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Shall I tell my OH what his brother in law said?

(22 Posts)
JJRJ1002 Tue 24-Oct-17 16:29:45

Please can anyone give me any advice as I have no one to talk to and I'm being driven mad.

A few nights ago me, my OH and his sisters boyfriend went out. We all had quite a bit to drink. But at the end of the night when my Oh Was in the loo, his sisters boyfriend grabbed my bum and said I had a nice arse. I didn't know what to do or say so I just laughed it off as it wasn't said in a lusty way or anything. But now I just feel so terrible, I keep thinking about it and feel guilty as if I done something wrong and hate that I feel I'm keeping a 'secret' from my OH. The reason I don't want to tell anyone is because I don't want to bring any unnecessary drama to the family!
Is it bad that I don't say anything?
I can't sleep worrying about it.

RedForFilth Tue 24-Oct-17 16:47:47

You should have a word with him yourself since it was you that he touched without permission. Men shouldn't get away with treating women like pieces of meat.

Gannicusthemannicus Tue 24-Oct-17 16:47:57

Its such an awkward situation that I can see you not wanting to say anything....but even just for your peace of mind you need to tell your OH.
Whether he shares it with his sister is his decision. Also, silly drunk moment or not, personally I would not want to stay in a relationship with a man who grabbed my brother's partner's bum, so even if it does bring drama to the family it isn't your fault.

Tuileries Tue 24-Oct-17 16:48:49

I think it would be a good idea to tell him. You have done nothing wrong. His sister's boyfriend is a twat. Did she see it happen?

MyBrilliantDisguise Tue 24-Oct-17 16:50:34

I would tell him. Creeps like that depend on women being ashamed and embarrassed.

LonginesPrime Tue 24-Oct-17 18:03:24

The reason I don't want to tell anyone is because I don't want to bring any unnecessary drama to the family

OP, you didn’t bring any drama to anyone - he did.

It’s not your fault he grabbed you and behaved inappropriately, and anyone who blames you for objecting to it should be ashamed of themselves.

JJRJ1002 Tue 24-Oct-17 18:28:56

She wasn't there so didn't see.
He has cheated on her in the past but she stayed with him.
I am so worried that if I say anything he could start making lies up about me about why he done it - he could say I led him on ? He could turn it all around on me- He could say anything- he's a bit of a loose cannon. And then it would be a he said/she said situation.
I hate being in this position so much, I feel sick to my stomach worrying about it. I wish I never went out!

loveablether Tue 24-Oct-17 19:17:39

You should tell your OH, If you do t that sleezy idiot will think it’s ok to do it again perhaps. Let your OH help make a decision on what next steps are - I bet your not the only one this guy is doing it to. I feel for OHs sister sad

I feel your pain - my DHs married best friend once confessed his love for me (on a night out for mY DHs birthday! 😳) I took 2 days to tell him as was terrified of being blamed, but it all worked out.

Iris65 Tue 24-Oct-17 19:19:41

If I say anything he could start making lies up about me about why he done it - he could say I led him on ? He could turn it all around on me.

Logical reply is why would you say anything if you were the instigator?

Annoyed5678 Tue 24-Oct-17 19:30:37

I would tell you OH, then he can decide if he wants to tell his sister if not I suggest giving him a wide berth from now on

2014newme Tue 24-Oct-17 19:31:55

Is he Ryan giggs?

BeingATwatItsABingThing Tue 24-Oct-17 19:45:25

Oh OP! flowers This is so crap for you on so many levels.

You really need to tell your DP. He can support you through this. If the twat has form for being a sleaze, this might be the push your DP’s sister needs.

TammyswansonTwo Wed 25-Oct-17 13:52:29

If anyone ever touched me / said anything to me like that the first thing I would do is tell my husband. He can say what he wants - surely your husband won't belleve it or why would you bring it up? Is there more to this?

Myheartbelongsto Wed 25-Oct-17 14:07:37

I'd tell my boyfriend in a heartbeat.

JJRJ1002 Wed 25-Oct-17 14:25:50

There's no more to this other then he clearly has no respect for anyone!

SandyY2K Wed 25-Oct-17 23:48:07

If you don't say anything, thud could come back to haunt you and you'll wish you said something.

CoyoteCafe Thu 26-Oct-17 02:13:31

You need to tell him so you can let it go.

You also need to stay far, far away from your OH's sister's boyfriend. He assaulted you. Because you laughed it, he could easily do it again.

MyDearAnnie Thu 26-Oct-17 05:36:14

Tell your partner. You did nothing wrong but will look complicit if you keep his brother in law's behaviour a secret.

Wooooooopsadaisy Thu 26-Oct-17 05:48:58

JJR I've been in your position and it's awful.

I chose not to tell at first and when it did a year later, after he was caught doing it to some one else, it caused more problems than if I'd actually been brave enough to speak out about it. I actually laughed off his first advance and when he tried again I actually ran off! I blamed myself for not telling him to fuck off the first time

I didn't speak out as I was worried there may be an actual physical fight and that I'd wreck my family members family.

People like this rely on us keeping out mouth shut and feeling guilty about their wrong doing. If you had a child or a teenager and he had done this to them you would be guns blazing - be like that about yourself.

Even if your sisters doesn't believe you at least you have been true to yourself. She needs to be told this guys a creep

RandomMess Thu 26-Oct-17 07:55:08

Why don’t you tell your DH “never leave me alone with BIL again, he was leechy the other night and I don’t like it”

Hissy Thu 26-Oct-17 10:36:58

You can't keep a secret like this from your H.

Elkilil Thu 26-Oct-17 12:39:10

My ex brother in law made a comment about my chest to me one night which was a bit sleazy and I also felt sick.. it was out of character for him. I ended up telling my fiancé and he confronted him. All worked out in the end. Better then it eating me up

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