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Breaking up when he refuses to leave

(11 Posts)
Hannalau Sun 22-Oct-17 09:07:38

I share a lease with my partner, and am pregnant. I have decided I want to end the relationship. He hasn't done anything hugely wrong except lie to me a lot and the trust is gone. He's not abusive, he helps round the house etc.

However every time I tell him I want to break up he plugs his ears and refuses to listen, and says he isn't going to leave. So we are basically living in a house together, him carrying on as if we are in a relationship and me being cold interspersed with being annoyed. This isn't an atmosphere I want to bring a baby into.

I would leave myself, so happily, but I have stupidly already paid £6000 upfront rent to cover us until March and it would seem wasteful.

What are my options here? He has every right to stay as his name is on the lease and it's his home. Do I just put him in the spare room and refuse to engage with him? Can couples live amicably after a break up! ?

WeAreEternal Sun 22-Oct-17 09:12:22

Can you prove that the £6000 was your money and not joint money?

If you can I would go the the letting agent/landlord explain that you have split up and want the tenancy in your name only, offer to pay any fees relating to the change and then when you have the tenancy in your name have him removed from the property.

If you can’t prove the money was yours and not joint you either have to stay or leave and write it off.

MrsBertBibby Sun 22-Oct-17 09:16:54

You can't get someone's name off the tenancy in that way!

OP you are I fear stuck unless he is sufficiently abusive to enable you to get an occupation order removing him. Unless you move out yourself, of course.

Hannalau Sun 22-Oct-17 09:27:03

It actually was fully my money! But I've looked into the legalities and as PP said that doesn't make a difference because it was his income that got us the lease in the first place I think. And he does technically pay me £250 a month to cover his portion of rent.

Hannalau Sun 22-Oct-17 09:29:43

If I am indeed stuck, any ideas how I can or should act to help him see that I'm serious about breaking up? It's early days still. I no longer pack him sandwiches for work but I do sometimes have dinner with him or leave him some. I don't want to be horrible to him - it's hard enough as it is for him that his pregnant girlfriend wants out

I will put my name on the council house list in the meantime!

pog100 Sun 22-Oct-17 09:31:04

Can you enlist friends and family, preferably his, to make him see sense? Peer pressure is a very strong thing as is transparency.

Mxyzptlk Sun 22-Oct-17 09:31:37

You need to get this sorted before the baby is born.

If you can possibly afford to forget about the £6000, then do it and leave.

At least start making plans for where to go so that you can do it sometime between now and March.

Hannalau Sun 22-Oct-17 09:55:05

Good idea to speak to his family. I know from experience though they will try and persuade me to stay, and definitely won't want to see him turfed out of his home.

I wish I could afford to forget the £6000 - I'm a carer, I don't work, and it was my entire savings!

Failing everything, you're right it will keep me sane to have an action plan in place to leave. It won't be easy with my older kids and a newborn, but will be worth it. When he sees I am willing to give up our home over this he might have the decency to save me the trouble!

Bekabeech Sun 22-Oct-17 10:01:22

Stop doing anything for him. Treat him love me a flat mate. So no cooking, no washing etc. Pin a rota of chores to the fridge, a rota for use of the washing machine. Separate out the cupboards, so one for your food and another for his. Stop sharing things. And is £250 enough to cover the rent and bills? Should he pay more to support you through the pregnancy? (Certainly should afterwards.)

Bekabeech Sun 22-Oct-17 10:01:48

Love me= like

Hannalau Sun 22-Oct-17 10:32:31

That is a fantastic plan, thank you @bekabeech. Will work on separating cupboards etc while he's at work today and get him a bed set up in the spare room - he's been on the sofa.

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