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Help and a guiding hand needed

(7 Posts)
Willing2acceptAdvice Tue 24-Oct-17 22:56:43


My names Andy. I’m a guy 35. From West Yorkshire in the uk.

I have been in a relationship for the past 3-4 years. We have been hitting rough patches over the past year on and off and I’m beginning to question our relationship and longjevity of it.

Don’t get me wrong I love her, but I don’t feel as I’m love with her as I once did. The quirky things aren’t as good as what they used to be and we seem to fall out over more things than we used to.

We have once been through a rough patch when she gave me an ultimatum about getting married. She basically said if you don’t marry me before I’m 30 I’ll go find someone who will. This turned my world upside down.

However since I’ve been thinking about the issues with our relationship I’ve been having anxiety issues. The seem to be mainly focused around being old than I wanted to be when having children.

I suppose you could say I’m disappointed my life hasn’t turned out the way I hoped it would and now I’m worried about having children in my late thirties will mean I miss out on other things I wanted to do. Such as travel when I retired etc.

So what I want to know from you lovely people is what you think I should do. It’s a massive dilemma. Does anyone think that I’m being daft worrying about having children in my late 30’s or not? I have friends who have had children later and they say “age is just a number” and I’m impressed by their atttitude towards life and I would love to be more like them but just could do with everyone’s thoughts....

Nandoshoes Tue 24-Oct-17 22:59:13

I definitely wouldn't worry about it. I'm 24 my bf is the same as you he doesn't want to be an older dad. I think I would prefer to have a child with a more mature man. I think 30 is to young if I'm honest.

bluebell34567 Tue 24-Oct-17 23:07:03

you are not in love with her, why would you have a child with her?
because after having children your life will become more difficult and your relation will be more strained.
be honest with her.

Maelstrop Tue 24-Oct-17 23:22:27

It's think the absolute last thing you should do is have children with somone you're not crazy about. It will end badly. Do you want to stay with her?

Willing2acceptAdvice Tue 24-Oct-17 23:48:53

If things could go back to where they were then yes I would stay with her. Do you think I’m wrong in worrying about it?

pog100 Tue 24-Oct-17 23:52:26

You've written the same OP dozens of times, you will get the same answers. If anyone can be bothered. Stop obsessing.

Aquamarine1029 Wed 25-Oct-17 01:24:35

Always trust your instincts. You know you shouldn't continue with this relationship. Sadly, far too many people talk themselves out of ending it due to misplaced guilt or downplaying their misgivings. It is ENTIRELY possible to genuinely care for someone who is a wonderful person in many ways, but that does NOT mean you should be married or stay a couple. Sometimes there are big things that drive a couple apart, but you also can't dismiss all the small things that scream to you that you're just not suited for each other. You are clearly a decent, sensitive, and thoughtful man. Ending a relationship does not make you a bad person. And BTW, you have plenty of years to have a family if you so choose.

End it and move on. It truly is the best for both of you.

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