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Told me he wished he didn’t love me

(11 Posts)
Toastyteacakes Mon 23-Oct-17 10:50:38

Hi
I have been dating my partner for the last few months and things have been going so well. We get on , rarely fight and if we do it’s over very quickly.
Last night we met at a pub for a drink and were having a great night, we had a drink then sat cuddled up beside each other . My OH had been telling me all night how beautiful I looked and how much he loved me when suddenly he said he loved me but he wished that he didn’t . This hurt me so I told him that and he couldn’t understand why it had upset me , he kept trying to explain that he meant it as a compliment. I told him that it sounded like he wished he wasn’t with me and didn’t want to be in love with me at all which hurt because I thought things were going well between us .
Do you think this is a red flag in the relationship and him telling me his real feelings or was it just a silly phrase. I am worried now that he has just been saying these things like I love you to me but hasn’t meant them at all. He was the one was told me he loved me first and had been the one to pursue me at the beginning of the relationship so he has left me very confused ?

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Mon 23-Oct-17 11:12:20

I would take it to mean that he is absolutely head over heels and that he's possibly afraid of the strength of his own feelings. Have things been going well otherwise?

ForeverAcrossTheOcean Mon 23-Oct-17 11:19:03

It’s a hard one.

If other wise things are good, I’d bring it up again to talk about it, when you are feeling more calm and less hurt.

When DH and I first started dating I told him not to fall in love with me, because I couldn’t love him at that point in my life. The reason is that I wasn’t ready to open my heart to someone, but I enjoyed spending time with him and of course eventually I fell in love with him and told him first since I was the one who was cautious!

Toastyteacakes Mon 23-Oct-17 11:20:14

@NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5
Yes things have been going really well otherwise. We have really began to trust each other and be open with each other the last couple of weeks. I know that he didn’t meant to upset me with the comment and when I told him that it did he apologised straight away .

mapie Mon 23-Oct-17 11:20:41

I think he's telling you that his feelings for you make him feel vulnerable, and he doesn't like feeling that way.

HoHoHoHo Mon 23-Oct-17 11:21:38

It does sound a bit teen-angsty. He could just have been being clumsy with words and said the wrong thing but I would observe his behaviour to see if there are any red flags.

ravenmum Mon 23-Oct-17 11:25:35

Sounds to me like he's got strong feelings and is overwhelmed, too.

You too are obviously feeling that opening up about your feelings is making you vulnerable. He's just being more honest about it than you.

FizzyGreenWater Mon 23-Oct-17 11:42:06

Yep, I think it's a bit of a red flag. Knobbish teen angst, staring into the sunset with enigmatic comments hinting at how deeply he feels things and how misunderstood he is and how there are turmoils deep within that you could not possibly understand...

So I wouldn't put up with any of that nonsense - it sounds like you didn't, it's not romantic, just a twatty thing to say. Keep an eye out for any further drama llama stuff and pull him up on it would be my advice, and if it keeps happening, just walk away.

Toastyteacakes Mon 23-Oct-17 11:59:34

I think you are right. Opening up about how he feels is making him feel vulnerable. We have been both very honest all along about how we feel about each other so I don’t think it’s that I haven’t been honest about how I feel about him.
We spoke about it last night and he was very apologetic when he realised he had hurt me . We didn’t fight or argue over it and after we had spoken about it we had sorted things out between us. I think it was just one of those silly things that was said in good faith and I took it as meaning something different blush

XJerseyGirlX Mon 23-Oct-17 14:03:40

Agree with Ravenmum. Tbh Its the sort of clumsy phrase I would use.

LazyArseAvocado Mon 23-Oct-17 14:07:11

Sounds like he's a bit of a drama queen wink

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