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Should I report my ex to the police for historical abuse?

(22 Posts)
Woolsie Mon 23-Oct-17 09:30:55

My ex had regular violent outbursts during rows, often slapping kicking and punching me.

On one occasion my partner swung a mug at my face and another threw a heavy plate at my head. They have admitted both of these incidents but deny the others, although have admitted to being ‘aggressive’ at times.

We were together for 6 years and separated 3 years ago.

The ex in question also has a criminal record for GBH as a teenager but this was not a domestic violence incident.

We are currently going through a custody battle. All of this has been raised but as it’s not a criminal court no action has been taken.

Should I involve the police?

guineapig1 Mon 23-Oct-17 09:37:03

Are the legal proceedings concerning the child(ren)'s residence your motive for this?

Woolsie Mon 23-Oct-17 09:39:56

No, The court doesn’t seem to think it’s relevant. It’s more a matter of principle.

mapie Mon 23-Oct-17 09:45:19

Are you referring to your ex as "they" because it's a female? It's so much easier to read if you put he or she. I thought you were talking about two people at one point.

Crispbutty Mon 23-Oct-17 09:45:29

What do you want to gain from reporting it?

RedForFilth Mon 23-Oct-17 09:47:46

It's up to you but probably won't be worth the stress. I went to the police around 4 years ago having very recently been raped and beaten by my ex. All I got was "well it will be your word against his so probably won't amount to anything love".

Tuileries Mon 23-Oct-17 09:58:52

It isn't a question of 'gain' - what he/she did is a crime and the OP does not need to justify why they would want to report it.

Red I'm sorry that was your experience. That must have been awful. That is not everybody's experience of reporting these crimes to the police, though, and it shouldn't dissuade the OP from reporting it if they want to.

RedForFilth Mon 23-Oct-17 10:07:45

Tuileries I'm well aware of that thanks. Just saying the OP needs to be prepared for an undesirable outcome.

Woolsie Mon 23-Oct-17 10:29:13

Yes I'm a man. I didn't want to say as I wanted an unbiased opinion, when people see I'm a large bloke and she's a small woman they don't take it seriously.

She has recently pressed charges against an ex for violence against her and it is going to court. I know the details of the case and know that what she did to me was a lot worse yet she had suffered no consequence.

Redhound Mon 23-Oct-17 10:41:30

I am interested in this question as I never reported my ex to the police at the time, he was violent and abusive. I wondered whether I ought to 'do the right thing' and report him retrospectively, not for any gain to myself. More because I would be surprised if he did not do the same to his new partner and any subsequent partners, also otherwise the stats dont show the truth of how great a problem DV is..

RedForFilth Mon 23-Oct-17 12:18:53

Do you have any evidence at all? If not it may be difficult, I'm unsure how it would get proved? Photos of injuries or anything like that?

RedForFilth Mon 23-Oct-17 12:19:03

Do you have any evidence at all? If not it may be difficult, I'm unsure how it would get proved? Photos of injuries or anything like that?

Redhound Mon 23-Oct-17 12:46:02

In my case Red it was years ago now and I never reported nor documented the attacks. I do have a permanent injury which I guess a GP might be able to document still, but it's probably not enough proof.

Woolsie Mon 23-Oct-17 13:33:03

She confessed to the court that she was aggressive, swung a mug at my face almost breaking my nose and threw a (heavy) plate at my head.

Woolsie Mon 23-Oct-17 13:34:20

I can't help but feel if it was the other way round the police would take it more seriously.

WitchesHatRim Mon 23-Oct-17 13:34:59

Yes I would report it. Especially as she had admitted it in court.

sunshineintheclouds Mon 23-Oct-17 13:40:41

sad it is not any worse of a crime because it was a women assaulting a man.
Please report even if nothing comes from the report least you know you did all you could to prevent any further attacks on a by future partner .

MorrisZapp Mon 23-Oct-17 13:44:35

I'm no expert in the law but I'd always report, even if it's historical, in the hope that it might go on some kind of record. Then if the perp comes to police attention at some point, there is further info for them.

I don't know what the police do with unproven allegations.

hethajf Mon 23-Oct-17 13:46:54

If it will put your mind at ease and allow you to move forward with your life then yes, you should report it. Although there isn't any physical evidence, if you are willing to stand up and give evidence at court then there is a chance of a prosecution. You could also be protecting other people by reporting to the police, if she is charged then crb checks etc will allow people to know about the violent part of the person. Good luck in whatever you decide

celticmissey Mon 23-Oct-17 13:49:15

I've worked with domestic abuse victims - male and female. If you report it to the police ask specifically to see a specialist domestic abuse officer (from their public protection team) not a uniformed response officer ( as they are not specialist officers in that field). Specialist officers deal with victims of domestic abuse every day specifically so have the expertise, knowledge and skills for that specific area. You are entitled to speak to a specialist officer who can explain the process to you and you can then make an informed decision as to whether you wish to continue or not.

TammyswansonTwo Mon 23-Oct-17 13:59:35

Honestly, I doubt there'll be much they can do. It will appear as though you're trying to point score/ set her up in your custody case. Unless you have any evidence or witnesses I suspect they'll say they can't do much, but if there's any chance she could hurt you or the kids further then you should try and have it documented at least.

MoogBoov Mon 23-Oct-17 14:02:40

Yes, no question about it. Even if it doesn't go as far as court, it will always be on their file

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