn't left me feeling like an insecure mess.

Everyday I wake up feeling like a crap person and that I don't deserve any happiness in my life.

Will these feelings ever go away?

redexpat Thu 26-Oct-17 15:47:53

I think you could do with some counselling, have you researched the freedom program? Lots of mners rave about it.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 26-Oct-17 16:47:07

she has been seeing a counsellor to deal with this
Have you been seeing a counsellor to deal with this???
Please look into it.
You Ex is nasty piece of work and you need some help to get your self-esteem back.
Therapy can help with that.
Do you have RL support around you at all?
Friends or family?
It might have been a while but any good friend will want to help you with all of this.

Anxiousmess1 Thu 26-Oct-17 18:10:51

No I haven't seen anyone to talk about it all, I feel like almost 2 years on I should be over it. Sadly he's dragging out the divorce so I feel like it's constantly lingering over me.

I realise I'm really lucky in that I have a very supportive family and a small group of friends but they all say I'm so strong to cope with everything, so I just put a brave face on and carry on. It's been an awful 2 years tbh, my daughter has been diagnosed with a life long medical condition and my son has sen, don't want to go into too much detail in fear of anyone finding this.

Exes whole family have been really spiteful and I was blamed for his cheating and told I should of just turned a blind eye to it, it's hard having all these people blame me and bring me down whilst trying to be the best parent I can be to my children 😔

I think your both right in that I should seek some counselling, it's something I will look into.

Thank you for responding xx

Be3Al2Si6O18 Thu 26-Oct-17 18:33:06

Yes, this thread is permeated with the need for counselling.

Focus on you. And focus on your kids.

You never wanted a sperm donor. Sadly that is all you got from him.

Rejoice in the knowledge you outwitted him.

Because by accident rather than design you did.

Annoyed5678 Thu 26-Oct-17 19:27:52

Write a list of all your good qualities and place this besides your bed, every morning you wake up read it, and say outloud things like your beautiful, so glad I am not with him he said those things because he was insecure of himself, I can achieve anything and so on....then every low point tell yourself it all over again

user1470296287 Thu 26-Oct-17 19:42:25

Hi Op,

Im nearly 2 years from a shock breakup with my exh and i still remember everyday with hurt the horrible things he said to me and it made me feel absolutely worthless, he made me feel racked with guilt and i thought i had been a terrible wife for making his life a misery.

I had counselling and she helped me to understand that it was just deflection on his part to make him feel less guilt for the awful thing he had done to me and his family. He was awful we had been together for 18 years and never before had he treated me with such cold callous spite it was truly shocking.

Fast forward to present day and I have rebuilt and moved on but not in a relationship with anyone and i now realise that the problem is with him and not with me and i have no guilt to carry around i can go to sleep at night with peace of mind (priceless).

Im sure with time it will get easier and the feeling will become less painful i wish you lots of happiness in your future and don't think he won't pay the price one day he will !! he has to live with the fact he had a family that no longer want anything to do with him.

Take care

lurkingwithlove Thu 26-Oct-17 19:48:45

His family blamed you for his cheating! They're poisonous OP, no wonder it affected you.
But..let the injustice stop with them. Don't punish yourself feeling you should be over it by now. Noooo, that level of nastiness takes a long time to heal from especially when you don't have counselling.

Time to be kind to yourself and look at what you need not what he did/is. These people do so much emotional damage you can't expect to get over it easily.

Anxiousmess1 Thu 26-Oct-17 20:31:04

Thank you all for responding.

His family have been awful and there's been many a Facebook message sent to me or even my mum blaming me for it all, whilst I know I wasn't perfect in my marriage, I didn't cheat and I stuck around for my kids while he moved and changed his mobile so we have no way of getting in contact! Since blocked them all, don't need that negativity in my life!

It's hard as I'm left to pick the pieces up with regards to the kids, he told my son he was one of the reasons he left (my son is autistic and can be very hard work), now all my ds talks about is how daddy broke his heart.

I know I'm better off without him but today has been a down day and all I can think is that all the nasty comments he made to me are true and that I am an awful person.

Definitely time to look into some form of counselling. Xx

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