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Need someone to listen.. mum and sister at war

(14 Posts)
YellowFlamingo Wed 25-Oct-17 23:58:23

I'm fed up of constant issues between my mum and sister.

My mum likes to be in control, panics and wants the best for her kids more than anything.
My sister has her own mind, makes silly mistakes, is easily controlled/submissive (maybe not the right words - I mean agrees easily and doesn't have her own mind) to her partner, struggles quite a bit with social skills so can come across as rude.

There is rarely an all-out fight but my sister is retreating more and more into her own bubble, makes jokes about my mum which are rude and listens a lot to her partner who dislikes my mum greatly.

My mum gets deeply upset that my sister puts on this superior, superficial act to my mum and doesn't really respect her. My mum hates to see my sister agree to everything her partner wants and pick him and his choices, every time, over her family...even if it means double booking or cancelling on mum.

I'm in the middle. Our family is quite broken as it is. My dad left when we were young, my sister is quite similar in personality to him. Mum is perhaps over-sensitive because of it all but I can see it is hard to see her own daughter acting so weird.

Just needed a rant and any words of wisdom.

YellowFlamingo Wed 25-Oct-17 23:59:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twitchingdog Thu 26-Oct-17 00:36:37

At The end of the day your sister is creating a famliy with partner . And you all have to aceppt you are coming second.

DaisyRaine90 Thu 26-Oct-17 00:50:55

Omg been in such a similar situation to this but with a code pendant crazy mother which none of my siblings could see and a DP I’m crazy about.

Why would it be bad that your sisters like your Dad OP? X

DaisyRaine90 Thu 26-Oct-17 00:53:23

Part of growing up is realising that your partner is who you will spend your life with not your parents 😊 I’m sorry you’ve had a hard time, but you need to let your sister make her own choices x

Isetan Thu 26-Oct-17 07:45:24

Take a step back, they’re both adults and it sounds like your mother has difficulty in accepting that your sister is an adult and she no longer has the level of control she used to. As much as you might sympathise with your mother, your sister has right to her own life, silly mistakes and all.

This is not your fight, don’t let either of them pull you in.

DaisyRaine90 Thu 26-Oct-17 07:59:13

Maybe it is because your Mum is controlling that your sister is submissive?

SabineUndine Thu 26-Oct-17 08:36:11

Sounds to me as though your mum needs to butt out, tbh. I’m sorry for your sister, stuck in the middle.

DancesWithOtters Thu 26-Oct-17 09:28:40

My mum likes to be in control, panics and wants the best for her kids more than anything.

Your sister is 27. She's free to make her own choices. Perhaps she's wanted to stand up to DM/free herself from her for years, and her new DP is supporting her with this.

Your mum can't control a 27 year old. She needs to leave her to it. She's probably done a good job of pushing her away.

user1471449805 Thu 26-Oct-17 10:27:35

It's really not your circus, they need to work this out for themselves.

Bachingupthewrongtree Thu 26-Oct-17 10:39:08

I agree with others, don't get involved. I understand your mother's desire to protect your sister - I am sure most mothers feel the same, but your sister needs to learn from her own mistakes.

Astella22 Thu 26-Oct-17 10:45:45

Sounds like she is having a natural reaction to someone trying to control her, you Mother needs to back off and allow her to lead her own life.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 26-Oct-17 11:03:30

Your mom needs to butt out and allow your sister to manage her own life.

DaisyRaine90 Fri 27-Oct-17 00:18:40

OMG this is just playing on my mind that this is my sister writing about me incognito.

Even if it isn’t, I have been in exactly this position and honestly controlling mothers (whatever their intentions) should let their adult children make their own mistakes and triumphs.

I’m 27. I have 2 kids. I have a house etc. I am as much an adult as my mother. Why should she have a say in what I do??

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