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Married, 3 kids moved abroad and need help

(11 Posts)
Helpabrother Wed 25-Oct-17 12:49:24

We emigrated to Australia last year and since had our 3rd child.
Our relationship is seriously lacking and we're missing something we used to have. My wife is unhappy and wants to move back to the UK. I feel our relationship is hanging in the balance. She wants to move back next year. Which is fine (well, its not). But we seem to be lacking that spark and were suffering as a result. Has anybody been in the same situation and can offer any advice to bring her back on my side. I feel im loosing her. Which is not what i want. I love her to bits and want to spend the rest of my life with her and out 3 kids. Any advice on how to get that 'je ne sais quoi' back. I feel im on a loosing streak and want to do anything to not let that happen. We have no out of family support, so time on our own is out of the question. Date nights are great, but seem to be good for that time only. Then back to square -1 Advice welcomed.

Thanks

user1499169579 Wed 25-Oct-17 12:59:00

Maybe she's just miserable living in Australia.
Or did you emigrate because you thought 'Fresh start' etc?

Helpabrother Wed 25-Oct-17 13:28:12

Yeah, she's not happy. That was the reason for emigrating. But that doesnt solve anything currently unfortunatly. Shes in the uk now, returning Monday. Just dont want to move back then she calls a stop to everything. Then loosing my life, wife, kids, the lot

Myheartbelongsto Wed 25-Oct-17 13:43:56

Is going back to the UK an option?

Helpabrother Wed 25-Oct-17 14:57:53

Yeah, that is going to happen according to her txts and phonecalls. End of next year. But theres a lot of time between then and now!!

hellsbellsmelons Wed 25-Oct-17 16:18:04

Does she have friends in Australia?
Does she have 'me' time to go to the gym or go our socially without you and the DC?
She's in, basically, a foreign country, trying to raise 3 kids with no outside support at all.
I'd be unhappy too.
Why can't you move back until end of next year?

HipToBeSquare Wed 25-Oct-17 16:22:47

So she wanted to move to Australia and now wants to move back?

You haven't really given it a chance. I'd say you need 2-3 years before you start to settle. Well that's been my experience.

And if you had a support network here then leaving it and going where you have none can be quite shocking.

Maelstrop Wed 25-Oct-17 19:04:02

All I can say is my db and his wife were in the same situation 10 years ago. My sil found a job, a social circle and got used to the idea of living in Australia. I know she found it very hard and wouldn't sell up back home for ages 'just in case'. She has come to love it after helping my db set up his business and re-starting a time consuming hobby of her own. No idea if any of that would help if your wife is determined to go home, tho.

QuiteLikely5 Wed 25-Oct-17 19:07:51

Why is she so unhappy? You said she was also unhappy at home so went abroad?

I’m afraid life doesn’t work like that and you really can’t escape your own problems regardless of your address

What issues has your wife raised with your marriage?

HeebieJeebies456 Wed 25-Oct-17 19:37:24

Do you have a job in australia?
She went into this with her eyes wide open so needs to make an effort, not bail at the first hurdle.
Plus your kids don't deserve to be pushed from pillar to post and back again.
You can't make her want to make an effort unfortunately.

I think you should get some legal advice as to what your rights are regards the children.
She can't just 'up and leave' with the dc - she needs your permission to move them back to the uk permanently.

CoyoteCafe Wed 25-Oct-17 20:20:06

You immigrated last year AND had a baby? Holy crap -- that's a recipe for depression.

Encourage your wife to go to counseling, or sign up for marriage counseling together. Is she working or staying at home? How is that going? Is she isolated? Does she have ANY friends? What about people you work with -- any couples that you could hang out with together?

What kind of support can you buy for her? Someone to clean the house every week? A teenager to come over one afternoon a week to play with the kids and give her a break? I think you need to brain storm options.

I think it's bigger than "the spark." I think she isn't happy with her life. Keeping going on dates -- even though the happiness from them is short term. At least it is some happiness.

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