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Going NC with my whole family. So sad.

(10 Posts)
Crunchymum Wed 25-Oct-17 09:15:50

Trying to be vague but I've had a major falling out with a sibling (money related) and my family's reaction to it means I am considering cutting contact with them - parents and other sibling. They have excused and minimised and basically supported sibling who is completely fucking us over financially under the guise of "not taking sides".

I am so sad though? I can't stop crying.

I'm pregnant with 3rd DC (other 2 are aged five and under)

I guess I'm just wanting to hear that I'm going to be ok?

Family don't bring much to my life if I'm honest but there has never been so much as a cross word before mainly as we tend to brush things under the carpet as a family

What do I do? Just cut them off? Tell them? Gradual retreat?

Will I calm down in time?

Sorry, just feeling a bit lost right now.

AtrociousCircumstance Wed 25-Oct-17 09:18:48

Sounds very painful. Do you think there is any worth in speaking to your parents about how you feel?

You could go low contact while you’re deciding.

AtrociousCircumstance Wed 25-Oct-17 09:20:17

Ps being pg can magnify things emotionally. It might not be the best time to male big decisions like this - but definitely allow yourself space to think things through.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 25-Oct-17 10:04:26

Don't make big decisions right now.
Hormones are all over the place.
You can go low contact for now and just back away from it all.
Concentrate on yourself and your little family.
Talk to your OH about how you feel and get it out there (if you haven't already)
I can't imagine how hard it will be. But many people do it.

LibertyHill Wed 25-Oct-17 10:35:35

You sound very upset flowers

Please don't make any rash decisions in the heat of the moment. Take some time out from them until things have settled down and emotions are not so high. Families have fall outs all the time and recover but NC is a huge lifetime decision that can't always be repaired down the line.

K0729P Wed 25-Oct-17 11:07:01

I think it's unfair to go NC with parents just because they have said they don't want to pick sides. The issue you have described is between you and your sibling - why drag everyone else into it? (unless there is a lot more info to this that is making you feel this way). Drawing on personal experience my DSis has gone NC with my DF and it is extremely awkward for us other family members when we are all together etc. However, the reasons behind this were between those 2 only and it isn't my battle to choose a side I think is right.

You will soon have 3 kids which you may require your parents support with as well, so for now I'd maybe back off from others not involved until you settle down regarding the feelings about your sibling and then decide what you want to do.

QueenofallIsee Wed 25-Oct-17 11:11:46

You will be OK OP, with or without them, I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. Pregnancy is a fraught time and families are not perfect, please do not burn any bridges until you are quite sure of how you feel. Dial down your contact with your parents and sibling if it is adding to your stress, give yourself some time to think

bastardkitty Wed 25-Oct-17 11:15:31

The parents are picking sides - they are supporting the OP's sibling. I agree you will be okay with or without them. I don't think it's good to canvas opinions from people with more 'normal' family relationships because they also tend to minimise issues. I agree there is no need to rush such a big decision, but I think when you look back and realise they have never added much to your life, that is quite telling.

TammyswansonTwo Wed 25-Oct-17 11:41:54

I have been NC with my father for over 20 years. I was NC with my mum for quite a while.wont go into the specifics but she quite spectacularly dropped me like a hot potato in favour of her abusive husband (we were in another country, I was only there to support her, and then literally sent home early so her twat of a husband could come out instead). Wasn't the first time and it was the final straw.

A short while afterwards she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I had to put it all aside and be there for her and I'm so glad I was as we forged a great relationship in the time she had left. We were lucky we had that time as if she had passed suddenly I would have been crippled by our poor relationship for the rest of my life.

If I found out my father had terminal cancer he wouldn't get so much as a phone call, and nor would he deserve one.

So what I would say is, is it really not salvageable with anyone in your family? If they died tomorrow would you have regrets? Take some time and consider this, but just because someone is family doesn't mean they're entitled to space in your life.

AtrociousCircumstance Wed 25-Oct-17 22:52:13

Just wanted to add that only you know the circumstances here OP, and going NC is sometimes the best and most healing choice.

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