Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Friends with Benefits

(11 Posts)
Notaclue12345 Mon 23-Oct-17 20:19:03

Hi all,

I have been seeing a man for a little while now, he has told me recently he doesn't want a relationship and, after a painful breakup, I find I don't want one either.

Now before he told me this we would talk daily and spend time together regularly.

He is the only one who brings up not wanting a relationship and has since pulled away.

I believe he has scared himself, I am happy with the way things are and am not asking anything more from him. Would I be wrong to bring this up? I want to remind him that he is the only one who keeps bringing it up and that he is the one who has pulled away from me. Or should I accept this is the way things are now and I will only see him every so often and am always going to be the one suggesting we meet up?

MissConductUS Mon 23-Oct-17 20:30:32

Don't chase him. If he only sees you when you bring it up he's just not that interested in you. Put your energy into finding someone who actually wants a relationship with you.

Aminuts23 Mon 23-Oct-17 20:33:27

It sounds like you’re selling the idea of a FWB situation to yourself to try to keep him in your life. I’d say let it go and move on. This has got hurt written all over it

Notaclue12345 Tue 24-Oct-17 19:18:58

I agree Missconduct, I don't want to chase anyone, Aminuts I think it does have hurt written over it but I don't want to give this up yet

Coconutspongexo Tue 24-Oct-17 19:23:14

FWB only works if you know there isn't any chance that you want something more with the other person.

It normally ends in tears though as one gets attached and the other doesn't.

LadyOfTheCanyon Tue 24-Oct-17 20:18:27

I've had relationships that started out as FWB and I've fallen for a FWB in the past and vice versa. But I've never had a FWB that remained just that.

Most people aren't built for regular casual sex with the same person. The dopamine in the brain kicks off and someone gets attached.

RedForFilth Tue 24-Oct-17 20:52:43

I'd sack him off. Fwbs work well for me and my lifestyle currently, if they get feelings I break it off as I don't want to hurt anyone. It should be easy and, most importantly, fun! This doesn't sound as if it is. Find someone who wants the same setup as you.

SparklingRaspberry Tue 24-Oct-17 21:27:36

These situations rarely work out without somebody getting hurt

to me it sounds like neither of you are convinced your feelings - free.

If you really didn't care emotionally, you wouldn't be bothered or trying to second guess why he's acting how he is. You'd take it as it is and move on to somebody else.

Walk away.

user1483964745 Tue 24-Oct-17 23:23:01

Me and my ex-partner had this exact situation.

Hed just come out of a 4 year relationship where she had cheated on him... met three weeks after.

He said he didn't want anything serious. 5 months in, we were official, two days before my bday (9 months later) he finished it... he wasn't "ready" for a relationship.

Walk away. This is more trouble than it's worth

BackInTheRoom Tue 24-Oct-17 23:27:07

User, that's harsh 😢

Coconutspongexo Wed 25-Oct-17 06:48:36

User he is a prick sorry

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: