Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Older man. What would you do?

(20 Posts)
Peaceonearthplease Wed 25-Oct-17 10:12:56

I’m being wooed by a lovely older guy (late 50s). I’ve known him for a few years & and after the end of a relationship he is now single. He’s a kind, decent, solvent & sane man. I’ve been single forever after many heartbreaks but now in a content place in my mid 50s. A few things, that I can recognise, are holding me back...1) fear of being hurt/dumped/cheated on again 2) I don’t fancy him in the hot way of previous (unsuitable) guys. 3) I am independent, got my shit together, don’t need a man to complete me (never thought I’d get to this point, mind you!). Your thoughts on how to proceed with this relationship, please. I consider him a great friend & pillar of strength but it’s not a crazy crush. Being together might also mean less work & a finacially secure retirement. What would you do?

user21 Wed 25-Oct-17 10:17:17

Be wooed and take it from there.
Far preferable long term to a hot younger bloke imo.

I have a few friends in this situation. Many of them have happy relationships but continue to live separately

LewisThere Wed 25-Oct-17 10:17:32

Go for it but go slowly.
You can go out with someone wo moving in with them straight away (in some ways it's worrying that you are already thinking that far ahead).

DONT think about going out with him for financial stability and safety. Yes that COULD come with being in a nice relationhsip but shouldn't be your aim iyswim. Just enjoy the relationship rather than thinking about the possible advantages. Esp as you have got to a place where you have your shirt together.

And with the go slowly, add protect yourself, esp your (financial) assets.

Cricrichan Wed 25-Oct-17 10:18:23

As nice as he sounds, you don't have the right feelings for him so there's nothing to think about.

user21 Wed 25-Oct-17 10:18:28

The best sex I ever had was with someone I didn't actually fancy that much.

Ttbb Wed 25-Oct-17 10:19:40

Well why don't you just see how it goes? If you find that you prefer being alone just say so but you may find that youcone to live his company and neverwantbtobe parted.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 25-Oct-17 11:04:26

Take it all as it comes.
Don't rush anything.
Enjoy it and see where it all takes you.
You may find that the sexual attractions comes in time.
Don't put pressure on yourself to 'make it work'
Date and enjoy!

abbsisspartacus Wed 25-Oct-17 11:07:26

I'm in a relationship with someone who is nothing like any other man I've been with and I'm happy it's nice to have a change as I said to him I have terrible taste in men 😂

SchnitzelVonKrumm Wed 25-Oct-17 11:12:26

If he’s late 50s and you’re mid 50s, how is he an “older man”?

Peaceonearthplease Wed 25-Oct-17 13:19:36

Vonkrumm, I used the term ‘older man’ to explain that this is a question about mature folk not a 20 something passion (if only!).

Absiss, I like your take on it & Hellsbells, nice advice.

Lewis, I have no intention of moving in with him! But looking to my future I hope to work less after slogging away for over 30 years. I am financially secure & would want a partner who can add to that. I am looking for the advantages at this stage in the game after years of falling for wrong uns. Zero interest in bank rolling a man!

Myheartbelongsto Wed 25-Oct-17 13:46:17

I'd leave it op as he deserves better.

Said nicely!

Peaceonearthplease Wed 25-Oct-17 13:50:56

Heartbelongsto, you’re a real treasure flowers

Vitalogy Wed 25-Oct-17 13:56:55

The thing is if he wants romance/physical relationship it ain't gonna work is it.

FinallyHere Wed 25-Oct-17 13:59:06

What is there to decide that this point? How about just taking things slowly, and see how you get on? What is the worst that could happen? You get your hopes up that this man/relationship could be everything for you are your hopes are dashed?

Just don't get your hopes up ahead of what you actually know about him. Do you enjoy his company? Is it more fun to do things with him, or to do things and then tell him about the lovely experience you have had? Do you think oh he would love to see/hear/know about, i can't wait to tell him?

That would be a start for me and I would just enjoy the experience, they maybe see how it goes, with no big decisions needed.

Vitalogy Wed 25-Oct-17 13:59:29

He’s a kind, decent, solvent & sane man. They seem to be few and far between grin

abbsisspartacus Wed 25-Oct-17 16:50:21

Thing is a good man really is hard to find especially as you get older give it a go you might be suprised

mummyretired Wed 25-Oct-17 16:58:31

I tried to make it work with someone I considered to be a good man but wasn't particularly physically attracted to; falling into that trap again is my biggest fear now I'm single. You say it's not a crazy crush, it's not clear whether or how much you fancy him. I would say take it slowly, be honest with him and don't even consider cohabiting for the first few years.

SandyY2K Wed 25-Oct-17 17:37:45

he’s late 50s and you’re mid 50s, how is he an “older man”?

That's what I thought.

I've seen the reply to this.

gamerchick Wed 25-Oct-17 17:41:12

I think of would just see what happens tbh. He may be able to kiss that turns your legs to jelly or be good in bed so you want to ride him like seabiscuit. You just can't know

Be3Al2Si6O18 Wed 25-Oct-17 17:41:47

Sounds like you are consciously entering into a relationship where you wish to - and will - take more than give.

Nothing wrong with that if that is what you want.

Just an observation. No judgment. smile

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: