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What is happened to me?

(14 Posts)
BlankSpace1 Sat 21-Oct-17 20:01:58

I don’t know what is going on in my relationship, been with my partner for almost 4 years and have 2 lovely children. We’re younger parents and it can be very overwhelming (I’m 22, he’s 21) but I feel like I shouldn’t be feeling like this?
I have no urge for intimacy at all, don’t even want to hold hands or kiss, I could easily go days without even touching and not be phased or even notice.
Inevitably, it’s affecting our relationship,
I don’t know what to do, I don’t know if it’s cus I’m ill or busy! I work, go full time uni and have the children, he is also a full time student.. I have a range of mental health issues and I’m stressed a lot cus I literally don’t stop!
But I want us to still be us! I used to have a decent sex drive, want to have a cuddle or snuggle up together, but all I want is to be left to get on with what needs doing.
I know I’m having a huge impact on us but don’t know what to do!

Oneggshellsallthetime Mon 23-Oct-17 11:38:13

Have you spoken to your partner about how you're feeling? It sounds, based on the information given that you might always be putting 'getting things done' before making time for yourselves as a couple. With young children it is easy to feel overwhelmed, whatever your age.

Do you and your partner share the workload in the home - meal prep, cleaning, childcare, bill paying, and so on? Do you have any other support from family or friends in real life?

You sound overwhelmed but also driven to get stuff done and maybe can't see the wood for the trees to find time to work out what to do to perhaps think about your situation calmly and look for ways for you both to work together to improve your situation. It is possible you are anxious and stressed and at this time need emotional support in the form of a cuddle for reassurance, and maybe time by yourselves when you don't feel all the pressure to do it all. I know when I'm stressed or not feeling supported my desire for sex goes into hibernation. So your lack of desire for sex sounds quite usual based on your OP. I'm sure others on here will say the same and give you advice. In the meantime, try to find some time for yourself - I find a long bath helps me as it's warm and soothing.

CoyoteCafe Mon 23-Oct-17 12:28:46

How old are your children? When I had a baby who was breastfeeding as well as a toddler I got very touched out and didn’t want to be touched, but those feelings went away when the children were just a bit bigger. It was a phase of parenting.

BlankSpace1 Mon 23-Oct-17 12:54:54

I have spoken about it yeah, it’s been difficult cus I know he is trying to not mention it for my benefit and hide how he may be feeling but I know that he feels like it’s him, even though it’s not.

We do share most things I think, meals can be hard, our children are 1 and 3 so if the 3 year old is at nursery I don’t have much energy to cook, I will just make sure the children are fed over ourselves and he’s pretty much like that too, as for tidying he actually had ocd so he will always be cleaning up, of course I do a lot too but not to his high standard haha,
I’m the worker at the moment cus there is simply no time for us to both work with us both in full time education and I love my job, but bills are usually okay,

Time for ourselves is mostly impossible, we get some time every now and then when it’s a uni and we both have a gap and children are at childcare, or at bedtime but I’m usually just tired or go gym, I think I must be exhausted.
I just want to want to do it even sometimes, but I have no interest whatsoever!

TammyswansonTwo Mon 23-Oct-17 15:27:38

It's taken me 13 months to get my sex drive back since my twins were born - it's not uncommon. I was pumping until 7 months and had taken 5-6 months of normal cycles for things to sort themselves out. When I have no drive and am exhausted I don't want any intimacy either. You're not alone in this!

Nandoshoes Mon 23-Oct-17 19:28:40

Tbh I am the same but I don't even have kids. It's quiet upsetting. I don't know what we can do but your not alone.

BlankSpace1 Mon 23-Oct-17 19:44:14

It’s so horrible 😔
I have so many issues too in that area, went to hospital today cus I have constant thrush which probably isn’t thrush but doctors gave me the same answer and treatment for years,
I’ve also been having some discomfort during sex, I don’t know if it’s now psychological or if it’s just me, I think it must be a combination but it’s awful!
My partner feels like it’s him of course, even though he knows it’s not personal it must make him feel bad, then I feel bad for making him feel bad, goodness it’s such a mess!

Nandoshoes Mon 23-Oct-17 20:12:12

Maybe look at your diet for thrush. Do you use tampons ? Bubble bath. ?

Do they give you the oral tablet or the vag one. Sorry don't know proper name ha

I had a spell of having it for a few months on and off would treat would return etc.

BlankSpace1 Mon 23-Oct-17 20:24:04

I did use tampons but had up from bleeding for mo the from contraception (which is still ongoing 😭 they want me to coil but I’m terrified)
I have done all the tricks, no bubble bath, clothing, lubes, I avoid everything!
Both the pessary treatment and the oral don’t touch me, but I’m optimistic about these results that I get a breakthrough.
I just want to want to have sex with my wonderful partner!
It’s so frustrating not being frustrated 😅

EmeraldIsle100 Mon 23-Oct-17 22:22:13

You are one busy woman! It really is no wonder that you are not feeling like sex. I felt like that for a while after the birth of my two who were 2 years apart. It is a lot more common than you think. I hope you can get the thrush sorted out.

If you are on medication for anxiety check that the meds are not causing low libido which again is extremely common.

Keep communicating with your partner to maintain closeness.

Best wishes to you, I really admire you. Remember though you are not invincible and you need some down time.

keeponworking Mon 23-Oct-17 22:27:49

OP you need to get a swab take the next time you have a bout of thrush as the over the counter typical creams etc are for one particular type but if you have a slightly different variety, those meds won't work (or at least that's my understanding). Also, if you DO have sex (condomless) your other half would need to get the thrush treatment too.

BlankSpace1 Tue 24-Oct-17 06:26:11

Really? It must be more common than I thought then, did it just come back over night for you? Or was it more over time..

Thank you, I suppose I am rather determined to be juggling so much, i just want to be sure to achieve my education for the benefit of us all, since everyone seemed convinced I’d basically ended my life!!

And thankfully that’s what he woman at the hospital said too, she took a swab to see that if it is thrush, what type it is.. but I suffer so badly she things there is a deeper root cause, either way hopefully it will start being sorted out now!


category12 Tue 24-Oct-17 06:41:34

Have you been checked for StIs?

BlankSpace1 Tue 24-Oct-17 06:51:18

I’ve had endless checks and blood tests, I’m clear for everything so no idea!

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