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Close friend oddness - WWYD?

6 replies

BookyBook · 21/10/2017 09:36

I'm interested in advice on what you would do in this situation.

Have a close friend, let's call him Dave. He's one of my best friends, we speak most days about a range of things, and are very open with each other and see each other often. When I was single I told him I'd developed feelings but nothing happened - I didn't know at the time he'd started seeing someone else (was a couple of dates in), and tbh don't know if he ever saw me as relationship potential anyway. I asked for a bit of space to work through my feelings (he said take the time you need and the door is always open), which I did, ended up getting back together with a significant ex, and got back in touch with Dave to say the feelings were gone, and we became friends again. DP knows the history and is fine. I also enjoy the friendship much more than I did before as well given the boundaries are clear for me.

A few weeks ago his other relationship ended (he was really sad about it), and I have been hearing from him much more often - almost more than I did back when I was single, and he has initiated more one on one time. We went out drinking last night in a group though and, for the first time in our entire friendship, he was more physically demonstrative than usual - nothing seedy, but patting me on the head, lightly touching my arm sort of thing, going in for hugs, and spontaneously kissing me on the check which has never happened before. We'd always maintained a really strong no-touch barrier before, so it was out of character. But, later on, he left me completely alone while he went off to hit on a girl in a bar, which has also never happened before.

Would you ask what's going on? It's confusing. I want to stay close friends etc but it's been playing on my mind.

OP posts:

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SuzukiLi · 21/10/2017 09:38

I think he's probably just a bit all over the place after coming out of a relationship.

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SeaCabbage · 21/10/2017 10:34

Yeah maybe coming out of the relationship he is feeling comforted knowing that you like him but he is still interested in other people.

Do you still like him as more than friends?

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splendidisolation · 21/10/2017 10:42

As others have said hes just going wobbly after his break up, feeling insecure, probably feeling really touched you've been there for him.

I would examine your own reactions more than his tbh

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userxx · 21/10/2017 10:59

As others have said he sounds a bit all over the place, but if you've never been touchy with each other I can understand why you are a bit freaked out. This is definitely about him and his emotions at the moment.

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Aquamarine1029 · 21/10/2017 15:47

He's rebounding. Quite hard, it seems. I think you should create a little distance while he gets his head sorted out.

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BookyBook · 22/10/2017 08:25

Thanks everyone! I saw him today and it was more normal so mind at rest. He's very kind to me, but there is no 'spark'.

Sea maybe you're right. I probably care more than I do most friends, but wouldn't call them feelings as such if that makes sense?

Splendid that's a good point. I should possibly ask myself why I posted this thread at all