Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Dating site newsletter

(8 Posts)
Wotapalaver Tue 24-Oct-17 21:18:57

I have name changed for this post but am a regular (and not someone from the Mail/Sun) I needed to find something on DHs computer related to our business and he was away , so did a spotlight search which brought up what I needed as no idea what it was filed under, imagine my surprise too when I saw in the list (as it used the word I had searched under) a dating site newsletter back from 2011. It’s a very tasteful one and not from one of the obvious places and fits with his interests and character. It was filed away in a file with loads of old emails . At first I thought it was Spam but then realised that it doesn’t have any marketing/3Rd party type disclaimers at the bottom and shows it’s for his specific email address. It also came from an email address where the lady’s name sending it is also the sign off name in the body of text, having checked the site they state they do not sell lists, buy lists or market spam , and you get the newsletter by either being a member or signing up for it, so I am struggling to find an innocent explanation for this although you can tick for the newsletter (which also has good content about ethics/environment etc, without being a ‘member’. But still, it’s pretty obvious it’s main function is as a dating site. He doesn’t exactly have a squeaky clean record either, a longish emotional affair about 5 years prior to date of this newsletter that ended about 2 years before this . I am really not quite sure how to approach saying I have seen this. I tried logging in and it doesn’t recognise his email address , so it may be something that he did for a short while but still it’s totally bloody unacceptable as far as I’m concerned, however I do wonder if there is an innocent explanation but am Struggling to think of one.

bonfireheart Tue 24-Oct-17 23:10:42

No offence OP but what were you hoping from posters?
1- ask him
2- don't ask him
3- do some more research and then ask him
4- trust him
5- don't trust him and go to option 1

FritzDonovan Tue 24-Oct-17 23:28:06

How long have you been with him? Sounds like he was a member in 2011 (i doubt anyone signs up for the newsletter by coming across it anywhere other than the dating site), but either has deleted the account or changed his email address since then.
You wont find anything out by asking. Look for an alternative email account, keep your eyes open for anything else.

SandyDenny Tue 24-Oct-17 23:41:27

Was the newsletter an actual email or had he saved a file that had originally been sent as an email attachment?

Was there any indication of a user name for the site or was it personalized with his name?

mindutopia Wed 25-Oct-17 07:39:34

Is it possible he signed up before he met you? I used dating sites before I met my husband. We’ve been together nearly 10 years so we’re talking 2005 or so. I still get rubbish from them. I’ve cancelled my accounts (probably 2008), sent emails to spam, unsubscribed, emailed them to ask to be taken off their lists. But I still get at least one or two emails a month. I know it’s difficult with his history but it’s possible it’s something he signed up for a long time ago and can’t get rid of. Maybe he happened to open one of the emails and take a look at the newsletter. I’ve certainly opened some of the emails I got in the past out of curiosity or to look for how to unsubscribe.

Wotapalaver Wed 25-Oct-17 09:25:27

It definitely wasnt from before we met as we met pre email addresses!! Over 22 years ago . I think I just wanted to know whether you would say anything or not

hellsbellsmelons Wed 25-Oct-17 11:08:56

I would be setting up a fake profile on that site and seeing if he's still on it.
I agree, you won't find out anything by asking.
He can easily explain this away and it's from years ago so he can brush it under the carpet.
Maybe try a few other sites and see if he's on them?

FritzDonovan Fri 27-Oct-17 12:57:36

hells good idea in theory, but have you ever tried to find someone on one of those sites? Isnt it a bit of a needle in a haystack situation, esp if a few details have been changed?

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: