Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Cannot get over my ex

(14 Posts)
dazedandconfuse Tue 24-Oct-17 09:15:56

He says he doesn't know if he wants to be with me or not. We talk regularly, I know he talks to other people too.

I'm finding it really hard to cut off all contact as I don't really have any friends or anything like that. How the fuck do you get over an ex? He treats me like shit and I'm still madly in love with him. It makes me feel like the most pathetic person in the whole world. Im normally very independent, strong willed... but at the moment I'm just lost. I know he's stringing me along and I NEED to cut all contact but it just feels impossible.

user1493423934 Tue 24-Oct-17 09:33:51

Going through same thing. No advice sorry, but following.

albedo Tue 24-Oct-17 09:58:59

You can't get over him if you're still talking to him. You need to go no-contact.

I know this is hard, especially if you don't have a strong support network. But talking to him won't make you feel better AND will distract you from building up the support network you need.

Block and delete him. Get rid of all photos or memories of him (save a couple of photos on a memory stick BUT DON'T LOOK AT THEM).

Blocking and deleting, done in one fell swoop, takes the will-power issue away from you. Phone calls, text, whatsapp, social media. All of it. If you must, give his number to someone else to keep if you need it. But they aren't to give it to you for 30 days at least.

You will feel like you're going crazy, but you will be ok. Do what you can to distract yourself. Start to think about what YOU want from life and work towards that.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Tue 24-Oct-17 10:00:56

You’re in a catch twenty two.

You won’t get over him while you are talking to him. You won’t make new friends or fill the void that he’s left; or let yourself heal. So you have to rip that plaster off.

In terms of other people; how can you change that? It’s not healthy to be solely dependent on one person, so see this as a good opportunity to fix that ready for your next relationship. Can you fill the time that you would have spent talking to him socialising at clubs? It’ll feel awkward at first; but you’ll get there. Do you have any old friends you could reconnect with?

meowimacat Tue 24-Oct-17 10:16:22

He treats me like shit

And there is your reason to stop this today. YOU deserve better. Come join us in the 30 day no contact (NC) thread on here. We'll support you while you go cold turkey from him. I'm doing it at the moment and it's tough but I've got so many others there supporting me. xxx

TheNaze73 Tue 24-Oct-17 10:50:15

You need to think rationally & go no contact. There are 7 billion people on the planet, not one of us (including him) is irreplaceable.
Withdraw & fill your new blank canvas with good stuff

Annoyed5678 Tue 24-Oct-17 11:14:47

I agree NC is the only way, he's keeping you at arms length dangling the carrot its a power game for him messing with your emotions, block him and look into any art classes or sewing classes near to you take your mind off it but meet new people

ferando81 Tue 24-Oct-17 11:20:24

Watching Louis Theroux on BBC talking to a prostitute who used to get beat him up and treated badly by her pimp.I was amazed to hear her say she found him exciting and that she missed him even though she was scared of him .
I was amazed but I guess the mind plays tricks on us.
I don't believe it is possible to love someone who doesn't treat you well because your love is based on a false perception of that person.Objectively friends will see that he is cruel but your emotional need for love ,overrides the common sense side of your personality.
You are not in love ,but you crave love and are scared to let go in case you will never find it .
Let go .

Coconutspongexo Tue 24-Oct-17 11:23:04

You need to stop talking to him, he's always going to have a hold on you if you continue talking to him plus he can't just keep you in a string.

Is it possible it's a case of he doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you. You're worth more than that, hope you feel better about it soon!

theyoniwayisnorthwards Tue 24-Oct-17 11:24:55

I agree, no contact is the way to go. I think you also need to accept that it will hurt for a while and that you have to just live through it instead of trying to lessen the pain momentarily by reaching out to him. My worst break up was a long time ago but I remember I joined a gym and started working out a lot. It was an amazing way to channel all the anxiety and wasted emotion/energy I had and it helped me to feel better physically and emotionally. I worked out by myself rather than in a class and if cost is an issue you could try an online class or app.

BackInTheRoom Tue 24-Oct-17 11:31:06

How long have you been with him OP?

dazedandconfuse Tue 24-Oct-17 15:23:44

I've been with him a year and a half, I'm also pregnant with his child (whom he wants nothing to do with) which I know, makes me 100x more of an idiot for not being able to not contact him

Coconutspongexo Tue 24-Oct-17 16:20:41

This happened to me OP except I was with my ex 10 years and engaged when he decided he didn't wanna be with me the day we found out I was preg.

I cut all contact with him (helped that he fucked off to the other side of the world) and honestly it's the best thing he ever done for my and my son. You don't need flakey people around you especially when you're pregnant and I believe I got over him a lot faster because I was pregnant because I didn't have time to dwell on him there was more important things going on.

He isn't worth your time honestly.

pompomcat Tue 24-Oct-17 17:33:37

^ what previous posters said. NC is incredibly painful but has to be done if he's treating you like this, and with time it really does get better.
How far along are you in your pregnancy? & how are you feeling? Please focus on yourself and the baby. cakeflowers

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: