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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

EXH upsetting daughters.

20 replies

WeeMcBeastie · 20/10/2017 18:01

I just wanted some advice on how to deal with an issue involving my EXH. He has recently got married (to the OW) DD’s (18 and 17) didn’t go to the wedding because they don’t approve for many reasons. They haven’t even met her despite the fact that they only live round the corner and he’s a shite father in general. Since the wedding he has been posting smug photos on social media with hashtags such as ‘new life’, ‘happier than I’ve ever been’ etc. He even logged into their Netflix account (which he never uses) and changed the profile of his icon to a wedding picture. Who even changes their pic on Netflix?
So the girls have understandably been upset by this and I really want to say something but not sure whether to bother. Surely he should be showing a bit more sensitivity and empathy towards his daughters’ feelings? What a total twat!

OP posts:

Report

Msqueen33 · 20/10/2017 18:04

I'd leave him to it. Your girls probably have the measure of him by now and will probably cut him off. What a twat! Your poor girls.

WeeMcBeastie · 20/10/2017 18:05

Forgot to add that it’s only been 2 years since we separated and 1 year since the divorce so DDs are still coping with all of that. He was abusive, that’s one of the main reasons I divorced him so it’s unlikely that he’ll listen to a word I say anyway!

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WeeMcBeastie · 20/10/2017 18:14

@Msqueen33 They do! It just annoys me so much because they deserve so much better! It’s definitely his loss. I’m glad they didn’t go to the wedding, apparently the duration of their affair was revealed by the best man during his speech - in front of all of his family who knew exactly when we split up! I’ve never met the best man (EXH can’t keep friends so this was someone he’s met through OW) so can’t say whether he knew or not. He’s also moving in with OW, her mother and grandmother... plus her father when he gets out of prison! He’s doing 14 years for child abuse!!!

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Angelf1sh · 20/10/2017 18:16

I would definitely leave him to it, he’s doing an excellent job of cutting himself out of their lives so why try and stop him??! They’re basically adults now so they can decide whether to stay in contact, you don’t have to try to facilitate a relationship/try to keep the peace between them anymore.

When you say “their Netflix account” do you mean your daughters’ or your ex/ow’s? If you mean the former then I’d suggest they change their password, if it’s the latter then it’s really up to your ex and you can’t really demand he changes it anyway.

AnyFucker · 20/10/2017 18:19

Keep out of it

He is hanging himself and your daughters sound much more mature than he is

WeeMcBeastie · 20/10/2017 18:24

It’s a Netflix account that he created for the girls (and still pays for) when we were still together. He doesn’t use it but has the login details and won’t give them to the DDs so they can’t change the password. To my knowledge, he doesn’t use it so he has actively logged in to change this.

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AnyFucker · 20/10/2017 18:27

Get a new Netflix account

housewifedesperate · 20/10/2017 18:29

Yep, your situation sounds very similar, unfortunately to ours.
These men are so wrapped up in their ‘new’ lives, they don’t give a damn about their children or anyone really. Best to leave him to it, there’s nothing you can do anyway except ignore, ignore, ignore.

WeeMcBeastie · 20/10/2017 18:31

@AnyFucker I’ve got an account so I’ll add them to that. My youngest DD uses mine anyway. I think my oldest DD just doesn’t want to lose her favourites etc but small price to pay I suppose!

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AnyFucker · 20/10/2017 18:33

Indeed.

Your daughters will be fine. They have you.

NotTheFordType · 20/10/2017 18:33

Ugh what a massive bellend.

Can you afford to buy them a new Netflix account? It's about £7 a month. Then they won't have to see evidence of him being a fucking twat.

Similarly, can they unfollow him on Twitter/FB/Instagram? They really don't need this negativity in their lives right now.

NotTheFordType · 20/10/2017 18:34

x-post. Glad you have a solution for Netflix which is my life

Bekabeech · 20/10/2017 18:37

And if he is going to move a child abuser in then the less your DDs have to do with him and he better. Cutting him off now rather than when they or their friends may get have children.

WeeMcBeastie · 20/10/2017 18:38

@NotTheFordType I’ve suggested that they unfollow him on social media but the last time oldest DD threatened this he tried to make her feel bad about it. She told him his posts were insensitive and his reply was ‘but I’m in love’ WTF? Is he 13?

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NotTheFordType · 20/10/2017 18:41

Well, they don't have to tell him they've unfollowed, do they? they can just quietly do so. If it's FB they just have to click "unfollow" on his posts. He won't know.

They could also set up new accounts for whichever social media platforms they're on, send all their real friends a message saying "I'm having to set up a new account for various reasons" and just tell their dad they have closed their account down as it's lame/boring/distracting.

WeeMcBeastie · 20/10/2017 18:44

@bekabeech
I totally agree. Oldest DD mentioned the fact that she wouldn’t be able to visit him in that house if she had children in the future. He told her that she didn’t understand and that this guy was ‘innocent’. Of course he is! That’s why he was given 14 years and there were at least 5 victims and several witnesses! He abused children, including his own niece and raped a woman! EXH has never met this guy either so couldn’t possibly comment on whether he is guilty or not! Honestly, my only regret is that I ever married EXH at all!

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WeeMcBeastie · 20/10/2017 18:45

@NotTheFordType
That’s a good idea, I didn’t think of that. I’ll suggest it to them later.

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LadyWire · 20/10/2017 18:49

Urgh. My DD is 18 and went NC with her father just over a year ago. She also unfollowed him (and blocked him) on social media as well as blocking his number on her phone. If they want to do it then they need to do it.

Tbh my ex isn't half as twattish as yours sounds and I'm hoping she'll reconsider at some point (even though he's decided it's all my fault).

AnyFucker · 20/10/2017 19:13

Good advice from Ford and Lady. Do that.

NotTheFordType · 20/10/2017 19:13

He told her that she didn’t understand and that this guy was ‘innocent’. Of course he is! That’s why he was given 14 years and there were at least 5 victims and several witnesses! He abused children, including his own niece and raped a woman!

Wow, your ex is a real prince. Well done for getting rid of him! Thankfully your DDs have a good role model in you for not putting up with abuse and getting rid of his arse.

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