I’m being wooed by a lovely older guy (late 50s). I’ve known him for a few years & and after the end of a relationship he is now single. He’s a kind, decent, solvent & sane man. I’ve been single forever after many heartbreaks but now in a content place in my mid 50s. A few things, that I can recognise, are holding me back...1) fear of being hurt/dumped/cheated on again 2) I don’t fancy him in the hot way of previous (unsuitable) guys. 3) I am independent, got my shit together, don’t need a man to complete me (never thought I’d get to this point, mind you!). Your thoughts on how to proceed with this relationship, please. I consider him a great friend & pillar of strength but it’s not a crazy crush. Being together might also mean less work & a finacially secure retirement. What would you do?
Go for it but go slowly. You can go out with someone wo moving in with them straight away (in some ways it's worrying that you are already thinking that far ahead).
DONT think about going out with him for financial stability and safety. Yes that COULD come with being in a nice relationhsip but shouldn't be your aim iyswim. Just enjoy the relationship rather than thinking about the possible advantages. Esp as you have got to a place where you have your shirt together.
And with the go slowly, add protect yourself, esp your (financial) assets.
Take it all as it comes. Don't rush anything. Enjoy it and see where it all takes you. You may find that the sexual attractions comes in time. Don't put pressure on yourself to 'make it work' Date and enjoy!
Vonkrumm, I used the term ‘older man’ to explain that this is a question about mature folk not a 20 something passion (if only!).
Absiss, I like your take on it & Hellsbells, nice advice.
Lewis, I have no intention of moving in with him! But looking to my future I hope to work less after slogging away for over 30 years. I am financially secure & would want a partner who can add to that. I am looking for the advantages at this stage in the game after years of falling for wrong uns. Zero interest in bank rolling a man!
What is there to decide that this point? How about just taking things slowly, and see how you get on? What is the worst that could happen? You get your hopes up that this man/relationship could be everything for you are your hopes are dashed?
Just don't get your hopes up ahead of what you actually know about him. Do you enjoy his company? Is it more fun to do things with him, or to do things and then tell him about the lovely experience you have had? Do you think oh he would love to see/hear/know about, i can't wait to tell him?
That would be a start for me and I would just enjoy the experience, they maybe see how it goes, with no big decisions needed.
I tried to make it work with someone I considered to be a good man but wasn't particularly physically attracted to; falling into that trap again is my biggest fear now I'm single. You say it's not a crazy crush, it's not clear whether or how much you fancy him. I would say take it slowly, be honest with him and don't even consider cohabiting for the first few years.