Advertisement

loader

Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Straight men you feel comfortable around

(28 Posts)
SensualSue Wed 25-Oct-17 17:51:21

I think we all know about the opposite. I was having a conversation with a friend today about men who are straight, not related to you but you feel comfortable i.e. not threatened around. I'd say there's 1 colleague in particular who falls into this bracket. I don't know for sure he's straight but I think he is. There's just something very very safe and unpredatory about him. Obviously it's more important to know of and call out those who are the harasser and abusers, but just wanted to put this put there

TittyGolightly Wed 25-Oct-17 17:52:23

Are you on glue?

BenLui Wed 25-Oct-17 17:54:58

I’m not sure I understand.

I feel comfortable around nearly all the men of my acquaintance straight or gay.

NotMyMonkees Wed 25-Oct-17 18:02:10

I think the ones I feel most comfortable around are almost asexual, never any hints of flirting or "laddy banter", just nice gentle people. Most men I feel slightly on edge with, I envy the people who don't get this thread!

Undercoverbanana Wed 25-Oct-17 18:06:45

I feel comfortable with everyone in my acquaintance. If I didn't, they wouldn't be my acquaintance, whether male, female, gay, straight, bi, trans etc etc.....

I don't think I really understand the question, but I'm curious.

Dusktilldawn Wed 25-Oct-17 18:07:39

If you mean how many men do you feel wouldn't make a pass at you if you were on your own together? Well I'm really not sure if I can think of any who are not gay or who I am not related to.

And that is based on past experience of friends and colleagues, not an irrational feeling.

Oh just thought of one I could completely trust as I am writing - a previous boss.

Be3Al2Si6O18 Wed 25-Oct-17 18:08:56

Tittygolightly

Come on love, the OP post was easy to understand. Was'n tit?

donajimena Wed 25-Oct-17 18:09:01

I sort of understand what you are saying very clumsily. FWIW I am comfortable among all men in everyday life. One to one people who I have felt comfortable around have shown a very different side...
There is only one man in my life who I completely trust who is a friend.

TittyGolightly Wed 25-Oct-17 18:09:57

Come on love, the OP post was easy to understand. Was'n tit?

Not even a little bit.

Be3Al2Si6O18 Wed 25-Oct-17 18:14:49

Well Holly it is because there has been a lot of thought around here and the internet recently that is suggesting all men are potentially predators. All guilty, and to be ruled in rather than out.

That is how I saw the OP post.

SandyY2K Wed 25-Oct-17 18:15:26

I'm comfortable/safe around several straight male colleagues. They're all married and I laugh and joke ....and occasionally do lunch with them.

Be3Al2Si6O18 Wed 25-Oct-17 18:15:49

No judgment in my post.

BorisTrumpsLair Wed 25-Oct-17 18:33:32

Most of my male friends are gay - I think there is a subconscious element to that. I chose to make friends with unthreatening men who treat me and women in general respectfully.

I have met many gay men who don't like women very much and who prefer to have minimal contact with women. I find these men hostile but not threatening.

I know many straight men who are lovely and respectful towards and about women - most of these men are in steady committed relationships.

I know men who really don't have much of a clue about sexism issues etc, but are relaxed easy going types who are not threatening and treat women with respect.

I know many straight men who are not threatening at all and would be labelled "nice guys" but they are kind of will fully ignorant about sexism. They are protective of their privilege. But when confronted with something they cannot avoid - Weinstein for example - they will be all shocked and "I can't believe it". Otherwise they will refuse to see any issue and not find it relevant to them or the women/girls in their lives.

I know many men - partners of friends who I might not otherwise have anything to do with - who masquerade as "nice guys" but who show by their actions they think women are there to clean up after them and parent their children. Or/and they are abusive one way or another. They are slippery deceptive dishonest fuckers.

I know many left leaning men who do not support women's rights at all. And who WATM and All Lives Matter etc

bigmouthstrikesagain Wed 25-Oct-17 18:49:06

I have always had a range of friends and acquaintances who are male and I am comfortable around. I have met men that made me feel uncomfortable of course but that is in the minority. I have generally felt safe as far as I recall, I have experienced sexual tension with male friends, but that has never been in a threatening way - only a frisson, a choice not made, an undercurrent. In work I was in a male dominated profession for a while, but geeky rather than macho, I never had any issues.

So I believe you op having a very different experience, but I feel it is in part to do with how you feel, it is not all about the men you have encountered.

Anniegetyourgun Wed 25-Oct-17 19:07:23

Straight men I feel comfortable around? I'd say, most of 'em. Pretty much all my current friends, relatives and workmates in fact. It hasn't always been the case.

picklemepopcorn Wed 25-Oct-17 19:20:55

Not that many, depending how you define safe. There are three that I see a lot of (not including immediate family members). The others range from being sarcastic and sharp to controlling and demanding. There are a few others I avoid when ever possible.

One guy, while having no romantic interest in me at all, keeps cornering me and expecting me to listen to him. He is very tall and quite broad, and tends to edge me out of a group and monopolise me. I don’t feel safe with him.

Growingboys Wed 25-Oct-17 19:23:40

I feel safe with all the men I know, am related to, and work with.

Hate this sort of anti-men bollocks, I really do.

Rarity75 Wed 25-Oct-17 19:29:29

I have felt safe around straight men in relationships. And then I have the experience of a pervy uncle and being propositioned by my (married) financial advisor! I guess men are like all humans, fallible and at times stupid. But I am smart enough to not get paraletically drunk in unsafe situations and to not push friendliness into flirting. Being a friendly female is often misconstrued and yes I get the OP.

SensualSue Wed 25-Oct-17 19:47:19

There are also many men who I feel fairly neutral around. Maybe I don't know them well enough to be comfortable around them but neither am uncomfortable.

picklemepopcorn Wed 25-Oct-17 20:30:37

@Growingboys, I wasn’t brought up to feel unsafe around men, I learned it. Experience has shown me that an awful lot of men behave in a way which makes me uncomfortable. I take every person I meet- male or female- at face value, and decide for myself whether or not I feel safe.

There are a few women I avoid for similar reasons, and a lot of men.

picklemepopcorn Wed 25-Oct-17 20:31:24

That's not anti men bollocks, it’s a reflection of my lived experience. I have two lovely sons who I sincere,y hope don’t make anyone feel uncomfortable.

BonnieF Wed 25-Oct-17 20:45:21

I feel comfortable around all my straight male friends. They are decent people, and if they weren't they wouldn't be my friends.

I'm comfortable around my male colleagues, too. If I wasn't, I'd have no-one to talk to.

cheapskatemum Wed 25-Oct-17 21:53:51

Being a friendly female is often misconstrued and yes I get the OP.

I agree, Rarity75. I still feel comfortable around men though. I think it's because I grew up with an older and a younger brother and went on to have 4 DSs.

lilybetsy Thu 26-Oct-17 09:44:33

There are very few men I feel completely comfortable around. My brothers, my best friends husband, and a couple of others. I have been in two abusive relationship and I am now very wary of most men - it is only those who have proven to me over years that they can be trusted - I'm not afraid f a man making a pass at me , I don't think anyone I know would do that, I'm afraid of violence and anger. And I have learned the hard way.

badabing36 Thu 26-Oct-17 09:59:44

I see your point op. I once told a married colleague I liked his shirt. He literally jumped away from me like I had attempted to kiss him. I didn't feel comfortable being friendly with him after that. There was an office creep there too and one genuinely nice man who was able to be friends with women. Some others were also able to chit chat without thinking I was trying to shag them.

I don't know a lot of men I want to be friends with to be honest. I can do small talk with I feel comfortable around most, some not.

When I was a teenager I had a very good friend who admitted feelings for me. He never tried to sneakily touch me or just jump in for a kiss. He never made an inappropriate comment on my body parts. I didn't know how rare that was then. To be treated with respect by someone who fancied you. The friendship petered out but I don't think I ever realised what a nice guy he was.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now