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Why did he end the relationship?

(39 Posts)
Whitestuff22 Sun 22-Oct-17 10:11:17

Hi all. I am posting on here because I am all over the place at the moment trying to process what has happened.
I met a lovely guy about 2 months ago and we hit it off straight away. Both of us are in our 40s. He was married before but has no children. I was married before as well and have 3 kids. I was very upfront with him from the start and he knew I had kids. We had a few lovely dates and both of us seemed to enjoy every minute we spent together. He was making long term plans, was talking about introducing me to his family and friends, was sending me “Good morning” messages without fail. We were messaging throughout a day and he would call me every night and we would talk for hours. Everything seemed to be going well. I didn’t want to rush into anything and thought that we would take it slow and let the relationship develop its course. He said that he wanted to meet my children when I was ready. I thought that meeting them during half term might be a good idea and suggested that. He was very enthusiastic about this and even booked an afternoon off work to meet them. I didn’t feel that something was going wrong or there were any issues as he was very affectionate and lovely. Then suddenly I got a message from him saying that we shouldn’t be seeing each other anymore as I am not right for him long term and it wouldn’t be right for him to meet my kids. He also said he wanted to have a break and then he would want to start a family of his own.
I am so confused. Why want to meet my kids - I would have been happy to wait a bit longer. Why make long term plans (it was him making the plans , not me)? Do you thing he got cold feet thinking “I am taking on a woman with three kids”? He was telling me that he won the lottery because he met me etc. Why make me believe that we have a future and then end it like this through the text all of a sudden? I just do not understand. Is it because I have children and he doesn’t and he couldn’t cope with the reality of meeting them and being around children ? I know that he didn’t meet anybody else. He seemed to be a really genuine guy and I started to fall in love with him so it hurts like hell at the moment.
What do you think?

Dusktilldawn Sun 22-Oct-17 10:13:32

I think up have to accept what he told you i.e. you are not right for him long time and he wants his own family. It sounds like he has been honest.

Dusktilldawn Sun 22-Oct-17 10:13:49

* Long term sorry

User36367292 Sun 22-Oct-17 10:15:49

Actions always speak louder than words. He told you what you wanted to hear for his own benefit.

TwitterQueen1 Sun 22-Oct-17 10:16:23

I think it's not worth spending time trying to dissect this. You've known each other 2 months. That's no time at all. You can't get to know anyone properly in that time. He's just not that into you. Move on.

something2say Sun 22-Oct-17 10:18:27

I'm newly single and about to start dating again.....and at my age, most men have families. Negotiating why I don't have one, whose life has more meaning, whether I matured properly and all that has been hard.

You say he says he wants children of his own, well maybe being around your family and its love has made him realise he'd like that in his own right.

It's very sad for you tho and very painful. I must say, meeting the children after two months is too early. What if he had met them and then done this? Just because the man says he wants to do something doesn't mean you have to go along with it. He rushed in and then pulled back and now look. So negotiate the pace yourself next time xxxx

And there will be a next time x I'm sorry you've had this happen x

springydaffs Sun 22-Oct-17 10:18:52

What do I think? I think ugh what a bastard.

Others will come along with more experience and wisdom but I think it all happened too quickly. Booking an afternoon off work to meet your kids after only 2 months?? No no no.

You're well rid. Doesn't stop it hurting like fuck though. Dumping you by text?? Ugh. He's the one with the problem flowers

Bruceishavingfish Sun 22-Oct-17 10:20:27

He has said he wants a family of his own. Actually making definite plans may have made him realise this realtionship isnt for him.

He has been honest. It hurts now, but it was only 8 weeks. You didnt know him that well.

Next time slow it down. No meeting kids, no making future plans so quickly.

AdalindSchade Sun 22-Oct-17 10:24:46

2 months in? You've moved far too fast and developed an imaginary future with a man you don't really know.
He said he wants to have his own kids? That's been the stated reason behind 3 of my break ups in my dating career as I'm late 30s and don't want any more. It's fairly common.
2 months in is way too soon to introDuce your kids too. 6 months minimum.

Zoila15 Sun 22-Oct-17 10:46:45

Maybe you are right AdalindSchade. In hindsight, now I am thinkkng 2 months is too early to introduce the children but everything was going so well and I thought that we had such a good communication that it that was too soon for him, he would have told me.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Sun 22-Oct-17 10:47:20

So sorry to hear this happened to you. But what an ass to dump you by text. I agree with the others, 2 months is too soon to introduce the kids.

Although it hurts try not to spend too much time worrying about his motives. It sounds like he's made up his mind.

Cricrichan Sun 22-Oct-17 10:51:51

I think the reality hit and he thought that actually he does want kids but maybe not bringing other kids into it so easier to pull out now than after he's met your kids etc.

Rubbish for you but understandable. If I didn't have kids and really liked someone with kids I might have done the same.

AdalindSchade Sun 22-Oct-17 10:55:27

Have you name changed op?
You shouldn't be considering whether it's too soon for him to meet your kids - it's the children who should be considered in this. You just can't know a person after 2 months.

AlonsosLeftPinky Sun 22-Oct-17 11:21:36

He's told you why he ended it.

And 2 months is far too early to be introducing your children to somebody. It isn't about whether it's too early for him, it's about them.

wobblywonderwoman Sun 22-Oct-17 11:25:56

So so sorry. This is a horrible situation for you. flowers

I think he did like you but he realised (too late) that he wanted his own family. That may or may not happen for him.

I would be glad that he has been honest and you know this early on. He hasn't wasted too much of your time.

Learn a lesson from it and be kind you yourself.

Bruceishavingfish Sun 22-Oct-17 11:32:27

Op going by your posting history you have had quite a few months of dramatic dating.

Maybe its time you took a break. Worked on yourself or at least start taking things slower.

I dont usually look posting history. But your name change was odd

MsGameandWatching Sun 22-Oct-17 11:35:53

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/understanding-why-someone-fakes-a-future-with-you/

Have a look at this OP.

MsGameandWatching Sun 22-Oct-17 11:37:13

And yes two months in is far too soon. I think you should question why you are bonding so quickly with a man you hardly know to the point where you think you should introduce him to your kids and into your family is a good idea.

Belleoftheball8 Sun 22-Oct-17 11:43:20

Looking at your posting history aswell you seem to be up and down when it comes to the dating scene.Maybe have some time on your own enjoy yourself social with friends and you never know what might happen round the corner.

Dusktilldawn Sun 22-Oct-17 11:45:39

I wouldn't want to meet somebody's three children after only weeks of dating. Hats off to anyone who is genuinely up for that but I can't think of anything worse.

I've just looked at your history too and think you need to take a break from men! You are 'falling in love' very quickly and frequently and dating in quick succession.

Stop thinking about it being too soon for him, it's about your kids! It is too soon for him. Even more so since it's only 3 months since the last 'serious' (5 month!) relationship where your kids were involved with your boyfriend.

NurseButtercup Sun 22-Oct-17 12:07:59

Classic FutureFaker

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3015725-Future-Faking-Give-me-the-downlow-to-arm-myself?

Ragwort Sun 22-Oct-17 12:12:07

As others have said, you are moving far too fast, two months is nothing - maybe you both just got a bit carried away with initial feelings of love (or lust?) and when he really thought about it he realised that getting involved with someone with three children is just not right for him.

And why on earth are you thinking of introducing a man you have only known for two months to your children? hmm.

VelvetSpoon Sun 22-Oct-17 12:22:29

After 2 months it's not really a relationship. And roo early to meet children. I introduced mine to my bf after about 3 months but only because there was a friends wedding we were all invited to a month after that and I wanted to see if they all got on (before deciding whether or not Bf should come to the wedding and letting the bride know etc) but my DC were teenagers; we waited about 8 months til I met his DC who were much younger.

I think he broke it off because in arranging to meet your DC it made them real to him for the first time. And he probably then thought about whether he'd get on wlth them, and what if he didn't, and actually did he want to be jumping through hoops...and he didn't. Does he actually want his own kids? Maybe. But he clearly doesn't want to be involved with someone else's.

Annoyed5678 Sun 22-Oct-17 12:44:51

You can't fall in love after only knowing someone for two months or make future plans. Two months is about getting to know each other not meet your children. Next time slow it down date every so often odd text here and there

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