Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Bit of a quandry

(11 Posts)
HarmlessChap Wed 25-Oct-17 03:49:37

Recently a woman who is a good friend questioned me about her partner's, who is also a good friend, relationship with his best mate's GF.

She is worried that they are having an affair; I have no reason to believe that they are, in fact I would be amazed that either would jeopardise their relationships let alone both.

The woman who asked has in the past freely admitted that she has always been massively insecure so I'm not inclined to automatically side with the gut feelings camp here.

Presumably she asked me as she believes that I wouldn't lie to her, which is true, and I've been around them when she and the other woman's partners have been absent. On the flip side when we were out recently (not just me him and her but several others too) I asked why his DP wasn't out, he said she had an early morning commitment the following day but he'd just have to take the flack from her as she doesn't want to let him go out on his own any more.

I had a good chat with her, saying I though she was wrong and that if she's having issues with insecurities and trust she needs to work on them or decide what she wants but if she carries on as she is they will consume her.

The quandary is this. From what I know of this woman and her past relationships I doubt my reassurances will have changed anything. At some point I expect her to throw accusations around, sabotaging her relationship with her DP, probably messing up his friendship with his best mate and damaging the relationship between that mate and his GF.

My gut says stay well out of things, let whatever may happen, happen but try to be the voice of reason if it does. However, she's kind of involved me and my head says I should at least tell her DP what she's thinking. Then he can decide whether to talk to her about it or make sure he's not alone with his mate's GF or maybe even run for the hills.


keepcalmandfuckon Wed 25-Oct-17 03:52:04

Stay out of it. Not your circus.

bluescreen Wed 25-Oct-17 04:03:13

Nope. Stay out of it. By all means talk to her about her irrational fears but don't let it go further.

However decent your motives.

GreatStar Wed 25-Oct-17 04:05:20

Do nothing. Absolutely nothing

Foobarjar Wed 25-Oct-17 04:07:22


You know the answer! Stay out of it.

Distance yourself if you are involved via mentalness.

WickedLazy Wed 25-Oct-17 04:07:52

I would stay well out if it.

SpareASquare Wed 25-Oct-17 04:28:37

What's the quandry?

She questioned you, you answered her.

Not sure you went on to give her advice based on your judgment of her personality but, either way, you've done your bit. (and more confused )

beesandknees Wed 25-Oct-17 04:32:30

If you want to create maximum drama for all parties, including yourself, sure, go ahead.

My assumption, based on your OP, is that you have designs on your friend and would like to break her and her DP up. Or, you just have a bit of a meddling-saviour complex which you'd like to indulge by maximizing drama in your friend group

beesandknees Wed 25-Oct-17 04:33:36

The fact that you even see a quandary in this situation speaks to how warped your ideas are, frankly. It wouldn't ever occur to most folk to tattle on a friend to their dp? Surely?

Simmy10 Wed 25-Oct-17 04:47:37

Hi. I would stay out of it.

HarmlessChap Wed 25-Oct-17 08:21:23

Right that confirms it I'll follow my gut and stay out of it.

TBH I wish she hadn't asked, its a horrible position to be when they are both friends and you know one suspects the other of cheating.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: