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What would you think about this situation, ongoing.....

(10 Posts)
flowerdaisy Sat 21-Oct-17 20:52:20

So we go on three weeks holiday. DP is a total arse. Nothing pleased him, nothing. I couldn't get him to get up off his backside to go for a walk, visit anything, nothing. He slept most of the afternoons. So I went off myself.

Then I realised that he had no meds with him, ADs and blood pressure tabs. When I asked him he said he thought he didn't need them as the sunshine would sort out his mood and he forgot to get his BP pills before coming away. WTAF!

Anyway got it sorted and filled the script locally.

But honestly it was a total nightmare. Nothing was right. I was treated very badly IMO, no violence or anything but it doesn't have to be physical either!

Got so bad that I just left him to it and went off on my own.

Major strop in the airport on the return too, was very embarrassing for me.

Anyway, when we got back I said we should separate for a while as "you are not well and will do nothing to help yourself". So we are apart right now. I feel fine. Of course he feels he did nothing wrong AT ALL!

But, got a wedding coming up. I don't know what to do. I phoned him this evening about something else that he needs to know about and while he said he is fine, he was very distant and sounded a bit out of it, although I know he doesn't partake of anything other than a pint now and then. Honestly I know this.

Sorry I am a bit all over the place, missing him like crazy but until he gets his shit together I am out. Sorry for rambling, just needed to say it out loud to myself. Am so sad.

I am not concerned if people read and run. It's just another honest post. I don't know what I am asking either. I am a bit all over the shop.

Whisky2014 Sat 21-Oct-17 20:55:10

To me it sounds like he doesn't care about your relationship. I mean, since separating has he been begging you to go back or what?

LIZS Sat 21-Oct-17 20:55:19

Sometimes people can't/won't help themselves, and there is little you can do to help them face it. He is an otherwise competent adult presumably. How long have you been together?

flowerdaisy Sat 21-Oct-17 21:08:16


No, but then neither have I! He is very by the book and an agreement is just that....

flowerdaisy Sat 21-Oct-17 21:11:37


We have been together for many many years. So we know each other very well. I think he has SAD. Every time we go away in Autumn it is a similar thing, but this was the worst I have ever seen. Even though he is on ADs in a general sense. Maybe needs a top up coming into Winter or something I dunno. I have seen it often.

But maybe he just wants to do his own thing without me. If that is the case why all the drama, just say it. I would be heartbroken either way anyway.

Whisky2014 Sat 21-Oct-17 21:12:19

Yeh but you were the one to suggest the separation to normally it's the other person who makes it clear they want to stay together!

BackInTheRoom Sat 21-Oct-17 21:13:37

Hmmm, either his rationale was incorrect or else he forgot them but decided to lie because he felt stupid? My understanding about AD's is that they build up in your system so theoretically they take time to deplete in the body? (I'm not a dr!) So, he *might have been using the lack of meds as an excuse to be utterly lazy and cranky?

BackInTheRoom Sat 21-Oct-17 21:15:23

Maybe he needs to check out his Vit D level?

flowerdaisy Sat 21-Oct-17 21:17:49


Yes I understand where you are coming from.

I am concerned that depression has taken over here. I had no idea that he stopped taking his ADs prior to our holiday until I found out. And he was very annoyed that I did find out.

Although he managed to get the meds abroad ok, I have no idea if he took them or not.

Underlying depression always concerned me as there would be a flare up now and again, but nothing like this!

And I take your point, if he desperately wanted me back he would ask. I suppose I am using the depression as a reason that he hasn't. Says she clutching at a few straws now.

Thanks for your honesty.

flowerdaisy Sat 21-Oct-17 21:31:29


When I saw the change in mood a couple of days in, I asked if he had taken the ADs. Then it all came out. Whether by accident or design I don't know, but that's what happened.

And it led to a disaster of a holiday that we had both been looking forward to for ages.

Anyway. There we are for now I suppose.

The wedding I mentioned in OP is late November. My family side and they get on great with him.

I won't know how to say we are no longer together or whatever. It is so awful. But I live in hope that he might get his head together, but I am not too hopeful now really.

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