So, Im pretty convinced I have this issue and I am trying to get pregnant at the moment (am 39 and had a missed miscarriage end august at 10 weeks) and am so petrified of having a girl and fucking her life up.
I've always struggled with female friendships, ever since I was small. I think it comes from the fact that my mother had trouble bonding with me when I was a child and I know she struggled as her mother was an alcoholic and basically slept around all over the place and left when my mum was 8. I'm pretty sure she never saw her again after that.
She had a stepmother (who I always thought was my real grandma until I was about 21!) and things were ok but she and my grandad went on to have a kid of their own (my mum had a sister who was also daughter of alcoholic grandma and she is weird) so think my mum always felt shoved out.
My mum doesn't have any close female friendships and never really has had. In fact, she slags off those she is supposed to be friends with quite a lot, one in particular.
I don't blame my mum. She had severe depression and when I was about 11 she just used to lie on the sofa all day. She has overcome a lot though and has 2 degrees, one of which she studied for when my brother and I were small, just before the depression hit.
Recently (I think it's because we are now trying for a family), I've been thinking a lot about a lot of things and I've realised I have massively struggled with female relationships throughout my life. I don't think I'm very liked by other women and I'm not entirely sure why. I don't think it's a jealousy thing (I'm not much to look at) and I just don't know what to do.
I have 2 girls I am good friends with - but we don't see each other than often due to one's work commitments and the other spends a lot of time with her OH and has just bought a house which needs gutting so is spending lots of time doing that. They are, I guess, more "blokey" than other girls which is maybe why I get on with them.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just not fun enough, but I just can't seem to have close friendships with women.
I'm petrified of having a daughter and her ending up the same way. What do I do? I do want to have close female friendships.
I am guessing I have very low self esteem too
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Relationships
problems forming female friendships
5 replies
coastalchick · 21/10/2017 08:20
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