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A hand hold please

(9 Posts)
lastqueenofscotland Sat 21-Oct-17 08:32:20

I think I need to leave my DP
He is a lovely, kind, generous man but I don't love him any more. He is self employed and completely tied to the business. We've been together three years and I'm just getting more and more and more resentful of it, we were on holiday recently and as there was wifi in a cafe he spent literally all the time we were having lunch on his phone doing emails having promised me he'd leave it to one of the two other partners or four staff unless it was urgent (it was not urgent).
It's literally all he ever talks about and I more and more find myself snapping that I don't care blush. I do try to take an interest, even help out, I've even taken annual leave from my job to come and help with bits of the business.
I don't want to have children with him because I fear that they will be second fiddle to the business, and I will do all the work as he will not cut down on travelling etc.
I feel like I've been putting it off because of the holiday, because there's four months left to run on the contract for our rented house, because it's his mums birthday soon, because it's Xmas not long after that etc.
Most of my friends adore him and I know I would lose two very good friends if I did leave him as they knew him longer and would probably take his side. Please someone reassure me this will be ok sad

Aquamarine1029 Sat 21-Oct-17 08:37:36

It will be more than ok. You say he's kind and generous, but it doesn't seem that he's like that with you. Being generous with material things loses it's shine when he refuses to be generous with his time or attention. This resentment will only grow. It's time to move on.

Jason118 Sat 21-Oct-17 09:04:40

Before you jump ship, is he aware of how you feel about all this? If he knows how you feel and won't / can't change then it's time to go. A conversation with him will probably confirm it either way.

lastqueenofscotland Sat 21-Oct-17 09:26:06

He is aware
I've also asked for you know meals out etc where we don't talk about the bloody business and he can't stick to it, and if it's not the business it's the industry.

BackInTheRoom Sat 21-Oct-17 13:38:01

Do more things together then you'll be able look back and talk about what you did together rather than the business.

BackInTheRoom Sat 21-Oct-17 13:39:47

Do this together!

https://www.gottman.com/how-well-do-you-know-your-partner/

BackInTheRoom Sat 21-Oct-17 13:41:16

Flip the quiz and turn them into questions to ask him?

inlectorecumbit Sat 21-Oct-17 17:15:26

Have you actually sat him down and told him how his behaviour is destroying your relationship and how close you are to walking away?

If not perhaps you should and give him the chance to change his behaviour.
If you have had the conversation he obviously can't or won't believe you are serious then you would be wise to walk away.

Annoyed5678 Sat 21-Oct-17 17:45:44

I think you should sit him down and tell him how you feel again, give him a chance go out for a meal if he brings up work give him a gentle reminder that your on a date don't want to talk about it. You say he's kind and generous has a good work ethic, maybe he's worried if he doesn't keep on top of the business something will fail, ask him why he is always talking about it? Passionate about the industry or worried? If you don't tell him how far down the path of leaving him you are how can he possibly try to fix this

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