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Weird accusation from usually normal DP

(73 Posts)
Lapdog22 Mon 23-Oct-17 23:36:12

My DP of 8 years is usually a normal easy going decent person but he said something to me today which did not impress me.

My DS's friend is going through a rough patch and is staying with us until he gets somewhere to live. He is 19 and pretty vulnerable as his upbringing was terrible. My DC like him a lot.

My DP came over yesterday and realised I was in the house with DC's friend on my own. My DC were out. DP seemed put out and left pretty soon after. He then texted me to ask if I was sleeping with my DC's friend.

I was horrified that he would even think that and I read him the riot act and told him where to go.

We have a good relationship but I am seriously thinking of ending it. How would you feel?

Poshindevon Mon 23-Oct-17 23:56:37

I would not have my sisters vulnerable teenage friend living in my house, for starters.
So what if your children like him your partner is uncomfortable and unhappy. This is down to you.
Your lodger needs to go not your DP

hunibuni Mon 23-Oct-17 23:59:54

DP needs to wind his neck in and wise up! Immaturity and insecurity are such an attractive trait...NOT!

tabulahrasa Tue 24-Oct-17 00:02:33

"I would not have my sisters vulnerable teenage friend living in my house, for starters."

I'm assuming DS is son... it's a friend of her child...

keepingbees Tue 24-Oct-17 00:03:52

I would be very hmm why he'd jumped to that conclusion if i'd never given him reason to think that or distrust me. A bit odd

MinorRSole Tue 24-Oct-17 00:04:48

She can have whoever she likes living in her home!

Sounds like you are doing a nice thing op, very odd reaction from your dp. What’s he saying now you’ve had your say?

DancingDragon Tue 24-Oct-17 00:05:51

I think it sounds utterly bizarre. Why on earth would your dp think that? Anyway, seems to me its your house and your choice.

KarmaNoMore Tue 24-Oct-17 00:08:46

I wouldn't leave him about that, that would be ridiculous! but I would make him grovel and beg after offending you in such way

RedastheRose Tue 24-Oct-17 00:08:53

Wtaf PoshinDevon

Your partner is out of order OP. It's your child's friend who you are being kind to. I would also be seriously thinking about this relationship after that. People often project their attitudes onto others so is your DP saying that he isn't to be trusted around someone young enough to be his child and vulnerable to boot? Properly weird behaviour.

AtrociousCircumstance Tue 24-Oct-17 00:09:07

Your DP sounds unhinged. WTF? How dare he?

Make it very clear that he (your DP) has created a problem and needs to do a lot of explaining and apologising to rectify this.

Lapdog22 Tue 24-Oct-17 00:12:08

Thanks very much for posting. He is my son's friend and we have known him since he was 8 years old. My DP doesn't live with us.

I agree that friend should leave but he is homeless after another crisis at home and I can't see him on the street. We've been to the Council so hopefully he will get somewhere.

My DP just weirded me out so much by asking if I was sleeping with him. It repulses me so much. Probably more so because the friend is vulnerable at the moment and as if I would behave in such a predatory way.

Yes Hunni very attractive!! So unattractive that I am genuinely wondering if I can get over it. In my eyes DP has turned from being a decent bloke to a complete creep.

Raizel Tue 24-Oct-17 00:13:29

Maybe end it if that’s how you feel. If it’s your house at the end of the day you can have who you like to stay with you. Just out of interest you’ve been with your partner for 8 years did you guys not discuss it before your friends son moved in? The only reason I ask is that there would be no way either one of us myself or my wife who would do that without a massive discussion first.

Also I know it doesn’t excuse the way he spoke to you at all and bloody good on you for telling him where to go but is he insecure? Has he had bad break ups been cheated on in the past?

Raizel Tue 24-Oct-17 00:14:44

Sorry ignore most of my other post I think we posted at the same time lol good on you for helping him out if it’s your house you have every right to do what you want smile

DarkPeakScouter Tue 24-Oct-17 00:18:40

That is awful! And posh’s post is worse!

Jellyheadbang Tue 24-Oct-17 00:20:01

Teen homelessness is a huge hidden issue in U.K. today. Good on you for taking him in, it's cold and he's vulnerable.
I'd be very surprised if local authority help him, there more likely to give him a list of landlords/ avenues and tell him to crack on.
You might be better finding your local youth support agency and see if they can refer him to supported housing.
Your dp sounds like an immature insecure dick unless there's a weird backstory!

LoveDeathPrizes Tue 24-Oct-17 00:21:36

If there's nothing to it, then it says more about your DP than it does you.

AtrociousCircumstance Tue 24-Oct-17 00:22:05

Yes your DP has accused you of taking sexual advantage of a vulnerable person you have known since he was a child - it’s abuser territory. And that’s what your supposed partner is accusing you of.

It’s so confusing that I almost wonder if your partner is attracted to this boy, or sees him as devastatingly attractive, or a younger version of himself, or some fucked up non-reasoning weirdness like that.

Lapdog22 Tue 24-Oct-17 00:24:23

Yes Raizel definitely cross posted. You make a very good point, DP's ex-wife cheated on him a few times and he was hurt and also embarrased because she cheated on him with a few of his closest mates.

I have never been unfaithful to him and I am pretty certain he hasn't cheated on me.

Minor he hasn't said anything since I spoke to him this morning. He hasn't contacted me because I told him to eff off. I am not in a hurry to speak to him.

Its interesting that some posters are saying that we shouldn't split up over it. It would be a bit drastic, my DC like him a lot and I am great friends with his family but I honestly feel disgusted by his allegation.

I am not a prude or anything and have lived. We are in our early 50's for God's sake. He just repulsed me this morning and I still feel the same way.

Leilaniii Tue 24-Oct-17 00:24:47

Obviously ludicrous for him to think that, but what if roles were reversed? How would people feel if the DP had a young, vulnerable woman living with him?

DarkPeakScouter Tue 24-Oct-17 00:26:26

You mean, if her dh’s child had a female friend staying? I’d think nothing of it.

ReanimatedSGB Tue 24-Oct-17 00:26:38

Bin the partner off. He doesn't live with you, so he has no right of veto over who you choose to share your house with - and this is an outrageous accusation.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 24-Oct-17 00:31:23

My Mum and Dad had various waif and stray friends of mine living with them over the years. Two female and one male for a significant amount of time. I would have been horrified if anyone had thought either of my parents capable of finding them attractive.

The fact that your DP thinks you're capable needs to be explained. Because it's really worrying.

MinorRSole Tue 24-Oct-17 00:31:37

A few of his closest mates? Poor man. I think that does shed a bit of a light on his mindset. I don’t think he’s thought it through at all, just had a gut reaction through fear of betrayal.

I’m 99% certain he didn’t actually intend to imply you were/are some sort of predatory abuser. I would definitely have a firm talk when you feel ready to speak to him but he sounds like he deserves a second chance

Lapdog22 Tue 24-Oct-17 00:33:25

Jelly you are spot on, I am horrified to hear a homeless 19 year old is not entitled to priority housing. We are meeting someone this week about supported housing.

Atrocious you have hit the nail on the head and actually vocalised what I was thinking - this is abuser territory and that is exactly what repulses me. He is definitely not attracted to him but actually I remember him saying 'I know what young men are like' before I hung up.

I think I will just cut contact for a while to see if it is just the shock that is making me feel sick about what he said.

Thanks again for posting. I know it is not the most pressing problem and lots of MNs have so much more to worry about. It's serious for me because I am honestly thinking of ending it.

ReanimatedSGB Tue 24-Oct-17 00:34:13

Never let anyone get away with playing the 'my last partner was unfaithful' card as a justification for whining, tantrumming or trying to control you. You are not his last partner and unreasonable jealousy is always a good reason to dump someone.

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