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Am I paranoid

(16 Posts)
Sunnydays78 Sat 21-Oct-17 09:02:17

Hi im just new on here. Im in a fairly new relationship and he has a female friend that he talks to quite a bit. Over the course of our relationship he has spoken about her a lot and I know they message each other. He says things like "we get on so great, she's a really great person etc" Shes married and has a child who has a few issues and he is supporting her with it he says. I spoke to him about it and he said they're just friends and he's supporting her through a tricky time. She tells him her marriage is really bad and how hopeless her husband is, he always says it's such a shame for her. The thing that bothers me is he said right at the start of our relationship he had got to close to a female friend a few years back and they distanced themselves from each other. I really feel this isn't a normal platonic relationship due to this fact. I don't want to come across as a crazy woman but I feel like he has this whole other emotional relationship with her but I might be wrong. I know he doesn't actually see her it's all via tx really. What do you think?

Jason118 Sat 21-Oct-17 09:08:08

So he's open with you and you are questioning his motives? Unless he is choosing her over you for things or his friendship is getting in the way of your relationship, I don't see the problem, apart from a little jealousy on your part? What do you expect from him?

bellalou1234 Sat 21-Oct-17 09:11:07

It's a difficult one and I don't blame you being paranoid. My dp has a female friend spoke most days, went out, shopping coffees ect, I always had a gut feeling things had been more than platonic and I was right. Not saying this is your dp, but follow your instinct

Sunnydays78 Sat 21-Oct-17 09:13:12

The trouble is hes not open with me. He doesn't talk about her at all now that I've mentioned it. I feel she really leans on him emotionally. He has other female friends that I have absolutely no issue with at all. I really don't know what I expect, all I know is I feel uneasy about it.

TheNaze73 Sat 21-Oct-17 09:15:19

What you question this if the friend was male?

Sunnydays78 Sat 21-Oct-17 09:17:06

If he said he had got "a bit too close" a few years ago. Definitely!

EverythingEverywhere1234 Sat 21-Oct-17 09:20:38

Hmm. There's not really anything which I could put my finger on and say that was why this makes me feel uneasy, but it does. I know he's being open and that but it all just seems a bit suss. Overly emotionally close while she slags off her husband to him, and he says himself in the past they got too close and had to enforce some distance. Nah, I wouldn't be too impressed to be honest but seeing as it's a new relationship, I think I'd probably just get and leave them to it.

Sunnydays78 Sat 21-Oct-17 09:25:26

When I first brought it up he told me he just speaks about her daughter with her, reassuring her. There's is a good reason he is doing this part of it and I totally understand it. However, I know that's not all they talk about because of different things he's mentioned about her. It would be insane to think it's their only topic of conversation. I think the fact he's lying about that sort of thing makes me even more suss!

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 21-Oct-17 09:43:17

I think your concerns are valid ones.

This man probably sees himself as a father confessor/rescuer/knight in shining armour figure combination to this lady who after all married someone else. Why are they talking to each other at all; this is because both of them get some needs met out of this emotional affair type situation by text. Its not physically cheating (yet) but these two are blocking out their respective partners at their expense. He is patently not the person she should be talking to at all about her marriage; they are both treading on dangerous ground here and he is not a friend to her marriage. This person has also done this behaviour before with another woman which says an awful lot about him as well.

I would end your relationship with this man before you get even more over invested and or hurt. You are not the sole focus of his affections and he is over investing in someone else.

Sunnydays78 Sat 21-Oct-17 09:46:53

Thanks for making me feel like i'm not insane. He hasn't done this with anyone else, it was her he got too close too. Which makes matters worse!

NewLove Sat 21-Oct-17 10:00:37

I've been there - he left me for her

Santawontbelong Sat 21-Oct-17 10:07:02

Suggest lunch all 3 of you. . If he has nothing to hide it won't be a problem and you may get a feel of the truth. . If he won't then I would take that as your answer and leave them to it. . Ltb.

Sunnydays78 Sat 21-Oct-17 10:14:11

I was thinking that but feel a bit awkward due to the fact I've voiced my opinion

Santawontbelong Sat 21-Oct-17 10:18:49

Better a bit awkward than being a mug. .

WeeMcBeastie Sat 21-Oct-17 10:21:28

I’ve been there too, several times with EXH. Each time my instinct was correct. As it’s a new relationship, I would get out too.

Sunnydays78 Sat 21-Oct-17 10:23:16

Ok that's my plan. I'll suggest it, I'll know with how they act I think

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