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Starting divorce proceedings

(10 Posts)
Lilfroggi1 Thu 26-Oct-17 00:15:46

Hi me and my husband have been separated for 2 years we have a 10 yr old daughter, who hasnt wanted to stay with him she did for 6 months every other weekend but stopped when the new girlfriend daughter and her gran moved.. I have tried to keep the peace not go for a divorce as my daughter has been my number one priority and have tried to keep the piece. Anyway a few weeks ago on my weekend he had messaged my daughter and she hadn’t replied back that evening he rang to shout at me that she hadn’t messaged back as if it was my fault and was angry so mentioned about divorce I said that I had thought about it. So we agreed we would look into it, but I decided to go to a solicitor and after a consultation sent a letter. About a divorce and mentioning Maintenance we don’t have any property or anything, but he has totally gone mad saying that I have ruined what friendship we had by going behind his back and he has threatened to go for help from fathers for justice I have never stopped him seeing her she just hasn’t wanted to stay with him she enjoys going for the day. I sort of realised that while we were married I have been controlled without realising it and I still am as I’m so worried about my daughter in all of this and feel the two years I have not said anything and tried to accommodate it all have been a waste, has anyone been in a similar situation or have just been stupid?

pog100 Thu 26-Oct-17 00:35:30

I have no experience but it seems to me that he is controlling and is objecting because he sees himself losing control as you engage the services of a professional. I would just go ahead and file for divorce, formalising contact and maintenance as you go. Father's for justice is irrelevant, you haven't denied him contact, not that they have any power, the courts have that.

Lilfroggi1 Thu 26-Oct-17 01:11:58

Thanks pog100 just feeling really emotional think I need to find some support to help me deal with how he has been controlling me and that I have still been letting him. I’m sorry for the long post before

Lilfroggi1 Thu 26-Oct-17 01:13:03

I have help in place for my daughter they are going to see her in school

pog100 Thu 26-Oct-17 01:15:29

It's not a long post and you need help. It is very late in the UK now, if you add to your thread in about 8 hours time, I think you will get a lot of helpful replies from people with experience. I am sure you will be able to separate and divorce with the right help. Good luck!

MrsBertBibby Thu 26-Oct-17 09:05:08

Is he not paying child support? Why not?

Lilfroggi1 Thu 26-Oct-17 09:37:35

He has been but the amount has started to change we agreed a set amount and that he would pay half of her karate and if she needed anything we would go halves but last month he couldn’t pay for half the karate and he didn’t pay for half of her school shoes or uniform. Also at the beginning of the holidays she went to a theatre stars camp for a week and didn’t give anything towards it. She has singing lessons which he doesn’t contribute too not that I have asked. She does gymnastics but her grandparents help with that.

weehedgehog Thu 26-Oct-17 10:52:25

I suggest you tell him you welcome it if he takes you to court. It'll only work in your favour, as they can see straight through the sort of man your husband is. It'll be stressful in the short term, but you and your daughter will have clarity on how much money you are getting, when and for how long she'll see him etc. Honestly, he'll do you a favour if he takes you to court over contact with his daughter.

In the meanwhile, try and do everything via email. Keep a log of when he sees her, for how long, what she says. You'll need it when it comes to it.

weehedgehog Thu 26-Oct-17 10:53:57

I suspect he is angry because a more formal agreement with regards to contact and maintenance will stop him from messing you and her around!

Lilfroggi1 Thu 26-Oct-17 12:39:12

Thanks all I know you are right I just suppose I was quite shocked at the reaction from him and how emotional I have been since we argued about the letter last night. and I think it’s that the last few months I have been realising that he used to control me when we were married and that I still have been slightly by being scared that we would have a massive argument and that our daughter would feel the strain as she has been quite anxious at times I have got in touch with team around family and she will be having some counselling soon. Just feel exhausted maybe it is a build up of the 2 years catching up

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