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My Experiences of Sexual Abuse (Trigger Warning)

(3 Posts)
UserXRay29 Sun 22-Oct-17 11:31:06

I'm posting this because of the recently deleted thread in AIBU. I don't need any replies or anything but I've never written this down before so think it may be therapeutic to do so. I've also never told anyone before - not even my wife.

At age 5, before I started school, I was on a visit to look around the place with my parents before my first day. I needed the toilet and went into a cubicle. I was followed in by a girl/woman with red hair. I don't remember how about what happened but I do remember the person touching my penis. I was scared and didn't understand what was happening. The next thing I remember was walking back to my parents, crying. I don't remember what happened but I don't think I ever told my parents.

Flashforward a great many years, I was in a club, aged 17, when a man in his 50s sat down next to me and groped my inner thigh, asking me to come to the toilet with him. He kissed me on the lips and I hated it. I went to walk away. He followed and put his arm around me, trying to direct me to the back of the club.

Two months ago, I was at a party when someone came up behind me and stuck their hand down my pants, with the intention of sticking their finger up my anus. I pulled away violently and walked away with the perpetrator laughing with his friends behind me.

None of these events have traumatized me. But that they stick in my memory after so long goes to show that it must have affected me on some level. Thanks for reading.

BorisTrumpsLair Sun 22-Oct-17 11:48:35

I'm sorry all these things happened to you op.

I think feeling confused, minimising what happened at the time, having the experiences stay with you are all very normal reactions to sexual assault. It can take a while to process and even acknowledge to ourselves what has happened - there is a massive element of shock involved.

I do the same with the numerous sexual assaults that have happened to me too.

EasyToEatTiger Mon 23-Oct-17 23:35:29

You may find help and support from NAPAC. Have you spoken to your wife about these things? It is so important that when you have things done at you that it is absolutely not your fault. You cannot be responsible for the behaviour of anyone else but yourself. Well done for starting to articulate what has happened and I really hope you find the right support to see you throught this. The help is out there although it can be a bit of a minefield finding what you need.

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