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If you don't have a mum, who do you ask?

(44 Posts)
TedSquawks Mon 23-Oct-17 16:33:25

Not sure if this is the right topic. Apologies if not.

For reasons I won't go into here I've not had a mum since I was 12. I also don't have any female relations so no sister, aunts etc. I do have a MIL who is definitely no monster but her priority is her son and her dgs which I get but just to paint the picture.

Sometimes I feel people think once you are past a certain age you don't necessarily need a mum to ask things but increasingly I wish I did.

It's usually daft stuff like random baking questions that I feel like everyone else knows. Before anyone says it I know every mother isn't a delia smith Mary popping type!

Anyway to answer my own question I ask on here usually! Grateful I have it really. Just feel a bit sad today about it. Don't know why as I'm sitting here feeding my new baby DD and have a lovely ds and great DH.

Just wondered if anyone can relate

Tuileries Mon 23-Oct-17 16:39:18

I have this same problem. I'd quite like to speak to a mum now about what has happened to my relationship. I do have a mum, obviously, but we haven't seen each other in over 15 years and I would never talk to her about anything personal on the extremely rare occasion we have phone contact. I also wouldn't value her opinion because she has in the past been a very unpleasant woman. But it's not an opinion I'm after I guess - just some unconditional parental love.

ihatethecold Mon 23-Oct-17 16:39:40

I don’t have one either. No sisters or aunties either.
My mil is lovely but she isn’t my mum.
I’m going through an early menopause at the moment and it’s hard at times not having a Mum to get advice from.

RefuseTheLies Mon 23-Oct-17 16:42:01

I ask my best friend. Or mn. And google.

Sorry for your loss flowers I really miss my mum too - especially since becoming a mum myself.

tempstamos Mon 23-Oct-17 16:42:47

Female friends (Many of which are older), my adult DD(22) and I speak to my SiL’s and MiL.

Doesntfitthemould Mon 23-Oct-17 16:44:15

I remember being totally lost over how to potty train my son, it’s the silly things that I would ask.
I stayed in touch with her best friend and have called on her lots but nothing replaces a mums advice flowers

dorislessingscat Mon 23-Oct-17 16:46:44

Mumsnet is your friend, especially about baking.

Sorry about your situation.

Tuileries Mon 23-Oct-17 16:48:11

I don't have a best friend, a sister, an aunt or anyone like that actually. Maybe that's half my problem... confused

Fekko Mon 23-Oct-17 16:48:24

I come on here. Sometimes you get a good answer!

Lweji Mon 23-Oct-17 16:50:49

I have a mother, but I've learnt more from here than from her. smile

InDubiousBattle Mon 23-Oct-17 16:58:47

I rely on my sister quite a bit for anything child related, she's 10 years older than me and had her dc younger than me so hers are adults now.

It sounds silly but there seems to be some things you just need your mum for. When applying for a passport I rang my dad to ask about their wedding dates etc and got lots of 'erm....I'll have to look it up'. Mum would have just known. Dad also doesn't know stuff like how long I was breast fed/did mum have any problems, if I had all of my immunisations ('probably love, your mum will have sorted it'), bits of family history......I'm sure in some families the dad would know this kind of thing but apparently not in ours!

WhatHaveIFound Mon 23-Oct-17 17:05:22

I have a mother but would rather dip into a selection of friends. The person i ask depends on the question.

I have friends who are good at baking, jam/chutney making, gardening plus there's an ex. social worker, teachers and a retired nurse to call upon.

My strangest request involved emailing DD's music homework to a singer songwriter for guidance!

Notreallyarsed Mon 23-Oct-17 17:07:28

My mum died in June, and I didn’t realise just how much I leaned on her for advice or answering questions (not about cooking, she was awful at cooking grin) about things. I don’t know who to ask now.

BusterTheBulldog Mon 23-Oct-17 17:09:00

Crikey, I have a mum, but would either google, or ask a friend.

DimplesToadfoot Mon 23-Oct-17 17:14:33

I was abandoned as a baby so I literally have no family, however when I younger I adored my friends mum, she took me under her wing and has been there for me through thick and thin for the past 30 odd years, I've always said if I could choose my own mum it would be her, she's the lady I turn to , I love her to bits.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 23-Oct-17 17:15:34

I’ve never had one; really. I’d ask friends or the internet.

galadrielsring Mon 23-Oct-17 17:16:54

I have a mum but we’re very low contact.

I have a group of friends in a fb pregnancy bus who have been a godsend when it comes to silly questions.

LaContessaDiPlump Mon 23-Oct-17 17:21:38

My mum knew about history and one or two very precise topics, but bugger all on anything else. "Oh hell, I don't know" was her mantra from when I was around 10, so I learnt not to ask her anything quickly enough.

I find MN is fab for just about everything, really, and sometimes I can chat to my aunt. That's it though.

Sorry, you sound down flowers

Charley50 Mon 23-Oct-17 17:24:20

I have a mum but hardly asked her anything throughout my life, as she is slightly naive and unworldly. Apart from she's good with medical issues; well she was, but now is very elderly and getting dementia and can't answer. I've always asked friends, and now Google or Mumsnet. Or my DP.

Shayelle Mon 23-Oct-17 17:27:49

I wish I had a ‘Mum’ too. Makes me sad 😢

PinkyBlunder Mon 23-Oct-17 17:29:59

I have this problem. My Mum died over 5 years ago. I do have a pool of people to dip in to but it's not the same. It is tough. What gets me the most is when there's something that I'm trying to remember but I can't quite reach it and only my Mum would know the answer. It really is true that it isn't just the person that does, memories and history do too and that's quite hard to deal with

BernardBlacksHangover Mon 23-Oct-17 17:32:15

I have this problem. My mum died a few years ago when I was 30 (pre-dcs). I ask MN usually, or google tbh! I also chat a lot to DH about stuff.

NachoAddict Mon 23-Oct-17 17:41:58

My mum died when I was 10 so I ask here or my woek colleauges who are much older than me. We are a small team and have all workwf together for 14 years so thwy have took me under their wing.

ravenmum Mon 23-Oct-17 17:44:39

I've never asked my mum anything really. Have always relied on books, and now the internet, or just trial and error. Researched into family (wedding dates etc.) on and went through old photo albums to work out what I must have done when as a child.

Being a mum to two teenagers myself now I've gradually realised what my mum could have given me in the way of advice or help, but I can't say I even noticed it was her input missing until then.

Jellyheadbang Mon 23-Oct-17 17:45:16

I'm in the same sitch. No mum, no close female relatives. It hurts. I grieve for the mum I never had and for the grandma my kids will never have.
It is silly but I had to go into tow today and I noticed so many adult women with their own mums plus the kids all out together (half term here) and also saw lots of grandmas with the kids too. I've never had that and I miss it if that makes sense?
I have friends but it's not the same.
Sending solidarity to the motherless ones for whatever reason.

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