Advertisement

loader

Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Blanked by FIL

(13 Posts)
bunzie Sat 21-Oct-17 22:10:41

So we had a big hindu festival yesterday and went to inlaws with dc. we wish everyone by shaking both their hands. As dc dh and I we’re last ones to get there, We went around to everyone in the room. by that time my fil was carrying one dd. I went up to him and said my wishes twice and also practically shoved my joined hands under his chin... it was a good 5 seconds. he seemed not to hear me or even notice me as was playing with my dd. I then went off and continued wishing the remaining people there. then went back to my fil said my wishes again. he didn’t reply and shoved money in my hand... money he was going to give to my children.

I then stood next to my hubby and he came over after some time to wish him and ignored me again.

We have never been close and have had issues in the past. but nothing recently. we even been to their house 3 days ago and he was laughing talking etc.

He is a religious man and always wishes people and for him to go out if his way to do this makes me so depressed and sad. He did it in front of a whole lot of people and it was so embarrassing for me to stand there... it like you wishing you fil merry christmas and he refusing to peck you on the cheek.

I just shocked at fact that someone can hate me so much... I have never been a troublemaker and don’t deserve this.

hesterton Sat 21-Oct-17 22:12:57

Could you speak to him when everyone has gone about what the problem is?

Aquamarine1029 Sat 21-Oct-17 22:27:31

Why isn't your husband addressing this disrespectful behaviour? He simply allows his father to treat his wife so poorly? Is your husband a man or a child?

bunzie Sat 21-Oct-17 22:37:17

My fil is a chauvinist... i always found him looking down on women including my late mil... my hubby is very timid and quiet person and I suspect because my fil and younger bil( who is golden child) have bullied hubby. so hubby has and never will speak up. I don’t blame him... I never confirmed to their idea of an obedient woman... i had to stand up for myself and my family... one reason he doesn’t like me... but its been years and this is an underlying issue... nothing new... so i am just shocked at his behaviour... because I know he hates me... didn’t think he could hate me anymore smile

bunzie Sat 21-Oct-17 22:41:23

I know I will get over it...but it took me by surprise. the thing is there are my dc involved... i know fil cares for them but I feel how can I allow my dc to meet these people who hate me. There is no doubt in my mind fil will try and turn my kids against me. I’ve decided not to attend family gatherings anymore... just let dh and dc attend... as he has actually paved the way for me to do this as several people saw what he did.

user1471449805 Sat 21-Oct-17 22:53:16

If DH is unwilling to stand up to his father for you, why would he protect your children?

NotTheFordType Sat 21-Oct-17 22:58:05

That is really hurtful, I'm sorry.

Did you convert to marry your DH or are you Hindu by birth? Wondering if there's some "outsider syndrome" going on along with the chauvinism?

So your DH is the scapegoat of the family by the sounds of things - do you think he's ready to start challenging that role and valuing himself by standing up to his dad and brother?

NotTheFordType Sat 21-Oct-17 23:00:11

Happy Diwali by the way smile

flumpybear Sat 21-Oct-17 23:07:52

He is in the wrong not you - dies his god say it’s ok to outcast people for no reason?
I’m not religious, but I’d be so ashamed of myself if s loved one for this type of behaviour - completely unacceptable!

bunzie Sat 21-Oct-17 23:10:46

Thanks Nord... no I am hindu by birth but not very religious.

inlectorecumbit Sat 21-Oct-17 23:12:50

Do not send your DC's with your DH to visit this man. If your husband has been treated as you describe and is quite timid l really can't see him standing up for your DC's.
Let your DH go on his own, the DC's stay with you. I am sure anyone who witnessed his treatment of you will know exactly the reason why.

Happy Diwali flowers

bunzie Sat 21-Oct-17 23:21:04

Fil not keen on seeing dh... once twice dh attended without dc... and all they did was keep asking him bout not bringing dc along. My dc are fond of their grand dad... my parents don’t live in the country... I can’t keep them apart... just will limit visit to 2 hours or so. Never know once there are new grandchildren in the family, fil may turn on my dc... and the fondness fizzles out naturally.

inlectorecumbit Sat 21-Oct-17 23:25:26

You can keep them apart if you want too. There is no can't only won't but that's up to you.
There is no doubt in my mind fil will try and turn my kids against me.
so why give him the chance to do this?
It sounds as if both you and your DH would be better off staying away from FIL

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now