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need some advice

(15 Posts)
ecjamielee Sat 21-Oct-17 20:42:19

Not sure what to do

My partner has recently moved onto days from working night shifts and his behavior has started to change he wants to eat healthy go jogging lose weight which is great. However he wants to jog with a female friend from work as she feels uncomfortable on her own. This woman he texts constantly sometimes till 2am in the morning they share rather personal stuff and he leans on her emotionally. They had a great laugh at my expense over me thinking he was emotionally cheating apparently he had to tell her all about it as i was damaging her reputation. She often gives him lifts home and they chat outside for up to an hour. Ive told him i am uncomfortable with there friendship outside of work. He thinks im being paranoid says there's nothing going on and that if i have a problem i should just leave

We ended up in a massive argument over it. Told me he cant and wont choose between us but he will make an effort to go out less with her he says they always jog with other people.. hes never jogged in his life and there out for like four hours

being slightly paranoid i checked his discord and found a lot of flirty messages with a online friend he has known for over five years. telling her he wishes he was in bed with her. that he bets shes really sexy under her clothes etc etc. she only ever responds with emoticons there on voice chat for hours all the time

confronted him about it a lot of crying and groveling apparently he leans on the friend from work as i never listen to him im dismissive and he needs someone to talk to his sister and partner moved in while relocating and it has gone very badly. The online flirting he says is because he always thought i was cheating on him and that our son wasn't his and it made him feel good!! it was all just banter and a joke

we have been together 12 years since we were at school we have one child together i feel so betrayed like our whole relationship was built on a lie.
we have had some rough patches regarding my controlling behavior with finances etc but Ive been to counseling and things have greatly improved we seemed to be very happy and things were going so well

Not sure what to expect or what to advice to ask. unsure if i should leave or try to work through the problems. I don't think hes ever cheated on me and i do feel partly to blame i love him so much

Jellyheadbang Sat 21-Oct-17 21:01:05

He's cheating. Fuck him off.

SirGawain Sat 21-Oct-17 21:08:19

Even if he's not actually cheating he is treating you with contempt.

SandyY2K Sat 21-Oct-17 21:12:56

I'd end it personally. He's slagging you off and flirty with an other woman.

He doesn't sound like he's bothered whether you stay or go.

He seems keen to impress anyone but you.

choccybiscuit Sat 21-Oct-17 21:22:06

Get rid. End of.

Hangryhangryhrmm Sat 21-Oct-17 21:28:01

oh no, that's so disrespectful.

The whole relationship/friendship with the colleague sounds inappropriate and pretty insulting actually.. being so close under your nose and then mocking you almost as if you're being unreasonable.. which you are not!

I would have a word with the colleague tbh, would be interested in how she feels about sitting outside my house for hours, giggling and jogging with my DP for 4 hours at a time??

The chatroom stuff is unacceptable, sorry. I couldn't stand for it.

SandyY2K Sat 21-Oct-17 21:29:24

Hmmmm let's see.....

This woman he texts constantly sometimes till 2am in the morning they share rather personal stuff and he leans on her emotionally

They had a great laugh at my expense

they chat outside for up to an hour.

hes never jogged in his life and there out for like four hours

found a lot of flirty messages with a online friend he has known for over five years. telling her he wishes he was in bed with her. that he bets shes really sexy under her clothes etc etc

The online flirting he says is because he always thought i was cheating on him and that our son wasn't his

He's not taking resresponsibility for his behaviour. Instead he says he thought you were cheating. Did he ever say this to you?
Did he tell you he thought your son wasn't his?

I see a load of excuses from him

and it made him feel good!!

Immature nonsense.

I find when couples have been together from a young age, they do this kind of thing.

It's a matter of time before things go downhill and he cheats...whether you find out about it, is another question.

i do feel partly to blame i love him so much

Why do you feel partly to blame? What for specifically?

... It seems you are more invested in the relationship and he knows it.

"He who cares the least, has the most power"

That's him at the moment.

AnyFucker Sat 21-Oct-17 21:31:16

Get some self respect and tell him to fuck off

SpinnerDryer Sat 21-Oct-17 21:31:27

Tell him to jog on.....permanently.

Aquamarine1029 Sat 21-Oct-17 22:20:53

He's cheating on you. You know he is cheating. Tell him to fuck off.

RubbishMum82 Sat 21-Oct-17 22:53:32

Bastard.

Viviene Sat 21-Oct-17 23:01:50

Nobody can job god four hours if they have not jogged before. It takes months to get to that level!

Back to the point of your post, he is cheating.

rocky4 Sun 22-Oct-17 00:09:30

I’m sorry to say but 100% cheating. 4 hour jogs?! Yeah ok. Don’t let him turn it around on you blaming you for not ‘being there’ for him or some shit. I am sorry this has happened to you.

Mrskeats Sun 22-Oct-17 00:16:31

He doesn’t get to choose between you like he’s the prize. You choose to end the relationship because he’s cheating and treating you appallingly.

Hairgician Sun 22-Oct-17 07:38:15

Fuck him off. Pronto. Making a total fool out of you. 4 hours jogging as a beginner?? Not a fucking chance.
Don't listen to his excuses. That's all they are. You aren't to blame here. He is. Hes a cock. If he really loved and cared for you this wouldn't be happening. Hes probably thinking you won't leave so he can do what he likes. Don't be that woman.

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